Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a stay at home mom but your examples are how you were treated at your last job. How are you treated now that makes you think you are not likeable?

OP here. I guess it's just that I always feel overlooked as a potential friend by other moms, and I also don't get invited to things.

Where are you seeing other moms -- in the rush of preschool pick up or somewhere more "leisurely" like a church group or playground? Anyplace that is rushed is not a great place to make friends. As for more leisurely places, do you go up to other moms and talk or wait for them to approach? I would go up and talk. Especially since you say you have a serious look, other moms may not want to bother you. Also when you are out -- do you have your phone out the whole time? It's really common now when people feel uncomfortable to just whip out a phone. Problem then is that people feel like you don't want to be bothered -- either your engrossed in texting or maybe you're even responding to work emails and don't want to chat. As for a serious look -- have you tried making eye contact and smiling?

OP here. I have an 18 month old. I mainly socialize with other moms in playgroups and other events, playgrounds, and classes such as music, gym classes, etc. So these are all pretty leisurely places to meet people. My child and I are out of the house every day, and I am always excited to meet other moms and try to make friends. However, I'm not very successful at making friends. I always go up to moms and chat and try to get to know them. I think I am a friendly person and I love getting to know others. It's just that I feel always overlooked, that people don't want to be friends with me. I am not invited to playdates or other activities. I don't have a smart phone so the phone thing is not an issue.

I didn't start clicking with other moms AT ALL until one particular class, my son and I were always the first or second to arrive. Naturally, if I arrived early, and only one or two other moms were there early as well, we were all more open to talking a little more to each other. Previously, I was always the outsider, it seemed like everybody else knew each other already, so my attempts at friendliness seemed to be brushed away. But when you're in with a very small group (like arriving a little early), I think people are more likely to not brush you off. Worked for me, at least.

Anonymous wrote:Two of the most popular women in my community are blond, very laid back and non-threatening to others. Neither has a high-powered career, neither is very busy. They just project fun, not haste or anxiety.

They're blond?? Why is that noteworthy?

I second the idea of learning to smile and joke around playfully with people. Its like flirting. Super helpful in life.

Do you find it easy to read people?

I also ask people about something they are wearing....like a school or sports team insignia. "The Orioles are on a bit of a tear!" Etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I meant, I'm so glad that my simpler, less complex friends and I have each other.

Me too.

There is an abundance of women who have no ambition or interests, who don't read, just watch TV, they're not working and are housewives. They find each other pretty likable.

It's a lot harder to find women friends that have interests, are intellectually challenging and educated. You know, the ones who read books and watch documentaries, and enjoy meaningful activities in their spare time, the ones you have something to talk about other than your child's diapers. That's what I'm talking about.

Haha, I love this. "I'm so smart and interesting that I cannot find any friends!!"

I think I'd want to be your friend. You sound a lot like me, and I often wondered the same. Oddly enough, when I got married and had a child (too busy and happy in my own life to reach out), people were waiting at my doorstep, not literally, but the texts were coming in. Now that I was hard to get, people were interested. I'm not friends with those people.

What do you look like, OP? It's a serious question. Unfortunately, many people in DC area are superficial.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need candy in a bowl on your desk. Word will spread like wildfire.

Hahaha. This!! People feel compelled to talk to you when you leave candy.

go to costco and get the big plastic bin of pretzels or candy

A genuine warm smile goes a long way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need candy in a bowl on your desk. Word will spread like wildfire.

Hahaha. This!! People feel compelled to talk to you when you leave candy.

Nah--I sneak in when nobody's there

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a stay at home mom but your examples are how you were treated at your last job. How are you treated now that makes you think you are not likeable?

OP here. I guess it's just that I always feel overlooked as a potential friend by other moms, and I also don't get invited to things.

Where are you seeing other moms -- in the rush of preschool pick up or somewhere more "leisurely" like a church group or playground? Anyplace that is rushed is not a great place to make friends. As for more leisurely places, do you go up to other moms and talk or wait for them to approach? I would go up and talk. Especially since you say you have a serious look, other moms may not want to bother you. Also when you are out -- do you have your phone out the whole time? It's really common now when people feel uncomfortable to just whip out a phone. Problem then is that people feel like you don't want to be bothered -- either your engrossed in texting or maybe you're even responding to work emails and don't want to chat. As for a serious look -- have you tried making eye contact and smiling?

Not OP but this is good advice. Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Hard to make friends when you secretly feel superior because you're more organized, etc. Drives people away.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have difficulty with the young sahm crowd in our area because when people find out my education level/job before kids they look for something less intimidating. However, I do get along better with older moms. Perhaps you're looking for wrong types of friends.

Nope, that's not it. That's never it. "People are intimidated by me because I'm too successful [too beautiful] [too whatever]" is never true.

Agree completely.

OP, I think I'm pretty well-liked. A few easy tips:
- Be friendly. Smile, say hello, ask genuinely how people are doing and wait for an answer. Listen and make eye contact.
- Be interested. Don't seem distracted or too busy. Ask questions.
- Be kind. If someone is struggling with a door or package or something, offer to help. When they say thanks, make a joke - "we've all been there!" or something like that.

So easy yet so many people don't do these things.

Hard to make friends when you secretly feel superior because you're more organized, etc. Drives people away.

THis was me. I felt very alone when my kids were both in school FT. I tend to be shy at first so making friends is hard. Because I didn't have many friends I dove into working out at the gym, taking the dog for really long walks (4-5 miles) and organizing my home. I think my problem was that I appeared really busy so no one invited to coffee or neighborhood walks. I then tried to make chit chat with some moms after two years of being by myself most of the day and would ask them what they were doing today/this week etc... I would make sure I never appeared too busy and we started talking longer after the school bell rang. Slowly I built up a few moms I would talk with and that helped because they then asked me to help on other school projects. ANd because I knew some people I was more comfortable volunteering at school events.

Don't post a "to the______who____" topic on DCUM.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/407420.page

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have difficulty with the young sahm crowd in our area because when people find out my education level/job before kids they look for something less intimidating. However, I do get along better with older moms. Perhaps you're looking for wrong types of friends.

Nope, that's not it. That's never it. "People are intimidated by me because I'm too successful [too beautiful] [too whatever]" is never true.

Agree completely.

OP, I think I'm pretty well-liked. A few easy tips:
- Be friendly. Smile, say hello, ask genuinely how people are doing and wait for an answer. Listen and make eye contact.
- Be interested. Don't seem distracted or too busy. Ask questions.
- Be kind. If someone is struggling with a door or package or something, offer to help. When they say thanks, make a joke - "we've all been there!" or something like that.

So easy yet so many people don't do these things.

Hard to make friends when you secretly feel superior because you're more organized, etc. Drives people away.

Anonymous wrote:Be honest op. Are you very smart, educated, pretty, thin, or articulate? Wondering if people are intimidated by you.

4 of the 5, yes.