Anonymous
08/10/2014 13:10
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:In 25 years, I have never heard my DH swear. He just doesn't. He has never called me a "name" or anyone else. His parents never swore, and his siblings don't either.
I myself don't swear, and neither do my parents who have been married 50 years. My siblings don't either.
Swearing and name-calling are learned behaviors. If you grew up with it, and do it yourself, I can see how you might marry someone who does this because it seems "normal."
Otherwise, how could you allow yourself to be in a relationship like this?
You had something of a role in allowing yourself to be called these names because the very first time it happened, you did not say to your spouse "NEVER AGAIN" and mean it. The second time it happened, you did not leave the relationship.
I would expect my young adult children to not stand for this in their relationships. It is not part of our family culture and they would be shocked to be called a name by someone they love.
To those who are dating and not yet married, DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO SWEAR AT OTHER PEOPLE. THEY WILL SWEAR AT YOU.
To those who are married, DO NOT ALLOW THIS. You have consented to it, in some way or another, by staying. LEAVE IF PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. Period.
Stop acting so fucking childish.
Anonymous
08/10/2014 13:09
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
I think that after 14 years with him I'm probably a better judge of that than you are.
I'm a guy. It only shows you have consistently poor judgment and it hasn't improved in 14 years. I've never told a loved one to "get off her fat ass" and I never will. Amazing what some people will put up with.
Anonymous
08/10/2014 10:57
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My DH is a very loving person EXCEPT for when we're in the middle of a fight - and then he lashes out and is mean and cruel.
Then he's not a loving person.
I think that after 14 years with him I'm probably a better judge of that than you are.
Anonymous
08/10/2014 10:41
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:My DH is a very loving person EXCEPT for when we're in the middle of a fight - and then he lashes out and is mean and cruel.
Then he's not a loving person.
Anonymous
08/10/2014 09:01
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
My DH is a very loving person EXCEPT for when we're in the middle of a fight - and then he lashes out and is mean and cruel. Especially when he knows he's wrong. We were arguing one time when I was about 7 months pregnant, and he yelled at me "why don't you get off your fat ass and...". I had lost a lot of weight before the pregnancy (gone from morbidly obese to a normal weight), and then gained a ton when I was pregnant, and the weight gain was something that really upset and worried me. He knew that, and so calling me fat was the meanest thing he could think of to say to me at the time. He had never, ever called me fat before, and we met and married when I was a much higher weight than I was at 7 months pregnant. He's apologized many times over for that one.
Anonymous
08/10/2014 00:35
Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Called me a "piece of work" with such disgust. I can still hear it.
We've come a long way since then and I'd never want to be married to anyone else but it still ouches.
We've come a long way since then and I'd never want to be married to anyone else but it still ouches.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 15:14
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
In 25 years, I have never heard my DH swear. He just doesn't. He has never called me a "name" or anyone else. His parents never swore, and his siblings don't either.
I myself don't swear, and neither do my parents who have been married 50 years. My siblings don't either.
Swearing and name-calling are learned behaviors. If you grew up with it, and do it yourself, I can see how you might marry someone who does this because it seems "normal."
Otherwise, how could you allow yourself to be in a relationship like this?
You had something of a role in allowing yourself to be called these names because the very first time it happened, you did not say to your spouse "NEVER AGAIN" and mean it. The second time it happened, you did not leave the relationship.
I would expect my young adult children to not stand for this in their relationships. It is not part of our family culture and they would be shocked to be called a name by someone they love.
To those who are dating and not yet married, DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO SWEAR AT OTHER PEOPLE. THEY WILL SWEAR AT YOU.
To those who are married, DO NOT ALLOW THIS. You have consented to it, in some way or another, by staying. LEAVE IF PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. Period.
I myself don't swear, and neither do my parents who have been married 50 years. My siblings don't either.
Swearing and name-calling are learned behaviors. If you grew up with it, and do it yourself, I can see how you might marry someone who does this because it seems "normal."
Otherwise, how could you allow yourself to be in a relationship like this?
You had something of a role in allowing yourself to be called these names because the very first time it happened, you did not say to your spouse "NEVER AGAIN" and mean it. The second time it happened, you did not leave the relationship.
I would expect my young adult children to not stand for this in their relationships. It is not part of our family culture and they would be shocked to be called a name by someone they love.
To those who are dating and not yet married, DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO SWEAR AT OTHER PEOPLE. THEY WILL SWEAR AT YOU.
To those who are married, DO NOT ALLOW THIS. You have consented to it, in some way or another, by staying. LEAVE IF PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. Period.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 11:56
Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
I'm 13:47, who eventually divorced the guy who cut me down so often in so many ways. It took a LONG time, but I'm happy to report that I'm in a relationship now with someone truly loving and respectful, and it is apples to oranges.
It is so hard to learn to let someone love you after living like this. I swear, my man has the patience of a saint, because in a lot of ways I'm *still* unspooling from the experience. I can't imagine either one if us acting like this, ever. That's a good thing
It is so hard to learn to let someone love you after living like this. I swear, my man has the patience of a saint, because in a lot of ways I'm *still* unspooling from the experience. I can't imagine either one if us acting like this, ever. That's a good thing
Anonymous
08/09/2014 11:44
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
DH here ............. This is all so sad to read, really. Been married over 30 yrs and we've never name called, if so, it'd be the end of the marriage. No respect, No marriage.
I could strangle some of your husbands, a holes like them might be married to my daughter some day and I would never ever want her to put up with that crap
You don't think so now, but I promise, there are lots of men that would never disrepect you in such ways. My heart feels for you all.
DW here. I could not agree more. My DH, father, and FIL do not say anything like these, and I am horrified reading this. Additionally, I don't say anything like this to my DH.
Another DW here. I have known my DH for 20 years and married for over half that time and we have never said those things to each other. There are many of us like this but it does not get much play.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 11:37
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
DH here ............. This is all so sad to read, really. Been married over 30 yrs and we've never name called, if so, it'd be the end of the marriage. No respect, No marriage.
I could strangle some of your husbands, a holes like them might be married to my daughter some day and I would never ever want her to put up with that crap
You don't think so now, but I promise, there are lots of men that would never disrepect you in such ways. My heart feels for you all.
NP. I honestly have tears in my eyes. Thank you for this.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 10:50
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
DH here ............. This is all so sad to read, really. Been married over 30 yrs and we've never name called, if so, it'd be the end of the marriage. No respect, No marriage.
I could strangle some of your husbands, a holes like them might be married to my daughter some day and I would never ever want her to put up with that crap
You don't think so now, but I promise, there are lots of men that would never disrepect you in such ways. My heart feels for you all.
DW here. I could not agree more. My DH, father, and FIL do not say anything like these, and I am horrified reading this. Additionally, I don't say anything like this to my DH.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 10:45
Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Single at 39, never married. This thread doesn't make me feel so bad anymore. I would like to hug all of you, you don't deserve to be treated that way.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 10:31
Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:I'm on my second marriage and whenever we have a bad argument, DH says that I have too failed marriages and am therefore the common denominator in both.
Next time say, "You're right. I keep choosing assholes." Which is probably true.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 09:47
Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
I'm on my second marriage and whenever we have a bad argument, DH says that I have too failed marriages and am therefore the common denominator in both.
Anonymous
08/09/2014 09:43
Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
DH here ............. This is all so sad to read, really. Been married over 30 yrs and we've never name called, if so, it'd be the end of the marriage. No respect, No marriage.
I could strangle some of your husbands, a holes like them might be married to my daughter some day and I would never ever want her to put up with that crap
You don't think so now, but I promise, there are lots of men that would never disrepect you in such ways. My heart feels for you all.
And what the wives say to husbands doesn't count? How about wives angry that their husbands don't make more money for them to spend and take it out on them?