Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid isn't the only kid in her care. You are self centered, and you've led your child to believe the world revolves around her. Until you and she realize that, any kind of care that isn't devoted completely to her needs and whims is going to be difficult. This provider decided it was too much for her, and I really can't fault her.

Agree

Wow, you guys are unstable. The baby is 9 months old, so, yes, the world does revolve around baby. As it should.

Lordy.

Not at daycare with other kids. If mom feels that her child should be the center of attention then she should hire a nanny or stay home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid isn't the only kid in her care. You are self centered, and you've led your child to believe the world revolves around her. Until you and she realize that, any kind of care that isn't devoted completely to her needs and whims is going to be difficult. This provider decided it was too much for her, and I really can't fault her.

Agree

Wow, you guys are unstable. The baby is 9 months old, so, yes, the world does revolve around baby. As it should.

Lordy.

OP here. Thanks a lot for the insightful replies. I was just trying to get perspective about the whole situation, being a first time mom trying out day care for the first time.

Just to clear a few points: Baby is a very social, outgoing baby and in fact that is why we thought of daycare (rather than nanny) so that she would have other kids to play with. She is also not a crier by nature - feed her, change her diaper, and stay within eye sight and she is cool. Till last month it didnt even matter which human being was within eye sight. Only in the last 4 weeks has she focused on wanting me around. And even then she just wants to see me, not be picked up. In fact I have to run after her to pick her up and feed her!

Wrt sleep training: we tried CIO and gave up as cries kept escalating even after 45 minutes. She was not exhausting herself to sleep but whipping herself into more of a frenzy. And that is also when we realized that its cool to watch on Super Nanny but CIO was definitely not something we cared for. We are in the process of implementing the no-cry sleep solution. I have been putting her down drowsy (after 10 minutes of rocking) but awake since February but we dont seem to have advanced to a stage where she sleeps by herself. Some of it could be because Baby and I have been traveling extensively the past few months. The upside is that she has visited several countries and many many cities and been held by and taken care off by many loving family and non-family peeps. And not a tear out of her.

I have no illusions that my kid is perfect -- sleep has been an issue pretty much since day one. She insisted on sleeping on my/hubby's chest the first two months. Absolutely INSISTED. Things got better in the third month and she slept in the co-sleeper. Then the 4th month regression hit and she pretty much stopped napping completely (night sleep was ok). Nap time got better in the 5th month then the 6 month regression hit and she stopped sleeping at night (i.e. was up every hour). Up until a month ago I had not slept for 3 hours at a stretch since she was born. By looking for a older, more experienced home day care provider I was really hoping that all three of us (hubby, DCP and I) would work together to gradually set things right now that she was napping and sleeping 4-5 hour stretches at night, albeit after rocking. And she is in teh middle of a wonder week right now too, poor kid.

What is galling to me about the situation is the brevity of effort on the part of DCP. I would have thought that someone with so much experience would know that it takes more than 5 days for babies to adjust. On the other hand you guys may be right that its better to be out of the bad situation asap. There were some red flags from day one that I tried to ignore -- DCP scolded me for a) letting Baby use pacifier, b) not having introduced enough variety of vegetables (most of which were not in season in the continent I was living in till 3 weeks ago), c) for not having introduced dairy (I want to wait since my brother is lactose intolerant....and I dont see the reason to hurry and potentially overwhelm Baby's digestive system anyway), d) wanting to feed her wheat cereal and not oatmeal, e) not wanting to place her in a walker (our doc said babies can get bow legs if placed in walkers for too long before their legs have the strength to walk), g) for sleeping with her in our room, h) for letting Baby play with my keys while I was talking with DCP etc etc. I took it in the spirit that it was well meaning advice given a little gruffly.

Cest la vie. I hope I can learn a lot from this interlude and better serve my kids needs.

PS: We do need the money from my job, and I do belong to a profession where any break = permanent break. I was lucky even to swing the 8 months and of those, 4 months were working remotely.

I think it is reasonable to tell you it isn't working out. If your baby is seriously miserable all day, crying, not getting sleep, and generally not getting her needs met, her situation is almost certainly disruptive to all the children in this provider's care. Crying can be contagious, too, or at the very least agitate other children.

If you baby hasn't adjusted after a full week of trying (5 days) I think it is fine to tell you that it isn't a good fit.

OP,

You may want to look into getting a nanny. Our oldest child was a pretty demanding baby. She did require a lot more rocking initially and would cry as a newborn whenever she wet her diaper. I was a bit worried when my maternity leave ended that she would be ignored at day care b/c of her demanding nature. We ended up getting a nanny before that happened only b/c we needed someone to help out part time (I had to exclusively pump and needed a few hours of help during the day so i could pump). Eventually, DD got into an established routine and didn't require rocking for naps.

Our second baby is very mellow and easy going. He automatically goes to sleep while drowsy at 11 weeks and I could see that he would have no issues w/ day care.

The only other thing though is that your child does sound on the older side so it may be that much harder to break these habits. If you can find a day care/home care provider who is willing to tough it out until DC gets used to day care, then maybe you should stick it out. By the time my child was about 15 months I could see the benefits of the socialization (hence she's starting PT preschool this fall at 2.5 and we're keeping the nanny since we now have 2 kids).

GL

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it has anything to do with the daycare provider not being able to handle your DD.
I will give it to you straight: your child is difficult and she doesn't want to deal with her. An 8 month-old should never have to be rocked for 10 minutes (likely longer for her) to go to sleep, especially when your daughter naps 2x per day.
As a childcare provider, I have found that the more high-needs a child (even that young), the more difficult the parents are. I would rather fill the spot with a baby who won't cling to me all day. Your baby needs a part-time nanny.
You need to work on this OP.

But as a daycare provider, don't you have your own nap routine that you do with the kids and don't you have a transition process? Even babies understand that things work differently with different people - baby may nurse to sleep with mom, but obviously not with dad, and baby learns a new way to sleep when at daycare.

My provider has a set routine for naps and in her experience, kids adjust within a week, but for the first week, she's in transition mode with the kid - new baby goes down first, more experienced kids go down next since there's no fuss, then DCP circles back to newbie to rinse and repeat the routine as many times as needed. OP's provider is odd for not having a transition process and I'm a little curious how you can be a daycare provider without having one either.

Anonymous wrote:Throwing in the towel after five days?

Be glad you're no longer working with this provider. This is a sign of incompetence or overwhelm on her part. She probably shouldn't be taking babies.

+1. Are you sure she's really a retired nurse? I can't believe that this situation is really that difficult for someone with that background. Smells fishy.

It's not necessarily normal for a provider to give up after 5 days - that's the minimum amount of time it takes for a baby to adjust, IME. She may have been less patient with your family because you're a part time client rather than full time. Please don't take the nanny comment to heart - that's what any DCP says when they don't want to accommodate you. I've had providers say that to me because we use cloth diapers - plenty of providers accept cloth, but those who don't try to convince me only a nanny would do that. Not really worth engaging when a DCP pulls that card on you, IMO.

I wouldn't question your parenting decisions just because the transition wasn't smooth after 1 week - we had a 15-20 minute nap routine with our daughter that no DCP would have been able to replicate, but after a week our DD adjusted to the DCP's nap routine. The fact that yours wouldn't give it another week just says that she didn't really need or want your business. Maybe some one else came along looking for fill a full time spot. I would just look for some one else - I'm sure the next one will be a better match.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be rocking the kid. Why did you let that habit develop?

That's right, you need to only interact with the kid every 3 hours.

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I am a first time mom and have been lucky enough to be with Baby full time for 8 months. Now I am consulting part time from home and since it is *impossible* to get any work done with Baby at home we looked hard for good part time child care. It seemed like we lucked out in finding a great in-home day care run by an older couple (retd. pediatric nurse AND vegetarian, no less). We started Baby out 3 days a week and for around 5 hours a day (though I am paying her for 8 hours each day).

Well today was the 5th day that my daughter was over there and today the day care provider told me that my 8 month old was too clingy, that she cried too much, and that I need to find a full time nanny for her.

Fact: We have not sleep trained (intentionally) and Baby needs 10 mins of rocking to sleep. We had thought we would work with the care provider to slowly ween her off this habit. I had disclosed it to the provider as well when we met her initially.

Fact: Baby is DEEP into separation anxiety phase. One month ago she didnt care if I even existed as long as she got fed. This month I/hubby need to be in view at all times. If I could have put her in day care earlier I would have and maybe that would have eased her anxiety at being away from me now. But the opportunity to spend time with her was too good to pass up. I made sure that she spent time (like 10-12 hours at a stretch) with grandma, grandpa, uncle, family friends etc so that she was used to people other than hubby and I.

Question: What just happened? Is it normal for 8 month olds to get kicked out of day care because they cry for mommy.....on the 5th day they are away from her? Or is it a case of just insanely bad parenting on our part so that our infant can not instantly adapt to any and all people and situations?!

You say above, that you thought you would work with the care provider to wean her off this habit?
Wow, YOU created this problem and you wanted the provider to fix your mess, no wonder your kid was kicked out.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid isn't the only kid in her care. You are self centered, and you've led your child to believe the world revolves around her. Until you and she realize that, any kind of care that isn't devoted completely to her needs and whims is going to be difficult. This provider decided it was too much for her, and I really can't fault her.

Agree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Canada mat leave is 12. Onthe. Babies transition all the time to daycare. It takes at least two weeks.

Can you please translate this into English?

Not the previous poster but I'm Canadian. Maternity leave is one yr.
so it's common for most kids to start daycare at that age.

Anonymous wrote:In Canada mat leave is 12. Onthe. Babies transition all the time to daycare. It takes at least two weeks.

Can you please translate this into English?

In Canada mat leave is 12. Onthe. Babies transition all the time to daycare. It takes at least two weeks.

It sounds like you have a high needs baby, not to be confused with special needs!

we had one too and transitioned him from nanny to daycare at 9 mos.

hes now 2.5 and with the same provider.

we also have a 6 mo old whos way more easy going and hes also with the same provider.

The provider recently told us that she came vedy close to "kicking" out dc1 due to the same antics, the rockig and clingyness. I was shocked when she said his but then I thought back on dc1s behavior and it was atrocious. Im just so gratfeul that the provider stuckmit out and didn't kick us to the curm because we would havs been screwed.