OP here, a belated thank you to everyone who posted recipes, tips, encouragement. I have put a couple of them into place.
one new item: quinoa with pesto. They love pasta with pesto, so it went over okay, after the requisite wrinkled noses and sighs.
I did a very mild moroccan chicken that went okay as well, if not a favorite.
one of my kid eats lots of salad, so there's that, and they both eat a couple veggies regularly and all fruit.
I'll keep trying--and I'm going to try that soup recipe that the mom with a 2, 4 and newborn took time she really doesn't have to post (thank you!!!!!!!! so generous).
I have tried the 'go to bed' hungry but DH is not in agreement. So one banana is always available as a pre-bedtime snack. anything more than that and its something from dinner.
its nice to hear from people whose kids became less picky with time. I remember eating escargot at 4 (we lived in europe) and well, basically eating what was served--except liver. I refused that and remember a big battle, because I refused very little. I took a tiny bite and threw up.