I think you're very thoughtful, OP. We actually sent through something similar with our DD last year. We were in a Montessori and moved her to a play-based school where she would have 0 academics. Seriously, most of the kids barely knew the alphabet at age 5 and that was just fine. This is a school located in one of the highest income parts of the DC metro area and most of the parents are highly educated so no one really needed to know the alphabet at that age and it's clear they will all do just fine in K.

She's still a driven kid (it's just her nature) but that year in a play-based program REALLY made her stop and think about other things like art and beauty and kindness, being socially responsible. Things you can't really measure or rank. It is the best decision we ever made.

I'm not saying you should hold your child back if she's that advanced but it was really a happy year for our DD.

That is a very superficial read of the situation. Her DD likes hanging out with older kids and have trouble relating to age peers because they are not as verbal. She can do advanced piano pieces and word math problems aimed at someone 5 years old. No matter how competitive someone is, she has to have some real gift to be able to do this. It will be a shame to not nurture this in a healthy way. To the contrary of what OP thinks, not giving enough challenges is the real danger here in her developing into a happy adult.

I agree not to redshirt her--but skip her ahead? Terrible idea. She is turning FOUR. A lot can change in a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Instead of redshirting, I think your child will benefit from grade skipping. The key is to put her in a position that she is not always the best. Don't let her always use big brother as the target, he is going to resent that sooner or later. Find her something that is her own with other gifted children as peers.

No. Why would you set up a driven child to turn on even more drive?

That is a very superficial read of the situation. Her DD likes hanging out with older kids and have trouble relating to age peers because they are not as verbal. She can do advanced piano pieces and word math problems aimed at someone 5 years old. No matter how competitive someone is, she has to have some real gift to be able to do this. It will be a shame to not nurture this in a healthy way. To the contrary of what OP thinks, not giving enough challenges is the real danger here in her developing into a happy adult.

Instead of redshirting, I think your child will benefit from grade skipping. The key is to put her in a position that she is not always the best. Don't let her always use big brother as the target, he is going to resent that sooner or later. Find her something that is her own with other gifted children as peers.

No. Why would you set up a driven child to turn on even more drive?

I'm in MCPS, and I find absolutely no "rat race" in elementary school (except for maybe when it comes to athletics, where people have their kids in a crazy number of sports at a young age, although that may be to make up for the fact that the public schools only do PE 1x a week now and kids just need more athletic opportunities). If you keep her back and she is bored in preschool, she'll be more likely to act up in preschool. I would not hold back for this at all.

Op just a word on bring driven: I was a very driven kid. Even at age five I would push myself to do well in my interests. I would do handstands for three hours at a time. To my mother it may have seemed I was just focused on one thing. She didn't know I had a whole story going in my head about how my coaches were sitting on the living room couch judging me, giving me critiques to make me better, etc. I would do floor routines and pretend it was competition even though it was just the living room. There was a lot of creativity going on in my head. I just didn't feel the need to share it with my parents. It was my own private happy thoughts.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I have to take long hard look at my expectations, the world from my daughters perspective and how are habit are shaping her as well.
Thank you again

I'm the youngest child in my family. I was like your daughter. The thing with being the youngest is that you are always losing. Your older siblings win the games, the races, they understand jokes that you'll only understand "when you're older." They get privileges you don't get. And it's in your face, all the time. It's reasonable for a younger sibling to want to win some of the games, understand those jokes, get those privileges.

My older siblings would always be able to pull the "we're older" card, but in matters of skill I was eventually able to meet them on equal footing. I did not lose any of my childhood by working to get better at the monkey bars so I could go across as fast as my sister, or working to understand chess so I could eventually at least give my brother a run for his money.

You might want to consider if your household is particularly in-your-daughter's-face about things she can't do because of her age. But I bet she just wants to be on the same playing field as everyone else. Holding her back would do her a disservice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about the Acorn Hill camp. While I agree that parents absolutely need to accept their children for who they are, it is not misplaced for the OP to be thoughtful about helping her daughter develop as a balanced person. I just finished reading a book entitled "Hothouse Kids, The Dilemma of the Gifted Child" http://www.amazon.com/Hothouse-Kids-Dilemma-Gifted-Child/dp/1594200955. It is not the best written book but it covers an interesting subject matter. It is important to stimulate and meet the needs of bright and driven children, however, you also want them to develop a good foundation for friendships and interpersonal skills. For young children play develops some of the "soft" skills that help adults. This doesn't have to mean holding back so much as being mindful about providing the environment and opportunities needed to develop in as balanced a way possible.

Op here- this is exactly what I set out trying to understand how to do. I need to temper it with more acceptance though

I think you need to understand if you DD is self-driven, then you are not doing the hothousing. Instead of redshirting, I think your child will benefit from grade skipping. The key is to put her in a position that she is not always the best. Don't let her always use big brother as the target, he is going to resent that sooner or later. Find her something that is her own with other gifted children as peers.

Absolutely send her to school this year. She'll meet other kids her age and level, so she'll have a peer group that isn't her brother. She'll have plenty of fun.

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about the Acorn Hill camp. While I agree that parents absolutely need to accept their children for who they are, it is not misplaced for the OP to be thoughtful about helping her daughter develop as a balanced person. I just finished reading a book entitled "Hothouse Kids, The Dilemma of the Gifted Child" http://www.amazon.com/Hothouse-Kids-Dilemma-Gifted-Child/dp/1594200955. It is not the best written book but it covers an interesting subject matter. It is important to stimulate and meet the needs of bright and driven children, however, you also want them to develop a good foundation for friendships and interpersonal skills. For young children play develops some of the "soft" skills that help adults. This doesn't have to mean holding back so much as being mindful about providing the environment and opportunities needed to develop in as balanced a way possible.

Op here- this is exactly what I set out trying to understand how to do. I need to temper it with more acceptance though

Just remember: You have a responsibility to love and care for your child. However, she is NOT your possession. Think about it. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis!

I posted earlier about the Acorn Hill camp. While I agree that parents absolutely need to accept their children for who they are, it is not misplaced for the OP to be thoughtful about helping her daughter develop as a balanced person. I just finished reading a book entitled "Hothouse Kids, The Dilemma of the Gifted Child" http://www.amazon.com/Hothouse-Kids-Dilemma-Gifted-Child/dp/1594200955. It is not the best written book but it covers an interesting subject matter. It is important to stimulate and meet the needs of bright and driven children, however, you also want them to develop a good foundation for friendships and interpersonal skills. For young children play develops some of the "soft" skills that help adults. This doesn't have to mean holding back so much as being mindful about providing the environment and opportunities needed to develop in as balanced a way possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My title for the thread I admit, is misleading. This is not about holding back a child because she is advanced. Being advanced is a symptom of her nature. Driven, not balanced and not interested in creative role playing as much as achievement. Advanced kids become average and vice versa - I get it. However, being well adjusted and balanced will hopefully contribute to good friendships and long term happiness along the way.

I agree with you though. Holding her back in Pre-K may backfire in other ways and be compounded by her need to overachieve in every situation.

I should have asked how to get her to just be a child and calm the f*$k down

I'm going to give you the Carolyn Hax answer to any question involving "How can I get [somebody] to [change themselves in the way I want]?" Namely: you can't.

Besides, she is a child, and so therefore by definition she is being a child, even if she is not doing the things you think being a child involves. If I were you, I would think about my unwillingness to accept my daughter as the person she is.

!!!! I never thought about it this way. I really needed to hear this. wow

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready, not for kids who are advanced!! What do you think is going to happen to a bright child if you redshirt her? She is going to be bored out of her mind, which could cause serious problems down the line. Seriously, this is one of the weirder things I have read here: my child should be held back because she is advanced??

My title for the thread I admit, is misleading. This is not about holding back a child because she is advanced. Being advanced is a symptom of her nature. Driven, not balanced and not interested in creative role playing as much as achievement. Advanced kids become average and vice versa - I get it. However, being well adjusted and balanced will hopefully contribute to good friendships and long term happiness along the way.

I agree with you though. Holding her back in Pre-K may backfire in other ways and be compounded by her need to overachieve in every situation.

I should have asked how to get her to just be a child and calm the f*$k down

I like the idea of the Waldorf camp. Reggio is similar, but maybe too late to change preschools. Maybe team sports would be good down the line too? Things less focused on individual achievement?