Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 21:03     Subject: Re:Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.


Whuuuuuut? NP here, and, no, I don't think this at all. Matrilineal naming is not at all "trashy". It's not 1960. Women can pass along their names to their children if they choose to do so, without any presumption of promiscuity.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 20:59     Subject: Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:As long as the last name you gave your child is your maiden name and not from another marriage, keep it.


Here is what OP said: "We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name." I don't see anything in there about a "maiden name". What I see is that OP's last name is OP's last name.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 20:59     Subject: Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:I am also a single mom. I unfortunately allowed the baby to be given the father's last name at birth. Father eventually moved on with his life, and while I adore my daughter and love the love we've built, always regretted her last name. When she was ten she asked if we could change it. It took a lawyer, a couple of hearings and lots of trouble - but she now has my last name. I didn't realize until the paperwork came through how much it meant to me that my child has my last name. I have raised her, I love her more than I could every have imagined, we are family.

All I mean to say is that you're super smart to have given your child your last name, and I think that you 100% should keep it that way. You sound far more invested and engaged as a parent, and you and your child should keep that tie forever.[/quote]

+1. My DD has my ex's last name too and I really wish she had mine.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 20:57     Subject: Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:OP here again. It is so nice to be validated by people with no skin in the game. He is the last in his family line but that still doesn't affect me. And yes, he pays support but that's his legal obligation. I do every single thing with zero help. I'm not complaining but his reasoning holds very little water when he takes a week off of work to relax & ride his bike and our baby is still in day care all week (drop off & pick up by me).


Except for his son, of course. But he seems to think his son isn't his son unless his son has his last name. My children don't have my last name; excuse me while I go tell them they're not my children after all.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 20:28     Subject: Change baby's last name?
As long as the last name you gave your child is your maiden name and not from another marriage, keep it.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 19:38     Subject: Change baby's last name?
FWIW, I think this "passing on my family name" stuff is complete bullshit. Family is family - who gives a shit about this paternalistic nonsense anymore?

My crazy grandma went on and on about having a "true (lastname)" grandchild. Because the 5 beautiful great-granddaughters she got before the first boy didn't count?

Screw that. I was hoping we'd have the first boy just so I could fuck with her...damn secondary infertility thwarted my plan, though ;P
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 19:31     Subject: Re:Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:The child already has his father's last name...as a middle name. Does the father not have any other siblings to pass on the last name? Is that what he is going on about? Oh well. That is something that he doesn't have control over. I gave my son the name of his father (I am not married to his dad) and my SIL got all bitchy about it b/c she said she felt pressured to produce a boy to carry on my our family name. Sorry honey. She did end up having a boy but don't let other people make your choices for you. You've made your choice. End of story. If he isn't really doing any of the parenting, why should this be his choice?


Your SIL is stupid. Men determine the gender, not women.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 19:28     Subject: Re:Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.


How would you know it was her maiden name unless she told you? Would changing the name to this idiot father's make any sense?

Op, keep the name.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 18:29     Subject: Change baby's last name?
OP, seriously, this guy is a toolbox. He cares nothing about having a child, just wants to spread his seed to pass on his name. Screw that.

He doesn't deserve the title father if he's not willing to put in the work to be one

Why do you even bother? Move on and find a better partner and leave this ass in the dust. Then change the child's name to decent guy's last name...that would serve him right.

Sounds like this guy will probably go on to knock up multiple other women anyway. Surely one of those twits will happily give the kid his name.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 18:17     Subject: Re:Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.


Mom's "maiden" name? OP's last name is OP's *LAST NAME*. Just as my last name is my last name, different from my husband's. I don't have a "maiden name," just a name.

Women don't need their husband's last name, nor do children need their father's last name in order to be legitimate.

It is trashy to classify people in these ways, that much is true.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 18:14     Subject: Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:My 10 month old son's father and I are really at the end of our rope in an argument. We have been on and off for 5 years and during an on period, I got pregnant. We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name. Dad and I are off but very friendly but he is lobbying hard to have me change our son's last name to his. Son has dad's last name as his middle name. Son lives with me and dad is here to visit but does not provide care. He pays support.

His argument is tradition, but I find that to be weak considering nothing is traditional about our arrangement. He has said that if I do not change it I am forcing him to start a new family so he can have a child with his name. I feel strongly that I want to keep it. Thoughts?


1. Tradition is not a reason to change the name.
2. "Force him" to start a new family? If he thinks that this is a reason to do that, he is unstable, and will presumably be out of the picture at some point fairly soon anyway.

Keep the name as-is.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 18:14     Subject: Change baby's last name?
OP here again. It is so nice to be validated by people with no skin in the game. He is the last in his family line but that still doesn't affect me. And yes, he pays support but that's his legal obligation. I do every single thing with zero help. I'm not complaining but his reasoning holds very little water when he takes a week off of work to relax & ride his bike and our baby is still in day care all week (drop off & pick up by me).
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 18:11     Subject: Change baby's last name?
Anonymous wrote:Get him a puppy. He can name it whatever he wants.


Haha

You're awesome
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 18:02     Subject: Change baby's last name?
Get him a puppy. He can name it whatever he wants.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2014 17:52     Subject: Change baby's last name?
So, there are people who think it is perfectly logical for this man to say "change his last name or I'll go knock up some other chick just for the sake of having a spawn to pass on my name to"?

I don't want to live in your world...