Anonymous
08/26/2014 11:45
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you can't ask this without sounding petty and jealous. Love is not subtractive - because he loves her does not mean he loves you less.
Treat her as an individual and you as an individual. When/if he walks you down the aisle, it will be your first time and his first time walking you.
Very well said.
I will say too that I know someone, he's about 60. He has a son and a daughter, his daughter isn't married yet and he has already walked 3 people down the aisle, stepping in for deceased fathers each time
( I don't know these families or why they chose this instead of just the mother- but the point is, this is all before his own daughter and I am pretty sure all she feels is proud of her dad. Look at it from that perspective.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 11:32
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
You're the evil stepsister. I can't believe people have these horrible thoughts. You should be glad to have a dad that stepped up to be a father figure to this other woman. We need more men like that and less bitches like you in the world.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 11:29
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here, I expected most of these comments. To answer some of the posters comments, no I'm not single. I've been dating a guy for almost a year now. I'm the younger "sister", but my dads only child. I guess you would have to be in my shoes to understand why I feel this way. It may be selfish and I may need to grow up, but this may be something I may not get over. I guess I will have to make my day extra special if that day ever comes for me.
I'm going to give what will probably sound like a snide, trollish suggestion, but truly is not meant to be. Please don't get married until you can put this whole issue into the proper perspective, and not feel the need to do things like make your day extra special to somehow make up for the fact that your dad did something wonderful for someone else, or to somehow best your stepsister. You wedding should be about you and your husband, and not about all of this other silliness. If this is getting in the way of your happiness, then you're not ready for marriage.
+1
Anonymous
08/26/2014 11:27
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
* can't you see why
Anonymous
08/26/2014 11:27
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:OP here, I expected most of these comments. To answer some of the posters comments, no I'm not single. I've been dating a guy for almost a year now. I'm the younger "sister", but my dads only child. I guess you would have to be in my shoes to understand why I feel this way. It may be selfish and I may need to grow up, but this may be something I may not get over. I guess I will have to make my day extra special if that day ever comes for me.
Oh OP, please print out this post and bring it to a therapist. You have some work to do. You have a right to your feelings, and they are even understandable, but no way should you share them with anyone but a therapist or good friend. The comment about needing to make your own day extra special has me shaking my head - can't you why? Can you understand PPs perspective and why we are having such a strong reaction to your words?
Anonymous
08/26/2014 11:19
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:My dad just died while I was wedding planning and I'll have the grooms father walk me instead. His own daughter is younger and no where near being married. Life happens.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 10:21
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:Get the fuck over yourself.
+1 What I thought but wasn't going to write. Thank you.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 10:18
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
My dad just died while I was wedding planning and I'll have the grooms father walk me instead. His own daughter is younger and no where near being married. Life happens.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 08:56
Subject: Re:Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
I understand it's hard. But him walking her down the aisle does not mean that you aren't special to him. It just means that he's nice enough to do it for her.
I think it could be pretty awkward for her not to ask him, actually, if he's been functionally her dad for so many years and is still with her mom. Not asking him could upset her mom. So both you and the bride are in an awkward position due to your parents' romantic choices, and it sucks. But you won't really get anything by asking him not to do it-- it will just stir up family drama and it won't suddenly make you his one and only daughter. Weddings can really bring up a lot of issues that people would rather not confront. So I understand that it's super, super hard to watch this all go down. But there really isn't a good answer here. Hugs to you, OP!
I think it could be pretty awkward for her not to ask him, actually, if he's been functionally her dad for so many years and is still with her mom. Not asking him could upset her mom. So both you and the bride are in an awkward position due to your parents' romantic choices, and it sucks. But you won't really get anything by asking him not to do it-- it will just stir up family drama and it won't suddenly make you his one and only daughter. Weddings can really bring up a lot of issues that people would rather not confront. So I understand that it's super, super hard to watch this all go down. But there really isn't a good answer here. Hugs to you, OP!
Anonymous
08/26/2014 08:09
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
I know who you are OP. Granted you haven't told your friends how much it bugs you, but it is obvious. The good news is it will be awhile before you get to hold this over your dad. We've all been telling your bf to leave you before he gets stuck.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 08:07
Subject: Re:Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:Your stepsister likely views your dad as a father figure. People often have people who are their closest ledge male relatives walk them down the aisle if thei fathers aren't around, whether they have died, are estranged, or for any other reason aren't available. So perhaps you could try to see the do Tustin in tthAt light.
I seems the real issue is that you may not feel uniquely treasured and lived by your dad, that he has come to love someone else's child in the same way he lives you. You absluty should not suggest whether he should walk her down the aisle. He us your father, though, and you can work with him on your relationship. I think it's normal and reasonable to feel anxious or upset that you are sharing your parent with someone who isn't a full sibling if yours. Deal with those feelings, which really aren't about the wedding at all. Sometimes parents don't realize thatvtheir bio children can feel replaced by younger stepchildren. Talk with him and he may be able to reassure you how important you are to him.
Emphasis mine. A cousin of mine lost her father a few years before she got married. When she was planning her wedding, she wanted my father (her dad's brother) to walk her down the aisle. She was considerate to a fault and placed a phone call to me before even asking my father, telling me about her plans and that she hoped I wasn't against her asking my father to have that role in her wedding. I told that, if anything, I was proud that she had thought of him as the person who'd walk her down her aisle, and to ask him without any worry.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 08:05
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
OP, you sound like a really unkind person.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 08:02
Subject: Re:Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:Get married first and he will walk you down the aisle first.
It is absolutely wrong to ask him not to do this. You need to be an adult. Let this go.
Yes, this. To her, he's Dad. If she wants to have this particular patriarchal custom in her wedding, she has every right to have the man who's Dad to her perform that role.
You're being petty.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 07:21
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Yes, it is wrong. You need to get over yourself.
Anonymous
08/26/2014 06:54
Subject: Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle
Anonymous wrote:The fact that you put "daughter" in quotes and mention the woman's mother is your father's common law wife shows that you have issues with this family situation.
Also you say you are your father's only child. I am sorry but while you may be his only biological child you are not his only child. Being considered someone child is not a title reserved only for this who share genes with their parents. I am sure you are aware of familes where the child is not biologically related to one or both parents.
Again, I think this goes back to how you feel about your fathers new family. If this woman considers your father her father I have to feel a bit sad that you two women don't see yourself as sisters.
I have to ask you, if your father were married to his domestic partner and had adopted the daughter would you feel the same?
This. She is your father's daughter, not his "daughter". He has two daughters, one biological. If she had been formally adopted would you still insist that she's not his real daughter? Obviously the legal formalities don't mean a lot to your dad, but that doesn't mean the relationships aren't real.
Congratulations! You have a sister.