NP, I agree it's about insecurity, and I'm a big fan of honest, kind, direct conversations. I'd say to her "Sis, I notice you bring up the way your child was conceived all.the.time. It really feels like you feel like you have to prove something, but you don't have anything to prove to us, so I'm wondering why you keep bringing this up? Do you have insecurities about how you conceived, or about your son? Because finding reasons to drop that into conversation all the time seems strange and very much about being concerned about something."

And see what she says. If she's outraged and no that's not why, then ask her again why she brings it up all the time? You don't bring up the sex that you and your DH had to create your kids, why does she bring her process of conception up all the time?

I'm pretty sure she'll either stop saying it or find some other way to vent her insecurity... at which time you can figure out how to have THAT conversation later!

Btw, ITA with whoever said that if she says this in front of your kid, you need to nip that in the bud immediately. No matter what else she says about why she keeps bringing it up, it should be non-negotiable that if she keeps comparing your kids in front of the kids, you will stop spending time with her.

She's really insecure and trying to justify ivf in this manner. Pity her and ignore.

Anonymous wrote:In my family everyone else would find SIL's comments great humor material to be shared for years.

We'd spin it out a lot to see if we could get any more humor material from her.

Really? That's fascinating--have any studies been done on this? I'd be surprised if they aren't any--what you say seems to make so much sense. We're thinking of having another one, do you think the expense of IVF would be worth it? Do you think we could get an even smarter baby by using a donor egg or donor sperm?

Mean, but entertaining! At some point she's going to realize what you're doing and feel rightly incensed by it

Rank insecurity. Anyone claiming their child is smarter for any reason is painfully insecure. I agree with PP who advised to simply confirm that these are SIL's views. I would not give her any additional attention at these times. Your description of these conversations arouses a deep feeling of pity in me for SIL.

In my family everyone else would find SIL's comments great humor material to be shared for years.

We'd spin it out a lot to see if we could get any more humor material from her.

Really? That's fascinating--have any studies been done on this? I'd be surprised if they aren't any--what you say seems to make so much sense. We're thinking of having another one, do you think the expense of IVF would be worth it? Do you think we could get an even smarter baby by using a donor egg or donor sperm?

If she's just saying it to you, you can ignore or laugh at her. If she's saying it in front of the kids then she needs to stop immediately. "Suzie, please don't compare our children. If you continue to put down children then we will stop visiting you."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: She is an idiot. "The best" egg and sperm indicates cellular health, not intellect. REs don't give IQ tests to the sperm. It squirts into a cup, meets her egg in a dish or similar receptacle, and is transferred into her body. Curious why she thinks a more intelligent offspring would result from what is still a random pairing of cells.

Don't they screen donors and accept only from donors who fit certain profiles like age, race, physical attributes, IQ and profession? Maybe she got it from that.

Did SIL use donor sperm or her husband's??

Anonymous wrote:How about "Oh did you use a donor egg?"

Good one!!!

Anonymous wrote:How is she your SIL? Sister of you DH or wife of your brother?

I am hoping that your child has no genetic link to this idiot.

OP: husband's brother's wife.

How is she your SIL? Sister of you DH or wife of your brother?

I am hoping that your child has no genetic link to this idiot.

Well I certainly agree that your daughter is smarter due to the donor egg than if you had conceived her naturally.

IVF can be incredibly tough, physically and emotionally. Maybe she's kind of post traumatic about it and this is her way of coping? No one actually thinks they're lucky because they got to experience physical pain and pay a lot of money to get pregnant.

- a mom via IVF

[b]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds insecure about having had to do IVF to conceive and is trying to make herself feel better about it.

I would just say, "Yes, I've heard you say that many times. It must be important to you." And then change the subject.

Why would anyone be insecure about doing IVF? Can't we just chalk it up to general rudeness? Infertile people can be jerks too!

She needed IVF for a reason. Does she think nature just threw her something interesting?

Anonymous wrote:How old is her precious snowflake? I agree, just let karma do its thing. Though I would be tempted to, next time theh kid is acting up in any way, say "oh, I didn't think IVF babies acted like that!"

I love this. Can you please do this and report back how she reacted?