Golf

Anonymous wrote:
I guess I just want to hear from other lawyers who felt similarly out of place in the party atmosphere and extrovert-centric world of our profession. Did you have a smaller circle of law school friends? Did it ultimately hinder or not affect your professional and social life? How do people like us succeed?

NP here. A veteran of four BigLaw firms, plus two short government stints before that. I've been a mid level-senior associate, a partner, and now of counsel on reduced hours. OP, let's focus on your professional life. First and foremost, focus on your work. You have an unparalleled opportunity to learn right now, and to transform yourself from one of the pack of juniors into someone that your current clients -- the partners and senior attorneys who call upon you -- can depend on to produce high quality work without drama. Don't underestimate for one second the importance of this. Ask good questions, go the extra mile to identify issues, challenge yourself to become a problem solver, and pretty soon you will become popular in the ways you need to be to succeed.

Now, let's talk about the "bro" stuff. You have to be able to have some social conversation, it's true. But I said "some." That's all. Don't shun firm outings but don't think you have to close the place down, either. Grab a sandwich with your peers. Smile. Be genuine with the non-legal staff. Keep in touch with the small circle of people you knew in law school, and open yourself up to expansions of those circles and the networks that flow from them. And if this law firm's culture is truly as obnoxious as you portray, then move on. Really.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After I take the bar on July 29th-30th (New York), I'm going to start shopping for apartment rentals in New York City. Got a Biglaw offer there. I am a clueless introvert, and I want to start structuring my social life productively. Everyone I socialize with must be a potential connection to a possible client. Apart from bar committees and expensive golf club memberships, what can I do in New York City to get into a social circle of high-net-worth individuals, businessmen, bankers, etc?

I was thinking of starting with any high school/college/law school friends I have in the city, but I was wondering how to socialize beyond that too. I am aware of Meetup.com and plan to utilize it too.

Any tips or advice would be helpful. I am really not good at this "game".

become a high-end escort by night.

That is so sad to me. For me, that seems like such an empty way to live
Not saying your way is wrong or worse. That might be the way that you get your joy in life, with that level of work and professional success- but I am just so opposite that. I hope that you are able to at least make a little time for your life away from work. Just like someone who is free-wheeling should make at least a little time to be a productive member of society!

Anonymous wrote:1. Put a bowl of candy on your desk.
2. Put a book-for-pleasure on your desk.
3. Get together with people on your terms. One on one, for lunch, for coffees, etc.
4. Get on a board. Then everyone associated with the board will come to you with all their legal issues.
5. Be aware of the power of facetime. Not the "telephones of the future" but showing your face at strategic places.

People will come to get candy, and the readers of your firm will find you. I am a legal secretary who reads every day on my lunch hour and I know every single other person at my firm who likes to read. Speaking of me, do not discount the non-attorneys. Many times I have gotten a call for my lawyer (partner) asking for their legal advice to only have my partner say he needs to refer it out, and will often take my suggestion to refer to "Jake, that quiet guy who has candy on his desk."

If partners or senior associates you need to bond with are going out to happy hour, every so often suck up your delicate feelings and just go, have ONE drink (even non-alcoholic is fine) and schmooze for an hour before saying you need to go walk your dog/meet your date/meet your parents for dinner/whatever.

I found this VERY helpful, thank you! NP here. As a female lawyer, I find it even harder to make connections. I'm relatively quiet (though not shy) and very feminine, and I feel like a lot of bonding at the highest levels is very masculine-oriented. For me, it's harder to try and form connections with potential male clients especially, because I don't want them to get the wrong idea/wrong impression of me.

1. Put a bowl of candy on your desk.
2. Put a book-for-pleasure on your desk.
3. Get together with people on your terms. One on one, for lunch, for coffees, etc.
4. Get on a board. Then everyone associated with the board will come to you with all their legal issues.
5. Be aware of the power of facetime. Not the "telephones of the future" but showing your face at strategic places.

People will come to get candy, and the readers of your firm will find you. I am a legal secretary who reads every day on my lunch hour and I know every single other person at my firm who likes to read. Speaking of me, do not discount the non-attorneys. Many times I have gotten a call for my lawyer (partner) asking for their legal advice to only have my partner say he needs to refer it out, and will often take my suggestion to refer to "Jake, that quiet guy who has candy on his desk."

If partners or senior associates you need to bond with are going out to happy hour, every so often suck up your delicate feelings and just go, have ONE drink (even non-alcoholic is fine) and schmooze for an hour before saying you need to go walk your dog/meet your date/meet your parents for dinner/whatever.

Make friends with people in the tech field. Tech is HUGE right now - it's a bubble honestly - and tech entrepreneurs are not only client-material, but also geeky and introverted.

Anonymous wrote:most big firms have a few aspie types/people who just don't "bro down" and get into that culture. they typically are brilliant researchers/writers (on the litigation side at least) and can make partner. i have a feeling the days of that are numbered, though, because it's becoming 100% about what kind of business you bring in.

i am pretty introverted and work at a big firm (office with about 25 lawyers, though, so my particular office isn't huge). i am fairly introverted and kind of "quirky." i was quiet and antisocial for the first year or so i was here, but i get along great with everyone now. for some people, it just takes some time.

agree, those days are very numbered. we're all 10 years too late.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to hijack OP's thread, but I'm an introverted law student (rising 2L) and I would also like to know how introverts like us can network in this profession. I have 1 good friend in law school, and that's it. Everyone else gives me the cold shoulder and makes it hard for me to make friends. It doesn't help that I hate going to big parties, and that's how they all mingle with each other.

It's like high school. I feel like I'm "not cool".

overcome your introvertedness with your eliteness - clerk with a top judge, go into academia, etc.

that's not really going to cut it. too many people here with those credentials.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, that is sad. Choose people to hang out with whose company you enjoy, get to know NY, and build a happy life outside of work.

16:17 here. Some of us are behind the curve when it comes to social networking. I always thought my friendly-but-introverted personality was fine as long as I got good grades and worked hard. But I've started to learn that Biglawyering is all about social connections and bringing in clients, and this thread confirms it. People like me, who usually only ever hang out with one or two friends at a time and don't know a ton of people, have to catch up. I don't have the luxury of just hanging out with people I like after work.

It's a decent shtick, I think you could work it over on ATL.

Anonymous wrote:After I take the bar on July 29th-30th (New York), I'm going to start shopping for apartment rentals in New York City. Got a Biglaw offer there. I am a clueless introvert, and I want to start structuring my social life productively. Everyone I socialize with must be a potential connection to a possible client. Apart from bar committees and expensive golf club memberships, what can I do in New York City to get into a social circle of high-net-worth individuals, businessmen, bankers, etc?

I was thinking of starting with any high school/college/law school friends I have in the city, but I was wondering how to socialize beyond that too. I am aware of Meetup.com and plan to utilize it too.

Any tips or advice would be helpful. I am really not good at this "game".

become a high-end escort by night.