Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 10:21     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Why are you still seeing him? And yes, you need to cut back on the drinking. Don't make yourself vulnerable in that way.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 10:19     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:OP, you were raped before, and physically abused. You're sleeping with someone now but not in a committed relationship. You were so drunk that you were unable to have sex, but you were trying (with the guy you sleep with but can't call boyfriend). That guy made a joke about raping you, despite knowing your history. You're in an online forum wondering what to do.

Walk away from this guy and go find yourself a skilled therapist. You have some work to do on yourself so that you value yourself more.

The guy isn't the issue, he's just a symptom of what you really need to address.

Good luck.


OP, read this post again and again.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 10:15     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think your boyfriend was insensitive. Whether I'd leave him for that comment would depend on whether this was a pattern of insensitivity or a one-time thing, and whether BF seemed to "get it" when I called him out on his comment.

we're not an official Couple. That bothers me too, but I feel like he's not there yet or may never be. That's another story


I think you have just cause to stop seeing him. Trust your gut! He should be apologizing instead of making you think you're the one with a problem.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 10:05     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why were you too drunk to have sex? I don't understand.

If you had just met him I would get it, but I think it's totally fine to have drunk sex with boyfriends or husbands! IMO it's the best...

I had 3 drinks. So I was dizzy and out of it.


But ready to bang? What kind of woman does this?


It's her boyfriend. You don't have sex with your partner/spouse when you've had a couple of drinks?
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 10:02     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:No surprise why there are so many unmarried or divorced women. The hype on rape is overboard.


I feel like this thread was orchestrated by the bro trolls just to say this. ^^
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 10:00     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Interesting article on alcohol and human sexuality:
http://66.199.228.237/boundary/Sexual_Addiction/alcohol_and_human_sexuality.pdf

The physiological suppression (e.g. whiskey dick etc.) which inhibits sex is pharmacological. The disinhibition which encourages sex is only partly pharmacological. But there is also a good part of that effect which is a result of socially learned expectancies.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:47     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why were you too drunk to have sex? I don't understand.

If you had just met him I would get it, but I think it's totally fine to have drunk sex with boyfriends or husbands! IMO it's the best...

I had 3 drinks. So I was dizzy and out of it.


But ready to bang? What kind of woman does this?

possibly because alcohol is an aphrodisiac?
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:46     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why were you too drunk to have sex? I don't understand.

If you had just met him I would get it, but I think it's totally fine to have drunk sex with boyfriends or husbands! IMO it's the best...

I had 3 drinks. So I was dizzy and out of it.


But ready to bang? What kind of woman does this?
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:43     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:Why were you too drunk to have sex? I don't understand.

If you had just met him I would get it, but I think it's totally fine to have drunk sex with boyfriends or husbands! IMO it's the best...

I had 3 drinks. So I was dizzy and out of it.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:39     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:OP, you were raped before, and physically abused. You're sleeping with someone now but not in a committed relationship. You were so drunk that you were unable to have sex, but you were trying (with the guy you sleep with but can't call boyfriend). That guy made a joke about raping you, despite knowing your history. You're in an online forum wondering what to do.

Walk away from this guy and go find yourself a skilled therapist. You have some work to do on yourself so that you value yourself more.

The guy isn't the issue, he's just a symptom of what you really need to address.

Good luck.


I don't agree that everything PP lists is evidence of OP not valuing herself but I do agree with this. That you wouldn't DTMFA when he is clearly such a MF is worrisome.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:38     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Why were you too drunk to have sex? I don't understand.

If you had just met him I would get it, but I think it's totally fine to have drunk sex with boyfriends or husbands! IMO it's the best...
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:34     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
OP, you were raped before, and physically abused. You're sleeping with someone now but not in a committed relationship. You were so drunk that you were unable to have sex, but you were trying (with the guy you sleep with but can't call boyfriend). That guy made a joke about raping you, despite knowing your history. You're in an online forum wondering what to do.

Walk away from this guy and go find yourself a skilled therapist. You have some work to do on yourself so that you value yourself more.

The guy isn't the issue, he's just a symptom of what you really need to address.

Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:25     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In college, I had a g/f who wanted me to walk her somewhere in the dark so she didn't get raped. I told her that, statistically speaking, she was safer without me. Maybe that's why she dumped me.


That remark was creepy and threatening. I'd dump you, too.

Live and learn.


Yup. Totally didn't see it from that perspective. The idea of me raping anyone, let alone her, was so far-fetched to me, I saw it as funny because it was an outrageous way for me to ostensibly justify how lazy I was about not wanting to get off my ass and take a walk.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:23     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Unless there are other reasons you want to stop seeing him, I'd be inclined to put this down to a big blunder on his part, and to consider his follow up reaction as embarrassment with himself. I'd tell him it was hurtful and then try to get past it. BUT, if there are other things that worry you, I'd get out early.

People make mistakes (as you know from drinking too much!!).

Don't you know how to apologize when you're sorry??
Your advice is sick. You need help too.


Yes, I do know how to apologize. But I'm not OP's boyfriend, am I?

I also know how to forgive and how to not jump to conclusions based on one comment.

Thanks for the advice, but you can keep it to your judging-self.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2014 09:23     Subject: Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem
Anonymous wrote:No surprise why there are so many unmarried or divorced women. The hype on rape is overboard.

there's a difference when someone experiences something emotionally damaging. It's not hyped. It's serious.