Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:56
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Re: 1. Tired & 2. Annoyed - Sometimes my DW will try to tell me she's not paying attention to me because she's annoyed, and my (internal) reaction is often "what's the fucking difference, if you weren't annoyed, you'd still be tired." And she wasn't annoyed or tired, she'd spend that energy and good mood doing some discretionary activity with a friend. Certainly she wouldn't seek me out to tell me that we'd hit the small & magical window when she might be affectionate toward me.
If she's in a good mood spending time with a friend, that could still mean she is annoyed with you for some reason. I can be in a good mood with other people, but not with my DH if I'm annoyed with him.
So have you asked your DW why she is tired and/or annoyed with you?
She's a big girl. She can use her words if and when she's ready.
But DH can't seem to wait for DW to be ready. And since it is the DH that is posting about this issue, maybe DH can take the initiative and ask.
I've tried broaching certain subjects with my DH only to get shutdown, too. I think both have to be ready. Until then, one or both will suffer.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:51
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your wife takes you for granted, OP. She's bored & you're not a priority. Some PP said, "try talking to her." It's worth a shot, but, "you take me for granted. You're bored and I'm not a priority to you." isn't going to make her interested in you. Most likely, she'll give you a list of things she wants you to do to make her life easier. Then, when you do those things, she still won't want to have sex with her, because you aren't entitled to sex. Sex isn't something you trade for or earn.
If you gave her a corresponding list of things she could do for you to make your life easier, think she'd do them? Or do you think she'd laugh at you for making the suggestion?
But those women who were flirting with you would get bored too, sooner or later. Only solution is to move from one to the next or accept sexlessness for the rest of your life.
*sigh*
This would be a big communication fail. Did you never at least learn the basics of an "I feel" statement? Not to mention that presuming you know the answer is never a productive way to start a conversation. Try something more like, "It seems like we hardly ever have sex anymore, and I miss it. I feel disconnected from you, and I miss the way we used to be together." Edit this to be emotionally honest, but try to remember you're talking to someone you presumably care about. See what her answer is and respond to that, not to the dialogue you've written in your head. Find out what she thinks she needs, and consider whether you're willing to give her that. If you're not willing to work with her, or you do but you don't see her making an effort in turn, then at least you know where your marriage stands.
I've had these conversations before. I get some variation of "I don't know. I want to want to be in the mood to have sex with you, but I just never am. You're not doing anything wrong. I think you are attractive." This is followed by a week or two of awkwardness because I've drawn attention to the sexless elephant in the room of our marriage.
So, am I to understand that most women who aren't in the mood for sex have a pretty specific idea of why they aren't in the mood?
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:48
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Re: 1. Tired & 2. Annoyed - Sometimes my DW will try to tell me she's not paying attention to me because she's annoyed, and my (internal) reaction is often "what's the fucking difference, if you weren't annoyed, you'd still be tired." And she wasn't annoyed or tired, she'd spend that energy and good mood doing some discretionary activity with a friend. Certainly she wouldn't seek me out to tell me that we'd hit the small & magical window when she might be affectionate toward me.
If she's in a good mood spending time with a friend, that could still mean she is annoyed with you for some reason. I can be in a good mood with other people, but not with my DH if I'm annoyed with him.
So have you asked your DW why she is tired and/or annoyed with you?
She's a big girl. She can use her words if and when she's ready.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:45
Subject: Re:Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Dude, it's the same with us ladies.
DH has been with me forever so the oogling isn't constant.
Whenever I am running errands or out by myself I get flirted with, hit on, etc.
I WAH, but the one month I go into the office boosts my self-esteem for a month.
DH has been with me forever so the oogling isn't constant.
Whenever I am running errands or out by myself I get flirted with, hit on, etc.
I WAH, but the one month I go into the office boosts my self-esteem for a month.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:40
Subject: Re:Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
6:52, 11: 43 and 11:46 have to be men.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:28
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Your wife takes you for granted, OP. She's bored & you're not a priority. Some PP said, "try talking to her." It's worth a shot, but, "you take me for granted. You're bored and I'm not a priority to you." isn't going to make her interested in you. Most likely, she'll give you a list of things she wants you to do to make her life easier. Then, when you do those things, she still won't want to have sex with her, because you aren't entitled to sex. Sex isn't something you trade for or earn.
If you gave her a corresponding list of things she could do for you to make your life easier, think she'd do them? Or do you think she'd laugh at you for making the suggestion?
But those women who were flirting with you would get bored too, sooner or later. Only solution is to move from one to the next or accept sexlessness for the rest of your life.
*sigh*
This would be a big communication fail. Did you never at least learn the basics of an "I feel" statement? Not to mention that presuming you know the answer is never a productive way to start a conversation. Try something more like, "It seems like we hardly ever have sex anymore, and I miss it. I feel disconnected from you, and I miss the way we used to be together." Edit this to be emotionally honest, but try to remember you're talking to someone you presumably care about. See what her answer is and respond to that, not to the dialogue you've written in your head. Find out what she thinks she needs, and consider whether you're willing to give her that. If you're not willing to work with her, or you do but you don't see her making an effort in turn, then at least you know where your marriage stands.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:17
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Re: 1. Tired & 2. Annoyed - Sometimes my DW will try to tell me she's not paying attention to me because she's annoyed, and my (internal) reaction is often "what's the fucking difference, if you weren't annoyed, you'd still be tired." And she wasn't annoyed or tired, she'd spend that energy and good mood doing some discretionary activity with a friend. Certainly she wouldn't seek me out to tell me that we'd hit the small & magical window when she might be affectionate toward me.
If she's in a good mood spending time with a friend, that could still mean she is annoyed with you for some reason. I can be in a good mood with other people, but not with my DH if I'm annoyed with him.
So have you asked your DW why she is tired and/or annoyed with you?
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:10
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Hopefully when you come home, your wife will have the divorce papers ready.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 13:09
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Re: 1. Tired & 2. Annoyed - Sometimes my DW will try to tell me she's not paying attention to me because she's annoyed, and my (internal) reaction is often "what's the fucking difference, if you weren't annoyed, you'd still be tired." And she wasn't annoyed or tired, she'd spend that energy and good mood doing some discretionary activity with a friend. Certainly she wouldn't seek me out to tell me that we'd hit the small & magical window when she might be affectionate toward me.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 12:00
Subject: Re:Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
OP - it's hard to determine what's going on because we don't know your wife's side of the story. But I'll share my story and maybe it can shed some light.
When I "ignore" my DH (no attention), it's usually because of two things:
1. I'm tired. Job requires my attention if I don't want to get fired. House and bills need attention. Kids need my attention as they are just kids. DH is a growup. A grownup can manage by himself. I need for DH to be a partner and be so in all aspects of our home lives I don't need another thing or person that requires my attention. It's taking all I have just to pay attention to the kids and my job.
2. I'm annoyed with my DH for some reason, and it's been dragging on. DH isn't listening to what I've been trying to tell him. He gets defensive. So, I really don't want to pay attention to someone whom I am annoyed with.
Again, these are just examples of when I've ignored DH. We've managed to address some of these areas, and now our relationship is much better.
And I agree with the other PP about trying to make your DW jealous. It will backfire on you. If your DW is annoyed with you now, imagine how she will feel if you try to make her jealous.
When I "ignore" my DH (no attention), it's usually because of two things:
1. I'm tired. Job requires my attention if I don't want to get fired. House and bills need attention. Kids need my attention as they are just kids. DH is a growup. A grownup can manage by himself. I need for DH to be a partner and be so in all aspects of our home lives I don't need another thing or person that requires my attention. It's taking all I have just to pay attention to the kids and my job.
2. I'm annoyed with my DH for some reason, and it's been dragging on. DH isn't listening to what I've been trying to tell him. He gets defensive. So, I really don't want to pay attention to someone whom I am annoyed with.
Again, these are just examples of when I've ignored DH. We've managed to address some of these areas, and now our relationship is much better.
And I agree with the other PP about trying to make your DW jealous. It will backfire on you. If your DW is annoyed with you now, imagine how she will feel if you try to make her jealous.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 11:47
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
There might be something going on in OP's marriage that is diminishing attraction. But it might simply be a matter that the marriage has gone on for awhile & OP's wife is lazy, bored, and complacent. It happens sometimes.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 11:46
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Problem is, there is some REASON your wife is not finding you so attractive right now, even if you are physically super-hot.
Whatever reason it is, I'm guessing it has nothing to do with hotness and everything to do with something that is going on in your relationship and/or physical issues for your wife.
If your wife does not feel as well, or want sex as much, and she feels like her body has changed--she will want to go to the doctor. She may need some sympathy.
If she is just angry or disgusted with you right now over some issue with your marriage, it is up to both of you to talk about it.
Random women can find guys physically hot and want to sleep with them, but the women have no emotional history with the guy and might never want or need to see them again.
If your wife is angry with you, "revving her engine" by flirting may just lead to divorce court, rather than to the doctor or to counseling. Maybe it would work with some women?
A story: a super-hot ex-boyfriend tried "revving my engine" by calling me and telling me how many women were hitting on him when he was deployed in the military. He was already on thin ice and wouldn't listen to my concerns at all. So, I hung up on him and never spoke to him again. 20 years ago. I've been happily married and having sex with my emotionally mature but not-so-hot wonderful husband for 19 years
Hotness is not everything.
The trick is not to flirt, but to have either attractive women or high-status males appear to hold you high-esteem. It could be in a totally non-sexual context.
If his wife saw him on-stage, playing in an awesome band, in front of enthusiastic, adoring, fans, she'd probably find him way more attractive.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 11:43
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here again. No one seems to get the point. I don't want a new woman or to cheat. I want my wife to want to jump my bones. I know I'm attractive. I have younger and hotter women telling me as much. I was talking to this really attractive drug rep, she smelled so good and looked like a Texas goddess. And she had her hand across around my shoulder or my thigh and I just passed her up.
Your wife needs to see other women hitting on you. That'll get her engine revved. Right now, you're that old toy she used to like. When another woman hits on you, she'll be that kid who discovers she wants to play with that old toy at the same exact moment another kid wants to play with it.
Maybe you can arrange things so that your wife sees you doing something "impressive," like doing a speech at a medical conference. Then, arrange to have a couple of flirtatious drug reps walk up to you at dinner, a few days later, asking for your autograph, in exchange for you recommending their brands.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 11:35
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Problem is, there is some REASON your wife is not finding you so attractive right now, even if you are physically super-hot.
Whatever reason it is, I'm guessing it has nothing to do with hotness and everything to do with something that is going on in your relationship and/or physical issues for your wife.
If your wife does not feel as well, or want sex as much, and she feels like her body has changed--she will want to go to the doctor. She may need some sympathy.
If she is just angry or disgusted with you right now over some issue with your marriage, it is up to both of you to talk about it.
Random women can find guys physically hot and want to sleep with them, but the women have no emotional history with the guy and might never want or need to see them again.
If your wife is angry with you, "revving her engine" by flirting may just lead to divorce court, rather than to the doctor or to counseling. Maybe it would work with some women?
A story: a super-hot ex-boyfriend tried "revving my engine" by calling me and telling me how many women were hitting on him when he was deployed in the military. He was already on thin ice and wouldn't listen to my concerns at all. So, I hung up on him and never spoke to him again. 20 years ago. I've been happily married and having sex with my emotionally mature but not-so-hot wonderful husband for 19 years
Hotness is not everything.
Whatever reason it is, I'm guessing it has nothing to do with hotness and everything to do with something that is going on in your relationship and/or physical issues for your wife.
If your wife does not feel as well, or want sex as much, and she feels like her body has changed--she will want to go to the doctor. She may need some sympathy.
If she is just angry or disgusted with you right now over some issue with your marriage, it is up to both of you to talk about it.
Random women can find guys physically hot and want to sleep with them, but the women have no emotional history with the guy and might never want or need to see them again.
If your wife is angry with you, "revving her engine" by flirting may just lead to divorce court, rather than to the doctor or to counseling. Maybe it would work with some women?
A story: a super-hot ex-boyfriend tried "revving my engine" by calling me and telling me how many women were hitting on him when he was deployed in the military. He was already on thin ice and wouldn't listen to my concerns at all. So, I hung up on him and never spoke to him again. 20 years ago. I've been happily married and having sex with my emotionally mature but not-so-hot wonderful husband for 19 years
Hotness is not everything.
Anonymous
09/02/2014 06:52
Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife
Anonymous wrote:Op here again. No one seems to get the point. I don't want a new woman or to cheat. I want my wife to want to jump my bones. I know I'm attractive. I have younger and hotter women telling me as much. I was talking to this really attractive drug rep, she smelled so good and looked like a Texas goddess. And she had her hand across around my shoulder or my thigh and I just passed her up.
Your wife needs to see other women hitting on you. That'll get her engine revved. Right now, you're that old toy she used to like. When another woman hits on you, she'll be that kid who discovers she wants to play with that old toy at the same exact moment another kid wants to play with it.