I always maintained that i would only get married if I got pregnant as I thought that it was unnecessary otherwise. We got pregnant and I married him and I would not have married him (or anyone else for that matter) otherwise.

However, now that i am married to him - i really love it. If i had to do it all over again, i would marry him DC or no DC.

Caveat - we are only 5 years into our marriage. Ask me in 10 years time and I might be singing a different tune.

Totally! I love the shit outta my husband!

No.

Absolutely. I actually think things would be better and easier between us without the kids, though ours are still very young and I look forward to things getting easier someday anyway.

Yes, absolutely!

PP with 5 kids is right. This is the most depressing thread on DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seems like us single gals should not be tyring to get married after all!

+1

Mid 30s, don't want children. Being in a committed relationship (while not married) is great, but I've seen far too many friends and family members get separated, divorced, or have problem after problem after problem. I don't care about being an unmarried old spinster - I definitely don't believe I'm missing out!

Sounds like you and OP should get together

Anonymous wrote:Contemplating a LTR and possibly marriage, but parenting is not for me. So I just need honest answers from both DHs and DWs. With all the complexities that come with parenting and marriage (loss of libido, no time for sex, finances, etc) do you think you would remain madly in love with, and sexually drawn to that s/o of yours forever had kids not been in the mix?

DH here, The kids are really the best part of our marriage. My bad parts of our marriage were there before we had kids. I LOVE my kids but having them makes it harder to leave my bad marriage. We were sexless roommates before kids and we are sexless roommates who are co-parents after kids. Our best sex and the only unprotected sex that we had was when we tried to conceive our kids. I always thought that our marriage would get better... But I don't think that she really loved me. Now that I want to end my failed marriage... I am stuck because I don't want to hurt my kids.

When I do get divorced and find someone else that I want to marry.. I would prefer someone that already has kids and does not want more. I have already experienced the early stages of kids. Even though I loved that stage, I don't need to do it again. So if and when I remarry, I would want to marry someone who has kids but does not want more...

Yes, we enjoy each other's company.

No

Anonymous wrote:seems like us single gals should not be tyring to get married after all!

+1

Mid 30s, don't want children. Being in a committed relationship (while not married) is great, but I've seen far too many friends and family members get separated, divorced, or have problem after problem after problem. I don't care about being an unmarried old spinster - I definitely don't believe I'm missing out!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the first happy PP with five grown/nearly grown kids. This thread is one of the saddest I've ever read on dcum... And that says a lot!

Are there really that few of us who are happily married? Our children have given us immeasurable joy! I adore them! Being their mom has just been an amazing journey! But my husband is my life partner. My best friend in the world. The one I will grow old with. Time with our children is brief compared to the rest of our lives with our soul mate.

Seriously. Your kids will grow up and leave. It will happen faster than you can imagine. If you aren't nurturing the relationship with your spouse now,
you'll find there is no relationship once the kids are gone. There is no luck or magic trick. It takes hard work and a daily commitment to choose to love.

Love my kids, but my DH and I have always put our marriage first. 28 years and counting.....

No I'm actually happily married. But if I didn't have kids and didn't need a stable life for them, why not just live alone and date who I wanted and have lots of different relationships? I'm happy with my life but if I didn't have them, my life would be radically different. This doesn't preclude happiness now, it just means if I didn't have kids I would be leading a very different life. Marriage without kids is pointless to me.

This also doesn't mean I will be getting divorced when they leave the house. I love my husband and our family. But had I not wanted a family I would never have gotten married.

YES. You have a child for 18 years and then they are out of the house. You have your spouse for a lifetime.

Anonymous wrote:I am the first happy PP with five grown/nearly grown kids. This thread is one of the saddest I've ever read on dcum... And that says a lot!

Are there really that few of us who are happily married? Our children have given us immeasurable joy! I adore them! Being their mom has just been an amazing journey! But my husband is my life partner. My best friend in the world. The one I will grow old with. Time with our children is brief compared to the rest of our lives with our soul mate.

Seriously. Your kids will grow up and leave. It will happen faster than you can imagine. If you aren't nurturing the relationship with your spouse now,
you'll find there is no relationship once the kids are gone. There is no luck or magic trick. It takes hard work and a daily commitment to choose to love.

Love my kids, but my DH and I have always put our marriage first. 28 years and counting.....

No I'm actually happily married. But if I didn't have kids and didn't need a stable life for them, why not just live alone and date who I wanted and have lots of different relationships? I'm happy with my life but if I didn't have them, my life would be radically different. This doesn't preclude happiness now, it just means if I didn't have kids I would be leading a very different life. Marriage without kids is pointless to me.

OP here. Thanks very much for the honest responses. My take from this is that this Anglo-American approach to marriage and family which we practice, while workable, is really flawed. It is very risky; it does not make you totally happy (emotionally, financially, and sexually) when kids are in the mix; and is really over-rated. While I like the stability of building a life together with someone, vacationing at will, and having crazy sex without worrying about kids, I am really wondering if it is worth the trouble of legally joining assets and all of that stuff.

Kudos to the ones who got it right and married your best friends and still remain tight despite parenting and temptations outside. For me who seems unlucky and doesn't fancy parenting at all, I will just stick to dating and the 'friend with benefits' scenario, so I don't live a life of total frustration, or have child support drama when I choose to go elsewhere and be happy.

Yes, we still would be married even without DC.