I had two kids in Montessori and decided not to send the third--some kids thrive in it, others do okay, and for others it's a disaster. At age 3, it's hard to know your kid's quirks and I wasn't willing to risk it not working out for my youngest. I think that the Montessori program here might be a really bad fit--be glad they acknowledge this, as you'll probably get out of the contract. If you can take a little break to start fresh before the new school, that would be ideal. I think it's a good use of your husbands leave to take a week or two--or pay to fly out a relative that she knows, if there's anyone to do that.

Montessori can be a bit 'cold'. Can you find her a spot in a play-based preschool?

My 3 yr old daughter had huge separation anxiety issues as well. Here's what I did: I hired a nanny so that she can be with someone else besides Mommy ( i started work full time but she was in her home, her familiar environment so the only change was mommy), then I sent her to pre school ( Montessori ) 3 hrs/5 day. This year she is in 9-3 program. My daughter was very sensitive like yours and had to be phased into different stages of her life. Now she is happy and a well adjusted kid. I think from being at home with Mom to going to school full day has been too much for your daughter. Don't exhaust yourself or leave the job, just calmly work around your child's nature and she will be fine in her time. Be gentle and be patient with her as well as yourself. Best of luck!

Request leave without pay OR hire a nanny for a few week trial and see how it goes and how your daughter adjusts. If she does better, then you can evaluate quitting. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Research "School Refusal." It's anxiety related.
Involve school counselor and teacher to help her feel part of a group.

Thank you PP. I didn't find this in my searches because I was focusing on toddlers/preschoolers. Unfortunately, since it's a preschool, there no school counselor. And her preschool teacher basically told me today that the school is not the right fit for DD. I think they are done too.

Research "School Refusal." It's anxiety related.
Involve school counselor and teacher to help her feel part of a group.

I would hire a nanny while looking for a better fitted school. Or asked a relative to help out.

OP, learn from my mistake! I quit a great part time job in a field that is DYING. I thought I'd get in later when it was more convenient for my family. Fast forward 10 years, and I'm still looking for that perfect job!!! How I regret quitting that job!! DO NOT DO IT, OP!! Hire a nanny for the short term, or find another preschool that's more nurturing. Montessori is not for every kid. I found them very cold when I looked at them. I picked a preschool that was warm and loving and more like a home environment. Hire a nanny to help you with the transition. Do not quit your job!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!! I know it's stressful, but pull your kid out of the montessori school, pay the nanny while you look for another preschool, have the nanny do the transition. Once your child is settled into preschool she likes (this could take a few months), then you won't need the nanny any more. So you're making a pittance, so what? Why kill your career completely? You can afford the nanny in the short term. You DD will adjust to school, and you'll still have the job and you'll have more opportunities, which you won't have if you quit.

OP-- I would not do Montessori and I say this as someone who's kid is in Montessori. It is a bit of a cold environment, kids are expected to be independent and aren't coddled. If she's coming from a SAH situation, I think it's too much. I would switch to a play based preschool with smaller classes.

Definitely do NOT quit your job over this!! You have a great set up to get back into the working world.

If you say what area you're in you can get suggestions.

Anonymous wrote:OP again.. I work part time and DD is only in a morning Montessori program. Our hours coincide beautifully.

If I quit, I would out her in a preschool that has a gradual separation. Meaning, I would stay with her the first day, then the next day I would leave her alone for a half hour, then the next day an hour, pushing it to eventually her being by herself for 3 hours. It will take a long time but I think it will be a more gentle way to get ready for school than what she is experiencing now.

The school is not a good fit. Find a regular preschool.

OP again.. I work part time and DD is only in a morning Montessori program. Our hours coincide beautifully.

If I quit, I would out her in a preschool that has a gradual separation. Meaning, I would stay with her the first day, then the next day I would leave her alone for a half hour, then the next day an hour, pushing it to eventually her being by herself for 3 hours. It will take a long time but I think it will be a more gentle way to get ready for school than what she is experiencing now.

This would take about two weeks, according to to this schedule, right? So, try to get two weeks unpaid leave or have your DH take the time and do it.

This problem your daughter has is a temporary problem, in the big scheme of life and one she will have to get over if she is to go to school. Quitting your job has far larger implications for you and your career. It just doesn't make sense to quit over this.

Anonymous wrote:at $18k a year I hope it's a field OP can just slide right back into

Not sure why you're resentful of your kid

OP again. I didn't mean I was resentful of my kid....that did come out wrong. In my defense, it was early and I haven't been sleeping well because of this. But yes, poor choice of words.

As for field, I'd lose my contract and I wouldn't be eligible for re-hire this year unless I look in another county. I keep vacillating between quitting and trying yet another thing. It is really tearing me up inside - I want to do right by my kid but I also don't want to lose out on what I've worked for. I don't know anymore. Hitting a wall.

at $18k a year I hope it's a field OP can just slide right back into

Not sure why you're resentful of your kid

I agree your DH should take some time off to figure this out. Yes, he makes more money, but I assume he also has a more secure position and paid leave. Why can't you do gradual separation at the current preschool? Ask your DH to take a morning off and stay with her one day. If that doesn't work, ask for unpaid leave to observe one day at preschool. If you can work out scheduling, perhaps you can do this for a week or two, spending less time there each day and see if that works before deciding to change daycare or quit your job. All of the preschools I visited had no issues with parents observing.

Maybe the Montessori is too big and a bit of a sparse environment?

Go with a regular church daycare or center. They don't care when you drop off for the most part. Then you can just ask for a couple weeks of shorter days and maybe take some work home with you to make it up.

Lastly, even no though your husband make more what's to stop him from taking some time off and splitting the diff with you, starting later a few mornings a week, etc just to get you through?