Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Two houses is a great compromise, but if your sister and her family are used to a low-key vacation and don't want to think about socializing daily then I could understand that. Even though I love my family, spending every day together would drain me.

Yes, I think this probably is it. I ain't mad. Just sad. She's said "we love you and love spending time with you and want to vacation with you another time, just not that week!" And I acted upbeat like I believed her, but I know it won't happen. They're a large, busy family, and always too busy to do stuff. I think the relationship just means more to me. But I'll keep trying.

Did you and your sister work together to rent the close-by houses?

If they are busy throughout the year, they might just treasure the one week they have to focus on just the kids and the parents. My husband used to travel a lot, and we really valued time with just our own family.

Sort of -- she helped me get a discount by renting through the same agency that she did -- but I chose the unit.

I'm sure that what you've said is true. It's not that they don't love us, it's that they prefer the time for their own family. It just makes me sad because it means there's zero time for us.

Did you both consult ahead of time about the plan for both families to be there the same week?

Yes. We didn't just show up.

I don't want to vacation with extended family. They're a little louder than me (so it's fun for a four-hour dinner, but not days on end), into sitting around drinking and talking about sports only to take a break from that to sit around drinking on the beach and eating frozen pizza and sugar cereals.

We sit and read, passing books around, do water sports, play with the kids, bbq, exercise our food snobbery, explore the area, play games, etc.

We just don't mesh well. They think we're boring, we think they're boring (and ill-behaved).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Two houses is a great compromise, but if your sister and her family are used to a low-key vacation and don't want to think about socializing daily then I could understand that. Even though I love my family, spending every day together would drain me.

Yes, I think this probably is it. I ain't mad. Just sad. She's said "we love you and love spending time with you and want to vacation with you another time, just not that week!" And I acted upbeat like I believed her, but I know it won't happen. They're a large, busy family, and always too busy to do stuff. I think the relationship just means more to me. But I'll keep trying.

Did you and your sister work together to rent the close-by houses?

If they are busy throughout the year, they might just treasure the one week they have to focus on just the kids and the parents. My husband used to travel a lot, and we really valued time with just our own family.

Sort of -- she helped me get a discount by renting through the same agency that she did -- but I chose the unit.

I'm sure that what you've said is true. It's not that they don't love us, it's that they prefer the time for their own family. It just makes me sad because it means there's zero time for us.

Did you both consult ahead of time about the plan for both families to be there the same week?

My in laws won't vacation with us. But that's because they are too cheap and don't like to spend their money.

They'd much rather come live in our house for a week or two eating all our food while we work at the office.

We wish they would join us for Florida or Yellowstone but they just don't want to enj their money. They have some old fashioned attitude that they'd rather leave an inheritance than go on a normal vacation! Or they'd rather have get someone else to pay for them! Too bad for them we can barely pay for our kids' stuff....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Two houses is a great compromise, but if your sister and her family are used to a low-key vacation and don't want to think about socializing daily then I could understand that. Even though I love my family, spending every day together would drain me.

Yes, I think this probably is it. I ain't mad. Just sad. She's said "we love you and love spending time with you and want to vacation with you another time, just not that week!" And I acted upbeat like I believed her, but I know it won't happen. They're a large, busy family, and always too busy to do stuff. I think the relationship just means more to me. But I'll keep trying.

Did you and your sister work together to rent the close-by houses?

If they are busy throughout the year, they might just treasure the one week they have to focus on just the kids and the parents. My husband used to travel a lot, and we really valued time with just our own family.

Sort of -- she helped me get a discount by renting through the same agency that she did -- but I chose the unit.

I'm sure that what you've said is true. It's not that they don't love us, it's that they prefer the time for their own family. It just makes me sad because it means there's zero time for us.

20:15

I feel the same way. Vacation for us is our nuclear family, and no one else. In fact, we live so far from our family, that when we vacation, we intend to see them on visits. We don't see them the rest of the year, at all. No one "stays with each other", though of course we know we always could. But we deliberately vacation to see the close family (who reside far in proximity), not for social time with people we could see any time, just about.

On the other side, MIL has a hard time understanding our perspective because 1.) she wants bragging rights about getting the family (however reluctantly, and even if most of us only go for two or three nights) together and 2.) she and FIL and the family did not enjoy their vacation time together, at all, while DH was growing up. It's one week at her rental, but the IL's (of the IL's) barely last two or three nights!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Two houses is a great compromise, but if your sister and her family are used to a low-key vacation and don't want to think about socializing daily then I could understand that. Even though I love my family, spending every day together would drain me.

Yes, I think this probably is it. I ain't mad. Just sad. She's said "we love you and love spending time with you and want to vacation with you another time, just not that week!" And I acted upbeat like I believed her, but I know it won't happen. They're a large, busy family, and always too busy to do stuff. I think the relationship just means more to me. But I'll keep trying.

Did you and your sister work together to rent the close-by houses?

If they are busy throughout the year, they might just treasure the one week they have to focus on just the kids and the parents. My husband used to travel a lot, and we really valued time with just our own family.

Tried that with my parents - my mother is incredibly difficult to get along with.

I love to vacation with my in-laws, though! Sadly, we can only do so every 5 years or so, our schedules and lifestyles are so different.

Anonymous wrote:We recently went on a vacation with a family who loved to socialize. But we really just wanted to veg. It wasn't the people --they were great -- it was us.

Funny. We're the other way, we love to go, go on vacation and rarely go with other families because the relaxing styles of most of them is not a good match.

We recently went on a vacation with a family who loved to socialize. But we really just wanted to veg. It wasn't the people --they were great -- it was us.

People have really different styles of vacationing. Some people want to do a lot of walking hiking action. Some people want to do historical stuff -- cathedrals, museums, upscale music. Some people are foodies. Some people are vacationing with their kids, while others really do not want to be around kids. There are those who love to drive -- while you just sit there. And there are the ones who would just like to relax and have a few or more than a few drinks. Disney. All vacations cost money -- whether a little or a lot, and some family members may be passing on vacationing with you in order to save for that other vacation they are planning -- the bird watching one. One persons dream vacation is another persons torture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Two houses is a great compromise, but if your sister and her family are used to a low-key vacation and don't want to think about socializing daily then I could understand that. Even though I love my family, spending every day together would drain me.

Yes, I think this probably is it. I ain't mad. Just sad. She's said "we love you and love spending time with you and want to vacation with you another time, just not that week!" And I acted upbeat like I believed her, but I know it won't happen. They're a large, busy family, and always too busy to do stuff. I think the relationship just means more to me. But I'll keep trying.

I get wanting cousins to have a relationship. We invite my SIL and niece with us on our family vacation in order to foster those relationships.

Perhaps invite your nieces and nephews to join you on your vacation. Give their parents a break, your kids get to spend time together. Who knows, maybe the parents will agree to join in a few years, or maybe not.

FTR - I love my SIL and niece, would never dream of inviting her parents, my ILs to join us. We rent a place just big enough for who is invited.