Anonymous wrote:^ this. Sometime tell her that your family does not say, "I love you" often so you are not use to it.

Tell her "I love you once in awhile (surely you can do that)
Otherwise once you've told her your history, you've explained it. You don't have to take-up-her-ways.

It can be the same as kissing 'hello'. Some people aren't kissers.

It is called being a grown up. How she responds will be conditioned upon how you present it. It really doesn't have to be an issue if you do not make it one. Your inlays are not your parents. You cannot expect them to respond to every situation like your parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you love her too. It's only words and it'll make her happy. It's just words, who cares?

I'm not fake. Telling my MIL I love her would be a lie and would diminish what it means when I tell my husband and kids I love them.

Nevermind showing your kids that you have good feelings for their grandmother. Just be ready for the storm when your kids, taking your cues, stop saying ILY to their grandmother.

In life, you HAVE to be fake sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:I don't love my MIL. When she says, "I love you," I say, "thanks, bye."

Must make your DH feel great.

Anonymous wrote:OP: Thanks for the post. Interesting. I am a recent MIL who adores my DIL. In our family we always end with, "I love You". She does not say, "I love You" back. I'm going to stop saying ILY....but I really do love her. She is young.

Next up:

"My MIL stopped saying I love you. Why?"

Anonymous wrote:"You too. See you soon!" We are adults. Not awkwardness needed even if you're uncomfortable with something. It's ok to not want to say something. It's not okay to act like a buffoon because someone else makes a nice, well intentioned gesture.

Exactly. Say something sincere. It doesn't have to be "I love you."

Don't stop saying this if you say "I love you."

Appreciate that people can take a moment to express the positive and stop reading manipulative or malicious motives.

Oh, oh yes, read "hug your child today" and appreciate that life is fleeting...
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/246993.page

I grew up in a family that didn't say I love you very often. Then I went to work overseas in a war zone where people lost their families in an instant. What any one of them would have given for 3 more seconds to say those 3 words. It changed my whole perspective on life. I love my kids and I tell them so every day. If there's anyone else in my life that I love or that I think is doing something great, I make sure to tell them then and there. Even my parents -- who sometimes drive me crazy and with whom I sometimes disagree with and who still rarely say I love you back -- I tell them I love them, because, of course, I do.

Life is too short and too unpredictable.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you love her too. It's only words and it'll make her happy. It's just words, who cares?

I'm not fake. Telling my MIL I love her would be a lie and would diminish what it means when I tell my husband and kids I love them.

Just tell her you love her too. It's only words and it'll make her happy. It's just words, who cares?

^ this. Sometime tell her that your family does not say, "I love you" often so you are not use to it.

Tell her "I love you once in awhile (surely you can do that)
Otherwise once you've told her your history, you've explained it. You don't have to take-up-her-ways.

It can be the same as kissing 'hello'. Some people aren't kissers.

I grew up in a family that rarely said "I love you", whereas DH's family was always saying it. So I say, "Love you too" because I do and it makes them happy. I even say it to my birth family and they give me a look like "is there something you're not telling us" and even say it back occasionally!

I don't love my MIL. When she says, "I love you," I say, "thanks, bye."

Anonymous wrote:Lighten up PPs! The OP wasn't saying she was furious about it. She was just looking for the best phrase for reply. Of the options listed, I like the "We love you too" the best. Covers the whole family, is a nice reply, and feels less personal/intimate for the OP.

Thanks, guys. OP here. I like this approach- I feel weird saying "I love you" but I also want to be friendly. As an aside, I think part of the reason it feels a little uncomfortable for me is that, as context, there have been some pretty major violations of boundaries in the past and I really feel like anything even approaching over-intimacy is difficult for me...

My MIL does this too. I did not grow up in an affectionate household so it's still kind of strange to me. I reply "love you too", then use it as a reminder to tell the kids that I love them. I don't want them feeling awkward if they find themselves in the same situation one day!

MILs can't do right for doing wrong!!

Lighten up PPs! The OP wasn't saying she was furious about it. She was just looking for the best phrase for reply. Of the options listed, I like the "We love you too" the best. Covers the whole family, is a nice reply, and feels less personal/intimate for the OP.