I am embarassed and ashamed. He is STILL denying the affair, and what if no one believes me?

I just want to feel better, and I want him to go away. Unless I do it he is not going anywhere and I just dont have the strength.

i did do some research on alimony and it looks like I would get a reasonable amount of alimony.
We have been married over 20 years and this whole thing has me reeling. I am constantly trying to remember what I could have done to cause this. I truly believe he is having a midlife crisis. I just dont know if I can survive this

Your kids are grownups. Don't use them as an excuse to stay.Your excuse is money and you are staying for money even though it hurts to stay.

OP here. It has been about a month now that this has been going on. I thought I was in a good place mentally. I am not.

Yesterday I had to leave work because I could not stop vomiting. Same thing happened at a checkup appointment. I do get migraines, but this is going on 3 days.

I can't function. When i do make it through a work day. I come home and get in bed. My head is beyond pounding. DH is pretty much unaware as he is so self centered.
We bbq'd one day, I made dinner the next , but last night they had to heat up something frozen.

I am actually driving w a bucket in the car. I was good with this! Why is this happening?

I am in therapy, but besides that I have no one to talk to about this. Everyone thinks he is a really nice guy. I have never led anyone to believe otherwise because apparently I am an ass. A family member always complained about her husband and everyone hated him. She would get over her complaints, but the rest of the family never forgot. As a result I never complain about DH.

Wow...Sounds like a tough situation OP.

I am so sorry your husband put you in this situation. What a jerk. Though I am sure you have called him worse names.

I am not sure about finances and all, but if you + him divorce and since he makes good money, wouldn't you be entitled to a good amount of alimony as well as child support??

If it is about finances here, then it doesn't sound like you and your children will be destitute or am I missing something?

Good luck OP and do come back!

Thank you.. I have been reading up on gas lighting and infidelity and WOW did I make a lot of mistakes. Also I think this may have been going on longer than I thought.
I feel much calmer ( for now) and I think with help I can bring this to some resolution.. Thank you again

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stop talking to him about it! I know its hard, but let him wonder why you have made a sudden about face. Be pleasant and go about your life! Be strong! As much as you want to confront him and ask him why, dont do it! He will go crazy wondering why you stopped!

+1

Do this and get a very good lawyer and a therapist to help you stay strong. Get your lawyer to hire someone to get all the account information together and protect your assets and find the evidence you need of divorce. Know your rights.

But don't confront him anymore. He is clearly a total narcissist at this point so tell him how sorry you are, how you never believed that he was having an affair. Gaslight him back while you buy yourself time.

Take control and leave with your pride. The assets aren't worth what your self-esteem is.