Anonymous
Post 06/14/2014 12:25     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
NP here, and I totally get it. My MIL chain smokes and she reeks. I can smell her for literally days after she leaves the house. When we'd go to her house, we'd have to immediately strip off all our chores, soak them in vinegar, and shower. It's not at all the same smell as someone who smokes even a pack a day. A chain smoker's smell is deep in their skin and hair, way beyond washings. They can't smell it.

I have permanently damages my relationship with my MIL because her simply offering to smoke outside, or not smoke at all during a visit, was not enough for me to be comfortable with her holding our baby, who was a preemie. She wanted to come over every day during my maternity leave to hold him while I pumped milk, and I just couldn't do it...you can smell her from three rooms away and the thought of all those toxins being breathed into those tiny delicate lungs...I couldn't do it. To keep the peace, I did of course let her hold him here and there for 5-10 minutes at a time, but I'd pretty quickly come up with a reason to take him back.

In our experience, I'm sorry to say, wearing a fresh shirt or a cloth hospital gown didn't make much difference. The baby himself would reek, even with just a diaper on, after being held. In retrospect, I probably would not have pushed for the fresh shirt because it didn't help much but it embarrassed her.

I survived growing up with 2 smokers but I now have asthma and bad allergies. I am not this neurotic about the baby among more casual smokers, like my SIL, but a chain smoker is another level entirely. I completely understand your concern. I'm sorry that the outcome for me has been that my MIL seriously dislikes me. I'm not sure I would go back at my baby's expense and change much more than the shirt thing though.

If I were you, I would definitely insist on a hotel.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2014 10:20     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
[Opquote=Anonymous]If she is smoking outside, why does the inside of your house smell after the visit? Does she smoke in front of open windows? Are you neurotic?

I hate smoke, too, but I don't get the big deal about people smoking outside and changing/washing up. That is perfectly fine for your situation.



Not OP, but the smell of smoke aggravates my mild asthma, so I would never have a smoker stay w me. Smoke clings to you and its nasty.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2014 09:52     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would relax and have them stay. Plenty of us grew up in houses where people smoked and turned out OK. While it is not ideal, a couple of days being held by someone who smokes is not going to do any harm.


Oh brother. And plenty of us developed asthma, cancer, and autoimmune diseases because we grew up in houses where people smoked.


Agree with those who say a couple of days is not going to cause anyone to develop asthma, cancer or autoimmune diseases.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2014 07:47     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
I would be o.k. as long as they smoked outside and washed hands/changed clothes before they held the baby.



Anonymous
Post 06/14/2014 07:15     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
My parents were pissed an insulted that i made them get a TDAP shot to be around the baby, what are you going to do.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2014 07:09     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
Anonymous wrote:I would relax and have them stay. Plenty of us grew up in houses where people smoked and turned out OK. While it is not ideal, a couple of days being held by someone who smokes is not going to do any harm.


Speak for yourself. Because of that very fact, I developed asthma.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2014 23:01     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
This would be non-negotiable in our house and I'm an ex smoker! Yes, of course you can insist that they stay in hotel, smoke outside in jacket that gets removed when they come in, must wash hands (I'd insist on a toothbrush, too). 3rd hand smoke is a real concern and it's just gross. My MIL wears a strong lilac perfume and that smell was ALL over DS when she came to visit. Made me want to puke. I can only image stale cigarette smell. GL, OP, I know these issues aren't easy to deal with.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2014 22:47     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
The baby no doubt will be crying in the middle of the night and waking everyone up -- that's one excuse to get them to stay at a hotel.

Regardless, I would have no qualms whatsoever to tell them point blank that they will need to stay at a hotel because of your concerns about the baby's health due to cigarettes. Maybe it will be a wake-up call for her.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2014 21:33     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
Anonymous wrote:I would relax and have them stay. Plenty of us grew up in houses where people smoked and turned out OK. While it is not ideal, a couple of days being held by someone who smokes is not going to do any harm.


Oh brother. And plenty of us developed asthma, cancer, and autoimmune diseases because we grew up in houses where people smoked.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2014 21:31     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
1) Explain that smoking only happens in designated areas outside of the house.

2) Put said designated area next to the trash cans.

3) Throw out lots of chicken, fish, dairy products, etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2014 21:29     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
My mum can smoke, outside, but then has to wash both hands and teeth every time she comes back in from a smoke break. It works for us.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2014 19:37     Subject: Family member that smokes - coming to visit?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not to defend chain smoking grandparents, but whenever these threads come up, I always wonder if there were as many nonsmokers who were allergic to smoke or get headaches from the mere odor of tobacco back when the vast majority of the country smoked.

Did they just suffer in silence or have we become more sensitive (like the peanut and other food allergies)?


I believe research did find that children and adults who were around smokers were more likely to suffer a number of ill effects, whether non-scientists knew it was from smoking or not. So there's that causal-correlation research.

But the other thing is, if you're not around smoking and then suddenly you come in contact with it, you DEFINITELY notice it. Back in "the day," there was so much smoking in public and private, that maybe ppl got psychologically (not physically) used to the smell. But I'll tell you, I can smell cigar or cigarette smoke from a great distance, and yeah, I find it totally unpleasant. My instinct is to get the hell away. It's narsty.

One of our regular UPS drivers must be a chain smoker. The boxes he delivers smell like smoke, get close to him and he smells like a stale cigarette. I don't think he's evil. I think he's addicted. Super nice guy. (Just, please, keep your distance!)


I'm old enough that I had to deal with smoking restaurants and planes and cabs etc.I have asthma and allergies and it bothered me back in the day.

Now, advances in medical care does mean we probably have more allergic people make it to adulthood. Natural selection would have taken me out a long time ago, without steroid shots, nebulizers, antibiotics for pneumonia etc, when I was a kid.