Anonymous wrote:Just said a silent prayer thanking my lucky stars that I am married to a woman like my wife.

Not in a million years would she even consider ending our marriage for the reasons you cited. But then, there is no way that I would consider ending my marriage for those reasons.

The difference, OP, is that when we married it was for keeps. There are ups and downs in our relationship but in the ultimate analysis we are committed to each other.

Newsflash..things change, people change into the person they were meant to! Sometimes especially when they marry young, this happens often. You dont' think verbal abuse is grounds to want to leave a spouse? Seriously?

Anonymous wrote:Just said a silent prayer thanking my lucky stars that I am married to a woman like my wife.

Not in a million years would she even consider ending our marriage for the reasons you cited. But then, there is no way that I would consider ending my marriage for those reasons.

The difference, OP, is that when we married it was for keeps. There are ups and downs in our relationship but in the ultimate analysis we are committed to each other.

That's wonderful. You are a wonderful person. Bask in your superiority with your wife. I, sadly, am a less wonderful person and I am trying to navigate my way. It's the downside of imperfection.

Counseling? Marriage and kids are HARD. It takes work to remain vulnerable and open to your partner. You will have to have the courage to tell the truth to him and he will have to want you to stay. Good luck! I have been exactly where you are (posting about it on DCUM even).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a good father, he is strong, he is smart and he is loyal. However, he is incapable of being vulnerable. He is unkind. He is socially inept which means that we have a very hard time developing "couple friends". I feel like I am just done. I don't need this shit. I don't need someone who is unsupportive of me. I do not need someone who makes me feel as though anything I genuinely like is stupid. I am attractive, under 40, I am a lawyer (so I do not need to him to survive financially). I just don't need this shit. Honestly. I can do better - and I don't even think I want anyone right now. I dream of being free of him. We have a daughter and I would hate to break up her home, but I feel like I am just done. She will adjust. Perhaps I feel differently tomorrow, but as of this evening, fuck this shit.

Just another example of someone marrying to check the box. You make me sick.

Absolutely! She is now bored and wants out for some entirely superfluous reasons.

You are so right. It is much better to remain married to a mean man (or woman). Bonus points if they are always unsupportive of you and actively seek to make you feel stupid.

Just said a silent prayer thanking my lucky stars that I am married to a woman like my wife.

Not in a million years would she even consider ending our marriage for the reasons you cited. But then, there is no way that I would consider ending my marriage for those reasons.

The difference, OP, is that when we married it was for keeps. There are ups and downs in our relationship but in the ultimate analysis we are committed to each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very mercurial, disloyal, and self-absorbed.

I think if I were married to you, I'd develop a tough exterior to deal with you, too. I bet you don't even realize how much you hurt him on a regular basis, but the fact that you would jump to divorce because you feel entitled to some fictional perfect spouse and the fact that you mention how you don't need him? I am sure he knows that's how you feel and I am sure it hurts him deeply and makes him not want to be vulnerable to you.

When I say I don't "need" him, I mean that I feel like a confident, self-sufficient human being on my own. I do not need a husband. Very honestly, I prefer a husband who doesn't "need" me either. If you need another person to make you whole, I don't think that's particularly healthy. But sure, maybe I am to blame for the way I am treated, to some extent. That's probably accurate.

Ever heard of the term "inter-dependence"?

Anonymous wrote:You sound very mercurial, disloyal, and self-absorbed.

I think if I were married to you, I'd develop a tough exterior to deal with you, too. I bet you don't even realize how much you hurt him on a regular basis, but the fact that you would jump to divorce because you feel entitled to some fictional perfect spouse and the fact that you mention how you don't need him? I am sure he knows that's how you feel and I am sure it hurts him deeply and makes him not want to be vulnerable to you.

When I say I don't "need" him, I mean that I feel like a confident, self-sufficient human being on my own. I do not need a husband. Very honestly, I prefer a husband who doesn't "need" me either. If you need another person to make you whole, I don't think that's particularly healthy. But sure, maybe I am to blame for the way I am treated, to some extent. That's probably accurate.

Anonymous wrote:Congrats OP! Nice bit of trolling.

Oh man, I wish I was a troll. That should tell me something about my topic huh? Oh well. Sorry!

You sound very mercurial, disloyal, and self-absorbed.

I think if I were married to you, I'd develop a tough exterior to deal with you, too. I bet you don't even realize how much you hurt him on a regular basis, but the fact that you would jump to divorce because you feel entitled to some fictional perfect spouse and the fact that you mention how you don't need him? I am sure he knows that's how you feel and I am sure it hurts him deeply and makes him not want to be vulnerable to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. Maybe I am being selfish. I am okay with that. I think personal happiness and satisfaction are things we are entitled to be selfish about. No one marries a perfect person (my husband included). But, there is a time when you believe you can deal with other person's faults (and they with yours) and still have the happy times outweigh the non-happy times. But, things can change. I knew that going in. So did he, I am sure. Today the scales are tipped in favor of ending it. Who knows what tomorrow holds?

Who cares if he's incapable of being vulnerable?

me?

1) What does that even mean? Are you a 20 something dating?

2) What do you accomplish from it?

A lack of vulnerabilty is the best way I can describe the attitude. It is a complete and total lack of wanting or needing any support from me. I can say, "wow, this dinner is great. thank you!" and the response is, "you're damn right it's good!" I find it so hard to cite specific instances - it's hard to do when the reason you're unhappy is not because you've been beaten or cheated on. I am not particularly high maintenance. but, I need to be needed. that's me. In response to a compliment, I need to hear, "thank you. I apprecaiate that" just once every so often. It's just the general everyday kindness - there is none. It's a plethora of snide bullshit. It wears one down.

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Wow i really hope this is a joke. Seriously? You sound as shallow as they come. Does the woman you married INSIDE still exist? The woman you fell in love with, hopefully for more than her body???? Obviously not. Man, she will be lucky to be rid of someone who thinks like you. Sad.

Hi I think you might be surprised to know how much company you have! Me included. I have decided to stay for now, until my kids are a little older. I too am a professional, can more than support myself though he brings in $$$$ it is not worth the verbal abuse, major mood swings and all around "dumbing down" that I encounter almost on a daily basis. I question why I have tolerated it for so long.

A few friends have put their money where their mouth is and acted on their feelings and for the most part all are so happy they did and regret not doing it sooner. I don't think a divorce is ever easy but I do think its easiER that it has ever been for a single woman (or man) to get out and start a new life once again after divorce.

If you are genuinely unhappy and this is not a single incident that made you fly off the handle but has been building up over time then maybe its time to speak to an attorney to see where you stand.

My brother incidentally is a high profile divorce attorney in another state but always tells me that all kids will benefit from a single home that is filled with and peace than a home with two parents filled with tension and loathing. So I am inching closer to it myself as I know I will provide a loving, nurturing, calm non toxic environment for them.

The dynamics sound all too familiar..wish you luck.

Congrats OP! Nice bit of trolling.

OP, don't bother with the sock puppet.

People grow and change. You made a decision to marry him based on the information you had at the time, both about him and yourself. If he is not willing to go to counseling and work on the marriage together with you, then why stay in a loveless marriage? If this were your daughter coming to you with the same issue, what advice would you give her?

I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.