Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you shouldn't be sharing with her, complaining to her, whatever you are doing.

Something has prompted this

OP here. Wish I could remember what prompted her to say that, but I do not. Our conversation is always innocuous, I know better than to say anything of substance to her. I was so stunned (she said this in the presence of my husband) I turned to my DD (who isn't even two) and said sorry girl, you are not perfect but you will always be good enough for mom!

I think her "perfect" comment stems from the comment she has made since our DD was born. She makes it a point to tell
ME each time she visits how wonderful it is her son is so involved with DD. I have tried to handle this in various ways, but she loves to repeat it. I know my husband is a wonderful person (I married him!) but sorry, co-parenting isn't an above and beyond behavior.

OP sorry but you sound like a 3 year old in making such a big deal of a fairly innocuous phrase. my ILs have been married more than 50 years and still love each other very much, and my FIL has always be a hard worker and good provider for the family. but they had a very traditional marriage, where he was the one working a job, mowing the grass and fixing things around the house, and she was the one raising the three kids, cleaning and taking care of the home. my FIL still says proudly that he has never changed a diaper in his life. my DH is very involved with our kids, I always worked longer hours and he was the one dropping off and picking up from daycare, and we shares all chores, cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids. you can bet that my MIL think her son is perfect, she probably wishes she had some help from her husband when their kids were little, but those were different times, not many men were doing household chores and taking care of kids. you should grow up. and frankly telling a toddler that she will always be "good enough" for you does not sound very nice

OP here. It's not an innocuous phrase when her praise for her son's involvement in DD's life in a part of each conversation over a two year period. I could lament my "perfect" DH doesn't make enough income to solely support our family. But I do not, because I have better manners than that (and in all honesty, I do not want to give up my career). I am just annoyed that women can so readily expect women to bear the brunt of the childrearing even in situations like ours where there are two full time working parents. I have said in a nice way "I know you have a great son - I married him and had a child with him. I would never have procreated with him if he wasn't willing to be 50/50" but that isn't enough to get her to drop it.

And the point of me mentioning I have a toddler was so no one thought I was telling an older child she is just "good enough". It was a one-time way to politely tell MIL to cut it out. Although, I stand by my point thay no one is perfect and my DD will need to learn that, and that I have unconditional love for her. I think telling children they are "perfect" is a slippery slope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you shouldn't be sharing with her, complaining to her, whatever you are doing.

Something has prompted this

OP here. Wish I could remember what prompted her to say that, but I do not. Our conversation is always innocuous, I know better than to say anything of substance to her. I was so stunned (she said this in the presence of my husband) I turned to my DD (who isn't even two) and said sorry girl, you are not perfect but you will always be good enough for mom!

I think her "perfect" comment stems from the comment she has made since our DD was born. She makes it a point to tell
ME each time she visits how wonderful it is her son is so involved with DD. I have tried to handle this in various ways, but she loves to repeat it. I know my husband is a wonderful person (I married him!) but sorry, co-parenting isn't an above and beyond behavior.

OP sorry but you sound like a 3 year old in making such a big deal of a fairly innocuous phrase. my ILs have been married more than 50 years and still love each other very much, and my FIL has always be a hard worker and good provider for the family. but they had a very traditional marriage, where he was the one working a job, mowing the grass and fixing things around the house, and she was the one raising the three kids, cleaning and taking care of the home. my FIL still says proudly that he has never changed a diaper in his life. my DH is very involved with our kids, I always worked longer hours and he was the one dropping off and picking up from daycare, and we shares all chores, cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids. you can bet that my MIL think her son is perfect, she probably wishes she had some help from her husband when their kids were little, but those were different times, not many men were doing household chores and taking care of kids. you should grow up. and frankly telling a toddler that she will always be "good enough" for you does not sound very nice

Anonymous wrote:My mil is like this. It annoys me because anything that isn't "perfect" is obviously my fault in her opinion. She told me once I don't keep my house clean enough when I was working 60+ hours a week at the time and my husband worked 40 and worked 10 minutes from home. Lady your barking up the wrong tree!

I think you have a good point there. When DH is perfect, then who else gets blamed for all the imperfection?

My mil is like this. It annoys me because anything that isn't "perfect" is obviously my fault in her opinion. She told me once I don't keep my house clean enough when I was working 60+ hours a week at the time and my husband worked 40 and worked 10 minutes from home. Lady your barking up the wrong tree!

I think my DH is perfect. Or at least pretty damn close.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah, the classic "Since the man is involved at any level more than my husband was, he's just so amazing and you should be sooo grateful for allll he does" attitude.

Yeah, that's really annoying. Try not to take it personally.

OP here. Thanks. I am working on it. The repetitive nature of it makes me feel like she won't stop bringing it up. Ever. I wish she would move on.

I will also admit I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about this because not only is my husband perfect in his mother's eyes, my parents cannot stop thinking he's the best thing ever either. Clearly I am chopped liver.

I hear you OP. My parents think my DH is great, too. I'm sure if we were to ever divorce, they would assume it was my fault. LOL! It's better than them hating him I suppose. My DH, while not perfect, is actually a pretty good husband and father, so, I really can't complain when the parents make comments about how great he is. They only see one side of him. I get to see the good, bad and ugly.

Well, my MIL, whom I otherwise love, is always going on about how special and brilliant DH is. At our wedding she gave a toast that was all about how special he was. Now, he is awesome -- he is a wonderful, smart, kind, funny man whom I love with all my heart. But it always seemed a bit odd to me to proclaim to the world that he was more special than anyone else. (Always wondered what his brother thought of that, because while there's no doubt MIL loves him too, I've never heard her say anything approaching what she says about DH.)

She talks and talks about how smart he is, how he was valedictorian, went to Harvard, etc. Finally one day I disagreed with her on something academic-related, and she said "oh, DH agrees with me and he would know because he was valedictorian and went to Harvard." I told her I was a valedictorian and went to Harvard, too, but that didn't make me the authority on the world. That shut her up pretty fast for a few days. It's just odd to me because my family always emphasized no bragging and not to get a swelled head, and MIL brags all the time. She's started bragging about our infant daughter, too, which drives me up the wall because the kid is six months old -- no, she's not a genius, MIL! And even if she were, there's no way you could tell at this stage.

Still - she is a sweet person, probably the world's best mother in law, and we all have our peccadilloes!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL believes both my DH and son to be perfect. I think she thinks I'm perfect by association.

That's a good thing, wish it would be my MIL's attitude. Instead, when she visits she constantly criticizes me and praises her son.

It could be worse, but the constant tales of DH's perfection and how DS is JUST LIKE him get old.

What is really annoying us that my mom also thinks DH is perfect b/c he's more involved that the men she married ever was. And I should be **sooooo** grateful.

Anonymous wrote:the molecule of DNA was ordained from the beginning to make small mistakes

Calling them "mistakes" does not necessarily make them mistakes.