Anonymous wrote:Are people bothered when a party does NOT say no gifts?

I worried a little about this with my child's (age 5) recent birthday party (first year he's had a party with friends). We didn't mention gifts on the invite, and I wondered if people would think we were greedy. As it turned out, 3 of the 4 families brought a gift.

A bit off topic, but we went to a "no gifts, please" party last week and we were the ONLY guests who showed up without a gift. We were the only 'tier 2' guests (not related by blood), so I guess everyone else blew off the parents' request. I felt like an a$$ when I saw the pile of gifts as we handed over our handmade cards.

We say "no gifts please" mostly b/c our kids don't need more stuff & we invite their whole class & don't want families to feel like they should buy a gift for people they don't know well. Also, SES varies in school so don't want to put strain on folks.

Anonymous wrote:We always have a book drive or toy drive in lieu of gifts. That way, the guests don't feel awkward showing up with nothing and we don't have a bunch of gifts we don't want, and a worthy charity gets a donation. Everyone wins!

I actually find this more tacky than "no gifts".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always have a book drive or toy drive in lieu of gifts. That way, the guests don't feel awkward showing up with nothing and we don't have a bunch of gifts we don't want, and a worthy charity gets a donation. Everyone wins!

That's dumb, I wouldn't participate in that.

You must be a delightful person to know.

No gift to BD party is awkward. Although the invitation says so, I think they don't want big gifts taking up their house space or their kid already has ton of them. I would either bring small gift or a gift card with card.

We went to a "no gifts please" party for one of my kid's preschool friends and there were a ton of gifts. We didn't bring one. I felt awkward. I did bring a card

Anonymous wrote:We always have a book drive or toy drive in lieu of gifts. That way, the guests don't feel awkward showing up with nothing and we don't have a bunch of gifts we don't want, and a worthy charity gets a donation. Everyone wins!

That's dumb, I wouldn't participate in that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*hides*

Here we go.

I've done this. I genuinely don't want gifts. If someone brings one, I will graciously accept it, but I don't want guests to go to additional trouble/spend money/give us stuff we don't need.

A good example of why a no-gifts policy is a poor idea. It is going to make someone feel awkward, somehow. Sent a party invite, do not mention gifts, end of story.

But then you get gifts. I don't want gifts. (I'm the other PP who tries to do this.)

How do ppl feel about "your presence is your present"? That's what I use most. I really think it's clear. Most people who show up with gifts in the face of such an invitation acknowledge that they understood I didn't want them.

This! We just did this -- "we appreciate your presence not your presents, we do not have any room for the latter"

I would take it as meaning the child has enough toys/gadgets that the parents would prefer your PRESENCE instead of your PRESENTS.

Anonymous wrote:I would think of that to mean, that you don't have to feel obligated to get the kid anything. So if you want to cool if not, thats ok to.

This. It's different than "no gifts, please," which is the definitive way to state that you do NOT want gifts.

It is surprising to me that a child psychologist thinks that all little girls would like to receive "any craft/art project" as a present. Mine would not.

Also, you sound sort of unpleasant.

.... Continuation of post above....
... I can tell you parents today focus on the most ridiculous things to ground their kids. It's misplaced and unfortunately all too common. That's another story!!! But I take a gift to every party my kids attend. A modest one they help pick out ( if time permits).... And at their parties for their own birthday, they always open the gifts in front of the other kids. They show true appreciation -- not just setting them on table to open later, like it's the guests obligatory " ticket" to the party to leave at table as you arrive!
Good luck-- take a gift. Put some thought into it and don't spend too much. A book set for tween or any craft/ art project for little girl.

No gift parties are the most pretentious ridiculous thing ever.... It's like the parents who brag about having their kids work at a food kitchen and then live in half million dollar house and buy their 16 year old a new car.... Yeah, your kids will understand how fortunate they are and be kind generous souls. Please!! Have a good old fashioned party, have guests bring a gift and if your child isn't a soiled obnoxious brat with too many toys already, they may actually appreciate the kind gesture and we'll wishes of their friends.
If parties were normal and guest lists were reasonable - then parents could send kids to it with 10 gift and actually celebrate the birthday!
I'm a child psychologist and can tell

At my DD's 3rd birthday party, we did no gifts please, and most people didn't bring one. I would say about 25% did, mostly books. I genuinely prefer no gifts both as a host and a guest. These are upper-middle-class kids who have tons of stuff.