ok

I can't remember how old ds was when he stopped wanting to be tucked in. He's 13 now, and we get a " 'night.." as he heads off to bed. He doesn't like hugs etc. I would still like a hug but it's off the table for now.

He was probably 10 when he said he didn't need to be tucked in anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you read to your kids??? I'm flabbergasted at this.

My 6 yr old reads to himself before going to bed. Once the kid can read, why do you have to read to them?

Hearing an adult read out loud teaches a child so much -- proper inflection, word emphasis and pronunciation, as well as more thoughtful interpretation of texts that a six year old could technically read by himself.

This is incredibly valuable to children long after they can read on their own. I've often seen suggestions that parents (and teachers) read out loud to children all the way through the teen years.

Again, there is much more to reading than just technically reading the words on the page. It's also about comprehension, interpretation and analysis -- not to mention synthesizing the text and drawing connections to other books and knowledge from other sources. And using it as a launching point for questions and curiosity about all sorts of related (and unrelated) topics. Having an adult on hand to talk with about these things once a day is priceless.

Plus, we've found it's also a great way to share a quiet experience with our child on a daily basis. DC can (and does) read fluently for hours if given the time. But relaxing and hearing us read out load is still a wonderful pre-bedtime ritual in our house. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:Sh*t, I'm doing it all wrong. My 6 year old does not take her own baths, wash her own hair or put herself to bed. WTF.......how do I stop this runaway train?

You gotta know your kid. Is she one of those people who needs mental preparation, or one of those people who wants to plunge in? My girl needs time to mentally prepare. I announced to her one afternoon that that night she was going to take a shower. She cried as we walked half a mile to the train. Then we got home, I hauled her into the bathroom, told her to strip and while she did I explained how to get the right water temp and how to test it. Then I turned the water off and had her do it. Then I gave her an "emergency washcloth" on the side of the tub as far away from the water as possible, and told her to call me when she thought she'd finished washing her hair. Confirmed she could read "shampoo" on the shampoo bottle and "conditioner" on the conditioner bottle. When she called me back, I looked at her head and tapped the places she didn't get shampoo out. Then talked her through how to use conditioner, and rinse it out.

She had a GREAT time taking her shower, and now almost always takes them instead of a bath. She also makes her own lunches for school and her own breakfast during the school week.

Anonymous wrote:Sh*t, I'm doing it all wrong. My 6 year old does not take her own baths, wash her own hair or put herself to bed. WTF.......how do I stop this runaway train?

Teach her how. My kids have all done their own showers/baths since they were 5-6. They get ready for bed on their own, dressed for the day on their own. These are all just teachable skills. You just need to spend some time teaching, and have the patience to let her do it herself with your guidance, giving less and less guidance until she is doing it on her own.

Anonymous wrote:This is such a sad thread. I don't know why DCUM posters are so eager to see their kids grow up fast. When can I sleep train my child so they don't need me at night? When can my kid get themselves up in the morning so I don't have to bother? When can my kid put himself to bed so I don't have to be bothered. When can my kid do X, Y, or Z by themselves so I don't have to?

Having kids is a choice. You don't have to do it. But once you do, you should actually want to spend time with your children.

My kids are 7 and 4. We spend at least 30-45 minutes reading, cuddling, and talking about our day after turning the lights out. I hope they are willing to continue this routine for a long, long time.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am all for kids getting themselves READY for bed by themselves as soon as they can. That is great for self help skills and independence. However PUTTING themselves to bed is absolutely sad. Parents should be with their kids when they climb into bed, do their bedtime ritual, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every single night of their life. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and trust me - if your child dies and you didn't say Good Night and kissed them the night before you will regret this for the rest of your life. Tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep. It doesn't matter, how old they are.

Dramatic much? Maybe they do this during the day -- maybe they tell each other I love you everytime they leave the house? Maybe they things differently than you do and it means just as much and has just as much emotional and psychological value to THEM?
Get off our high horse

Tell me that again if something happens to your kids and you feel the regret

You are a sicko! A true nutcase sicko!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am all for kids getting themselves READY for bed by themselves as soon as they can. That is great for self help skills and independence. However PUTTING themselves to bed is absolutely sad. Parents should be with their kids when they climb into bed, do their bedtime ritual, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every single night of their life. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and trust me - if your child dies and you didn't say Good Night and kissed them the night before you will regret this for the rest of your life. Tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep. It doesn't matter, how old they are.

Dramatic much? Maybe they do this during the day -- maybe they tell each other I love you everytime they leave the house? Maybe they things differently than you do and it means just as much and has just as much emotional and psychological value to THEM?
Get off our high horse

Tell me that again if something happens to your kids and you feel the regret

Sh*t, I'm doing it all wrong. My 6 year old does not take her own baths, wash her own hair or put herself to bed. WTF.......how do I stop this runaway train?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 6 and 8 and after they clear the dinner dishes, they go upstairs, shower/shampoo, brush teeth and and get in bed, then call us up to read a story and tuck them in. I don;t always feel like reading but the fact that they now do everything else is pretty nice and the story takes 10 minutes tops. It's a nice time of day for us.

How does your six year old get all the shampoo out of her hair? I'm envious - my DD is 7.5 and she just can't do it well yet (her hair is long, thick and curly).
Even my 9 year old asks for my help adjusting the knobs to the proper temperature.
Maybe I'm babying them.

I ... taught her how. My DD has similar hair to yours and I stood there and practiced with her - helped her feel her hair to feel how it should feel when all the shampoo is out, where on her head she usually misses, all that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still read to my eleven-yeard-old for a half hour or so every night once she is in bed. She insists on it. Then she reads for an hour or so by herself before she falls asleep.

THIS. The kid who has a parent read aloud for 30 minutes a day AND then reads to themselves will have excellent reading/verbal skills. Most of the very best readers (which often correlates with being a good writer as well) come from homes where they were read aloud to for extended periods, starting very young and continuing through elementary school.

If you value reading aloud, your kid will learn to value reading. If you do the minimum when it comes to reading aloud, you are showing your kid that reading is not a priority.

Exactly this -- because you know there is only one way to do things and one way to learn!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 6 and 8 and after they clear the dinner dishes, they go upstairs, shower/shampoo, brush teeth and and get in bed, then call us up to read a story and tuck them in. I don;t always feel like reading but the fact that they now do everything else is pretty nice and the story takes 10 minutes tops. It's a nice time of day for us.

How does your six year old get all the shampoo out of her hair? I'm envious - my DD is 7.5 and she just can't do it well yet (her hair is long, thick and curly).
Even my 9 year old asks for my help adjusting the knobs to the proper temperature.
Maybe I'm babying them.

PP again - my kids do PJs and brush teeth independently, but I do still tuck both in with a kids goodnight. We don't read before bed anymore now that they're older...they read all the time on their own (9 year old has no desire for me to read to him and 7.5 year old still likes it occasionally).

Anonymous wrote:I am all for kids getting themselves READY for bed by themselves as soon as they can. That is great for self help skills and independence. However PUTTING themselves to bed is absolutely sad. Parents should be with their kids when they climb into bed, do their bedtime ritual, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every single night of their life. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and trust me - if your child dies and you didn't say Good Night and kissed them the night before you will regret this for the rest of your life. Tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep. It doesn't matter, how old they are.

Dramatic much? Maybe they do this during the day -- maybe they tell each other I love you everytime they leave the house? Maybe they things differently than you do and it means just as much and has just as much emotional and psychological value to THEM?
Get off our high horse

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 6 and 8 and after they clear the dinner dishes, they go upstairs, shower/shampoo, brush teeth and and get in bed, then call us up to read a story and tuck them in. I don;t always feel like reading but the fact that they now do everything else is pretty nice and the story takes 10 minutes tops. It's a nice time of day for us.

How does your six year old get all the shampoo out of her hair? I'm envious - my DD is 7.5 and she just can't do it well yet (her hair is long, thick and curly).
Even my 9 year old asks for my help adjusting the knobs to the proper temperature.
Maybe I'm babying them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you read to your kids??? I'm flabbergasted at this.

My 6 yr old reads to himself before going to bed. Once the kid can read, why do you have to read to them?

Read to thru HS better on verbal SATs than read to aloud thru MS. Read to aloud thru MS better on verbal SATs than read to aloud thru elementary school.