Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judgmental much, OP? Maybe you should focus less on other people's parenting styles and worry more about making sure your DD doesn't turn out like her mother.

You people are way too sensitive. There are cultural differences in parenting styles, and OP has noticed them. I find a lot of Americans are ignorant of other people's culture. It's ok to ask about it without being judgemental. There is a stereotypical American parenting style, too.

This PC crap is going overboard. I'm Asian, and when I read on this forum about Asian tiger parenting styles it doesn't bother me because it does apply to a lot of Asian parents. I also know that not all Asian parents are like this. So, as long as people don't assume *ALL* people are like the stereotype, I don't think it's racist. Most people from a certain culture will fit a certain stereotype because they all come from the same culture, they have similar parenting styles, etc.. For example, I assume most American parents want their kids to be independent so their parenting style reflects this. As you've read, to Asians, this is not important and they don't stress this. By this assumption, I've now stereotyped most American parents as being too liberal. Does that make me racist? We only seem to call it stereotyping if the behavior is negative by our standards. We don't seem to get all wound up about it if the stereotyping is positive.

Part of stereotyping is defining what a culture is like... ie, Asians value education. Americans value independence. Aren't these all stereotypes?

The racism comes in only if you think you or your culture is better than someone else's simply because of your skin color.

Anonymous wrote:Judgmental much, OP? Maybe you should focus less on other people's parenting styles and worry more about making sure your DD doesn't turn out like her mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always a little taken aback by how involved and rulesy Indian parents are. DD's friend from school is Indian and I know the mother quite well. She tiger parents AND coddles to a weird extent. The Indian girl's life is regimented and run on rules and a schedule and no freedom to do anything on her own. She's up at 5 AM every day to study and then she has to go to Indian classical dance lessons and tennis and she has no choice but to go to medical school. DD says she's not even allowed to date (the girls are in the 8th grade). And when DD visited their home for a sleepover, she found that the kids there don't even do chores, and if they want they're allowed to eat in their rooms. Household tasks are "beneath" them.

They're a nice family and DD seems to like her friend (although I don't want her to get any ideas about being pampered at home and not being made to do her own laundry), but I really feel like Indians are raising handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant, can't think for themselves, and are too tied to their parents' apron strings.

I'm going to flame away because she just painted all Indians with one brush! JFC!

Oh, give it a rest.

I'm one of the PPs who posted that I was simultaneously coddled and tiger parented. There ARE some generalizations about how different cultures parent.

You and the other PPs implying the OP is racist need to back off. I responded with an honest response because I don't really think the OP is racist. She's just asking. Sure, maybe she's judging, but there are tons of people judging on this board. And, maybe understanding more why things are the way they are for her DD's friend's family might help her understand the kid a little better. If OP really was 'racist' (whatever that means), she probably wouldn't be letting her DD go over to this friend's house. Sounds like she's looking for some explanations as to the Indian parents' reasoning for their parenting.

I'm sorry but if OP had a question, I seem to have missed it? All I can see is a laundry list of judgment summed up in a sentence or two at the end. The facts she's presented may be true, but the judgment in the way she has presented them and the disdain for the way other families/cultures parent is what makes her statements racist and offensive. Everyone has rules, OP. Just because your DD"s friend's parents rules are different, doesn't make them wrong or bad. But judging them the way you are and drawing broad sweeping generalizations about a culture based on one family is offensive. (Handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant? Really?) Focus on the way you are raising your own child and stop worrying so much about what everyone else does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no clue what's the "norm" or not. But my son's best friend is Indian, and I see no traces of Tiger parenting going on in that house. The boy is loved. He still sleeps with his parents. He isn't enrolled in a million activities. They read to him. No Kumon. Other than the cosleeping at an elementary school age, their house is pretty similar to ours.

Are the parents first generation or second generation Indian.

I'm the Indian PP whose parents are appalled by my CIO/not feeding the kids, etc. Obviously we're not raising our kids the same way our parents raised us. So, if your son's best friend is 3rd generation (parents are 2nd generation), it's totally different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always a little taken aback by how involved and rulesy Indian parents are. DD's friend from school is Indian and I know the mother quite well. She tiger parents AND coddles to a weird extent. The Indian girl's life is regimented and run on rules and a schedule and no freedom to do anything on her own. She's up at 5 AM every day to study and then she has to go to Indian classical dance lessons and tennis and she has no choice but to go to medical school. DD says she's not even allowed to date (the girls are in the 8th grade). And when DD visited their home for a sleepover, she found that the kids there don't even do chores, and if they want they're allowed to eat in their rooms. Household tasks are "beneath" them.

They're a nice family and DD seems to like her friend (although I don't want her to get any ideas about being pampered at home and not being made to do her own laundry), but I really feel like Indians are raising handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant, can't think for themselves, and are too tied to their parents' apron strings.

I'm going to flame away because she just painted all Indians with one brush! JFC!

Oh, give it a rest.

I'm one of the PPs who posted that I was simultaneously coddled and tiger parented. There ARE some generalizations about how different cultures parent.

You and the other PPs implying the OP is racist need to back off. I responded with an honest response because I don't really think the OP is racist. She's just asking. Sure, maybe she's judging, but there are tons of people judging on this board. And, maybe understanding more why things are the way they are for her DD's friend's family might help her understand the kid a little better. If OP really was 'racist' (whatever that means), she probably wouldn't be letting her DD go over to this friend's house. Sounds like she's looking for some explanations as to the Indian parents' reasoning for their parenting.

I'm sorry but if OP had a question, I seem to have missed it? All I can see is a laundry list of judgment summed up in a sentence or two at the end. The facts she's presented may be true, but the judgment in the way she has presented them and the disdain for the way other families/cultures parent is what makes her statements racist and offensive. Everyone has rules, OP. Just because your DD"s friend's parents rules are different, doesn't make them wrong or bad. But judging them the way you are and drawing broad sweeping generalizations about a culture based on one family is offensive. (Handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant? Really?) Focus on the way you are raising your own child and stop worrying so much about what everyone else does.

Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and loved my childhood. I was tiger parented and coddled.

If I was studying in my room for a tough exam, my maid came up with my breakfast tray, lunch tray, tea & snacks tray, and then maybe I would go downstairs and relax with the family during dinner. My clothes were laundered/dry cleaned, perfectly ironed and brought up to my room in folded stacks, and then I'd put them away in my cupboard. I was loved, supported, and petted, and never disrespected my parents.

When I was stressed out during exam periods, there was a sense that the whole community supported you. Other kids were going through the same thing. There would be pujas (prayers) to the goddess of education and knowledge, and my grandparents, neighbors, school counselor, teachers, and other family friends would wish me good luck and understand my anxiety.

I'm grateful for my tiger parenting as well. I was slightly lazy, undisciplined and irresponsible in elementary school, and my parents kicked my ass into shape - but always with love. I was forced to get my act together and it paid off for me BIG TIME.

Sorry you think allowing a kid to eat in her room or instilling a love of learning and achieving in her is "weird" OP. I call that a blessing.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm an Indian PP and my parents are (for the most part) APPALLED by my parenting.
How it's horrible that I let the kids CIO. How I should still be hand-feeding my 2 year old. How I shouldn't be so strict. How my K DD should be learning her times tables. How we're not religious enough.

They love my kids, but feel that my parenting style is way too "American". And, trust me, there is plenty of criticism of 'western' parenting techniques in their social circle.