Anonymous wrote:Ah, women behaving like men. Assuming a troll post, but I will bite.

It's pretty simple. There are men you take home to meet Mom and Dad, and there are man "whores" with whom to enjoy great mutual casual sex fun. Both men and women advance sexually slower with an LTR prospect.

Many men don't respect women who behave like a lot of men. Madonna/Whore dichotomy combined with social norms. Men resent the sexual power of young females and seek to shame them into submission.

OP. Focus on chasing #1. You owe him no sexual explanation any more so than a man would reveal under similar circumstances. Focus the conversation on exclusivity if that's what you want.

Hope your date is going well.

Yup.

It would be funny as hell if guy one reads DCUM and saw the post.

This post is a great example of double standards.

If a guy posted and said the same as Op about a few girls, he would be stoned and called all kinds of names.

I agree with you PP somewhat. 21:50 here.

However, we cannot neglect a huge double standard though.

Equal sexual acts weighed against societal norms. Women are sluts. Men are slut shaming bros. Come on.

sigh. Dating was so much easier for our grandparents. Met the girl one night at the dance hall shortly after high school. Both virgins. Neither dating anyone else. SO MUCH EASIER.

Anonymous wrote:No no no. You guys are making it seem like Mr 1 is somehow less to me than the second guy. That is completely not true. Guy 2 was there just after I had a bit of a dry spell in dating. It's not like I consciously went out of my way for him because I didn't. Guy 1, I did. We spend a lot of time together, enjoy doing stuff together and I really think we could be a great couple.

So I didn't treat Guy 1 poorly. The sex thing was just to take a bit slower than in the past so it's isn't just a physical thing with him. But I can see how it may not look that way I guess

that's fine - you don't have to explain to us. however why are you getting worked up about it? If guy 1 is truly right for you then he won't care. and if he does care then its best you end things now.

your waffling and thinking about being untruthful is the issue here.

Ah, women behaving like men. Assuming a troll post, but I will bite.

It's pretty simple. There are men you take home to meet Mom and Dad, and there are man "whores" with whom to enjoy great mutual casual sex fun. Both men and women advance sexually slower with an LTR prospect.

Many men don't respect women who behave like a lot of men. Madonna/Whore dichotomy combined with social norms. Men resent the sexual power of young females and seek to shame them into submission.

OP. Focus on chasing #1. You owe him no sexual explanation any more so than a man would reveal under similar circumstances. Focus the conversation on exclusivity if that's what you want.

Hope your date is going well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP give us an update. You aren't exclusive therefore you did nothing wrong.

Did she say they weren't exclusive? I didn't see that posted anywhere. Maybe there was an assumption on his part, which means he should have been clear.

OP, Be honest with him. If he asks if you slept with #2, don't lie.

Don't tell him you slept with the other guy! Some things are better left unsaid. Why would he think you were exclusive? I would just tell him that you were trying to keep yourself open since you haven't dated much recently but really enjoy your time with him. Do you want to be exclusive with guy 1? Forgive me if you've already answered this, I haven't read all the responses yet.

This girl is the epitome of everything that keeps getting discussed over and over. Wants to take things slowly with guy 1, but immediately has sex with guy 2 and guy 3.

Same scenario, different woman, over and over and over. If guy 1 has brains, he will run.

Anonymous wrote:No no no. You guys are making it seem like Mr 1 is somehow less to me than the second guy. That is completely not true. Guy 2 was there just after I had a bit of a dry spell in dating. It's not like I consciously went out of my way for him because I didn't. Guy 1, I did. We spend a lot of time together, enjoy doing stuff together and I really think we could be a great couple.

So I didn't treat Guy 1 poorly. The sex thing was just to take a bit slower than in the past so it's isn't just a physical thing with him. But I can see how it may not look that way I guess

For the posters who can't understand why Guy 1 assumed they were exclusive, please see the bold. Even in the absence of the exclusive talk, wouldn't that suggest something past casual?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will think that you are flighty, not ready to date, or possibly worse.

This is exactly what I'm afraid of and exactly what I don't want.

I just don't want to hurt his feelings

I hope it works out for you. It does always seem likes it's either feast or famine when dating. I think the main question I still have is if you have "great" chemistry with guy#1, what was going to be your plan if things went to the next level? You would have been in the situation of sleeping with more than one guy. If you knew all along that #1 had the best LTR potential, do you think subconsciously you avoided having the exclusive talk because you weren't ready to settle down after the long draught?

If this really was an aha moment and not a matter of guy 1 being second choice because guy 2 is emotionally/LTR unavailable, then you know the right thing to do is break it off with guy 2 with no guarantees it will work out with guy 1. I was dating several guys when I met DH. But deep down I think I knew about at the two month mark right before the exclusive talk, it didn't make sense to hook up with guys coming out the woodwork, because they weren't going to be the one. Why create drama?

It's not clear how far in you are with guy #1. If it's been the at least 6-8 weeks, you are going to need to address this. Not that you can't date other people, because you can, but because you clearly don't seem to want to settle down with him or you would have been asking him if he is seeing other people and trying to move towards exclusive if you wanted that. Best advice I can give is put the shoe on the other foot. If you saw guy #1 with a woman a young Kate Beckinsale/Sofia Vergara/Giselle (pick your ego bruising worst) look alike laughing over drinks/buzzed giving off a vibe that she hadn't been holding out quite as long as you have ....and your friends are there with you, what would you be looking for to feel less hurt/assured that the person really wanted to be in a relationship with you and not a matter of the woman you saw him with not wanting to settle down with him?

Anonymous wrote:No no no. You guys are making it seem like Mr 1 is somehow less to me than the second guy. That is completely not true. Guy 2 was there just after I had a bit of a dry spell in dating. It's not like I consciously went out of my way for him because I didn't. Guy 1, I did. We spend a lot of time together, enjoy doing stuff together and I really think we could be a great couple.

So I didn't treat Guy 1 poorly. The sex thing was just to take a bit slower than in the past so it's isn't just a physical thing with him. But I can see how it may not look that way I guess

Look. Many women will defend what you did and say "it's your body and you can do what you want..." And they aren't wrong. BUT, trying to convince any guy (there was a whole thread on this) that he's the special one and that's WHY you won't sleep with him the way you did immediately for the other two... That will only fly with a guy with no self esteem. So, you land the "no self esteem" guy or he has self respect and bails. You did this to yourself.

Just to sum up guy's interpretation of your original comment and your follow up comment just now:
Guy 1 – "I *really* like him and could settle down with him. No sex yet."
Guy 2 – "I *really* like getting physical with him. Sex already."
Guy 3 – "I don't know what I was thinking, but I slept with him, too."

Guy 1 really loses here and I don't doubt you will only do your "dirty tricks" for guy 2.

No no no. You guys are making it seem like Mr 1 is somehow less to me than the second guy. That is completely not true. Guy 2 was there just after I had a bit of a dry spell in dating. It's not like I consciously went out of my way for him because I didn't. Guy 1, I did. We spend a lot of time together, enjoy doing stuff together and I really think we could be a great couple.

So I didn't treat Guy 1 poorly. The sex thing was just to take a bit slower than in the past so it's isn't just a physical thing with him. But I can see how it may not look that way I guess

Anonymous wrote:Actually I know what guy #1 will do. He'll take her home and bang her tonight then drop her like a hot cake.

Or, if he is as Klassy as she thinks, he's taking her out to dump her tonight.

It depends on guy number 1's self-esteem. If he has none, he'll deal with being second fiddle (and she'll continue to fantasize about guy #2 until she ultimately gets with him again).

There's no rocket science here and there's nothing unique about what's going on or how it's playing out.

Actually I know what guy #1 will do. He'll take her home and bang her tonight then drop her like a hot cake.

Or, if he is as Klassy as she thinks, he's taking her out to dump her tonight.