Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 10:41     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Right, how many sock-puppets are there on this thread???

Not that I wish to diminish in any way the suffering and trauma of sex abuse victims, but there ARE other possibilities!

Sociopaths and narcissists are excellent at targeting their victims and being charming to practically everyone else.
So OP's husband doesn't actually need to have done anything wrong in order for a situation like this to evolve.

My mother has acted horribly towards me, DH and my father, but kow-tows to all her sisters, brothers and the rest of her family. She was bullied and neglected to some extent my her family growing up, and this contributes to how she treats us. Perhaps your SIL is like this as well, OP.

Anyway, this does not excuse her outburst. You have to limit contact, and try to get together with the others without her. When asked why, just say you think she is unstable and you prefer that your kids not be around her. No other explanation is necessary.


Lots of other possibilities.

DH's older brother hates DH's guts. DH did not sexually abuse his older brother.

It has a lot to do with jealously and sibling rivalry. An unmarried sister who is staying home to care for the parents that OP's husband isn't caring for has plenty to resent. I wonder how OP's husband was able to leave home, but the sister had to stay. I wonder how much favoritism the parents show towards the husband, even though the sister is the one who takes care of them.

Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 10:33     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
My sister hates me. I'm 10 years younger and idolized her. But when I grew up and had my own ideas and opinions, she started being mean. I won't go into all the drama, but there was no abuse, she just flipped. She's like this towards a couple other people, but perfectly nice to everyone else.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 10:16     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
When I first read this, I also thought abuse but did not want to mention it. It could also be that he messed up a relationship for her. Whether real or imagined, she blames him for something. Why dont you just ask her in a calm manner?

If you do not want to know, then I suspect you know the real reason and do not want to come to terms w it.

She behaved badly, no doubt, but it seems there is more going on here than SIL being a B*tch.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 09:38     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Maybe she's jealous?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 09:26     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Even if the husband didn't abuse the sister (sounds like she is older than him, so while it's possible, it seems less likely) SOMETHING happened, and SOMEONE knows. I find it hard to believe that your husband has absolutely no idea why his sister hates him.

That said, I would not have my kids around someone like that. See his other family members in other ways, but skip anything with the sister. If asked why, be calm but clear--she ignores you and screams insults at you in front of your child. You yourself do not know why there is such hostility between your husband and his sister, but you don't want your child exposed to it. Do not engage, do not argue. You think "traditions" are important, but that's not what your kid is going to remember.

Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 09:03     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
I have a friend whose brother molested her when they were young and let his friends in on it. Needless to say they aren't close, but occasionally need to be in each other's presence. Relationship is cold, but others would not know why. Whole family is dysfunctional.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 08:26     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
OP, have you ever come out and asked her why she seems to dislike you and DH? Has DH ever asked the other sister?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 01:58     Subject: Re:My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did your DH sexually assualt his sister when they were younger? It happens more often than you would think.


This is what I am thinking.


I wondered that too.

Meanwhile I would keep your kids away from her.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2014 01:55     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Or maybe SHE tried to abuse HIM...
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2014 23:45     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Right, how many sock-puppets are there on this thread???

Not that I wish to diminish in any way the suffering and trauma of sex abuse victims, but there ARE other possibilities!

Sociopaths and narcissists are excellent at targeting their victims and being charming to practically everyone else.
So OP's husband doesn't actually need to have done anything wrong in order for a situation like this to evolve.

My mother has acted horribly towards me, DH and my father, but kow-tows to all her sisters, brothers and the rest of her family. She was bullied and neglected to some extent my her family growing up, and this contributes to how she treats us. Perhaps your SIL is like this as well, OP.

Anyway, this does not excuse her outburst. You have to limit contact, and try to get together with the others without her. When asked why, just say you think she is unstable and you prefer that your kids not be around her. No other explanation is necessary.

Exactly, this shit can happen and not because someone " did" something
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2014 23:43     Subject: Re:My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did your DH sexually assualt his sister when they were younger? It happens more often than you would think.


This is what I am thinking.


I hate to say it, but this is what came to my mind right away, too. You need to find out what's behind this hostility.



You can add me to this list. Exactly what I thought when I read that. Happened to a friend of mine--her eldest brother. It's sadly more common than people think.

In OP's DH's defense, this dynamic exists in my family only it is a brother hating a sister... They are darn near 70 and this has been going on since childhood
No one knows why and parents constantly defend the offending sibling....It is sick
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2014 23:20     Subject: My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Anonymous wrote:Wow. NP here and I too thought that maybe he sexually abused her.


NP and I also thought this.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2014 22:59     Subject: Re:My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Sexual abuse exists of course, but from PPs responses it seems like every other person has been abused by a sibling. I refuse to believe this is true.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2014 22:59     Subject: Re:My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
It sounds like DH may be the youngest sibling, since he has young children and the difficult sister is "pushing 50". Is sexual abuse likely in that scenario? Maybe she is jealous of him.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2014 22:40     Subject: Re:My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old
Can't you ask another relative what is going on? It sounds to me like she has substance abuse issues.