Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo are we going to talk about the fact that you're looking at your college-age son's Facebook account? How is that not helicopter parenting?

Well said. The helicoptering has become so bad that during first-year move in, many colleges schedule a parent "information session" at the same time student orientation is starting so they can get the parents the hell away from their kids. Then they schedule an off-campus social for the kids to force the parents to get in their cars and drive away. I know it's sad to leave a kid at college, but the fact that these kinds of maneuvers are required is pretty pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Anonymous wrote:Soooo are we going to talk about the fact that you're looking at your college-age son's Facebook account? How is that not helicopter parenting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over involved, enmeshed parents. They are doing more harm than good to their kids but often they are so caught up due to their own anxiety and own expectations, that they lose sight of what their child aka young adult needs.

The kids soon either just pull away or go underground - living one life for parents and one that parents aren't part of.

Asking questions on an open forum does not necessarily mean that the parents are over involved and enmeshed. Some kids finish high school when they are 17 or even 16 and need parental guidance.

+1

Those shouting about "helicoptering" are simply projecting their own guilt about not doing enough

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

I have no problem with parents making sure that the college and professors are providing their child with a high-quality education, especially since they are paying for it, in many cases! You wouldn't say the same about a shareholder checking in on a business that they've invested in, would you?

^^^?So a college professor is kind enough to come on this forum and tell you truthfully how such behavior appears to them and affects their impression of your child. But you want to argue anyway? Clearly you don't get it. You just don't.

If a child can't advocate for themselves by college, that is a skill they need to develop, not a reason for parents to step in. Please pay close attention at the parent orientation when your kid goes to college -- when they talk about the need to let go, they're talking directly to you.

A college professor coming on to the DCUM message board is at least as creepy as a mom on the DC's fb account. There is some serious dysfunction on this thread. Maybe best to leave it to the parents to decide without judging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

I have no problem with parents making sure that the college and professors are providing their child with a high-quality education, especially since they are paying for it, in many cases! You wouldn't say the same about a shareholder checking in on a business that they've invested in, would you?

^^^?So a college professor is kind enough to come on this forum and tell you truthfully how such behavior appears to them and affects their impression of your child. But you want to argue anyway? Clearly you don't get it. You just don't.

If a child can't advocate for themselves by college, that is a skill they need to develop, not a reason for parents to step in. Please pay close attention at the parent orientation when your kid goes to college -- when they talk about the need to let go, they're talking directly to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

I have no problem with parents making sure that the college and professors are providing their child with a high-quality education, especially since they are paying for it, in many cases! You wouldn't say the same about a shareholder checking in on a business that they've invested in, would you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

I have no problem with parents making sure that the college and professors are providing their child with a high-quality education, especially since they are paying for it, in many cases! You wouldn't say the same about a shareholder checking in on a business that they've invested in, would you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

I have no problem with parents making sure that the college and professors are providing their child with a high-quality education, especially since they are paying for it, in many cases! You wouldn't say the same about a shareholder checking in on a business that they've invested in, would you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I think that it has been the norm for a while now that parents are enmeshed in their kids lives even when they leave for college. I've also heard too many stories about how the kids were so coddled in HS that they left school after a semester because they were so homesick or couldn't handle being on their own. I find this sad. When I went to college there weren't cell phones so I had a set time every week to talk to my parents. I could call but I had to use a calling card and it was expensive, anyone remember those days? My parents were supportive but they would never dream of calling a professor on my behalf. They would tell me to go to the professor's office hours if I had issues. If I needed extra help they were willing to help with the expense of a tutor, if that is what it took but they expected me to figure out what I needed. If I went over my budget for the month I wouldn't get more money unless it was an out of the ordinary expense, not because I blew my allowance for the month. (Yes, my parents paid for school and my expenses. I went to a state school and I know I am very lucky)

I don't get it, my thought is that I should be raising my kids to become independent, productive members of society. Never cutting the cord does hinders everyone.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a fb member of The U Class of 2018 Parent Connection." Parents ask each other about local hotels and restaurants, what's the best days to arrive or best plane fares etc. And some sweet posts of moms just missing their kids.