Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:47     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:Jen and Kim are sisters.

Jen has four children, and her son Aiden turned 3 at the end of May. They did not have a party, but went on an overnight trip on his birthday weekend. Kim has two children, and her daughter Isabelle is turning 3 at the end of June. They planned to have a family/preschool friends party. Parties with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc are the norm in this family, as everyone is local.

Jen hears from a relative that Kim has asked about availability for some people to attend Isabelle’s birthday party the Saturday following her birthday. Jen had planned to have a party for Aiden that day, but had only asked a few other relatives about their availability. Jen and Kim talk and become aware of each other’s tentative plans. Jen suggests a joint party, Kim declines. Jen suggests that Kim have Isabelle’s party the weekend before her birthday. Kim says they are too busy during that week to put the party together, and also does not want to have Isabelle’s party before her actual birthday. Grandparents request against having one party on Saturday and the other on Sunday (just too much party for one weekend). Jen suggests she have Aiden’s party the next weekend (now looking into July), but Kim’s family is leaving for vacation that day. Kim says they would not be able to come, but understands if Jen chooses that day for Aiden’s party.

Jen and Kim can’t come to an agreement. Kim messages Jen to tell her that Isabelle’s party is definitely going to be on the day in question and gives her the time. Jen responds with “Fine.” The next day, Kim receives an e-vite, sent to the entire family, for Aiden’s birthday party on the same day.

Who’s right? Who’s being a jerk? Obviously, I am either Kim or Jen, but I won’t reveal myself yet (just in case it isn’t obvious)

My head hurts.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:45     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:Solution:
Saturday - Isabelle party with preschool/neighborhood friends
Sunday - joint family party for Isabelle & Aiden


best solution by far.

Does the family really need to waste 2 days at parties for 3 yr olds? I get cousins attending but do you really think all the aunts and uncles want to be there?

God this all makes me so glad we don't live near family.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:43     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everybody is being a jerk. It's a birthday party for three-year-olds, not the Paris peace accords.


+1
LOL!


+1

Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:42     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Also note that Kim couldn't dare have Isabelle's party the weekend before her actual birthday.

These two show no signs of flexibility and appear to be invisible date owners. Heaven forbid a family member use one of their kids birthday weekends for a bridal shower or cookout! Don't let cousin Amy deliver on little Aiden or Isabelle's birth dates. Those dates are taken!
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:40     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.



Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.


Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.


Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.



Can you read? Are you Jen?

Kim messages Jen to tell her that Isabelle’s party is definitely going to be on the day in question and gives her the time. Jen responds with “Fine.” The next day, Kim receives an e-vite, sent to the entire family, for Aiden’s birthday party on the same day.


My understanding is this.

Jen was planning a party.

Jen found out that Kim was also planning a party the same day.

Jen reached out to Kim.

Jen suggested a solution.

Kim rejected Jen's solution and sent a message saying "Isabelle's birthday is definitely going to be that day". Thereby signalling that she wasn't interested in problem solving.

Jen went ahead with her previous plans.

Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:37     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Neither Jen nor Kim gives a flying fuck about the birthday party. Each one wants to "win." Great role models, ladies.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:36     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Get together once a month as a family and celebrate everyone who had a birthday since the last get-together (siblings, kids, parents). Then have separate parties for school friends or other neighbors. As the kids get older and have more activities, it's not feasible to reserve everyone in the family for every individual birthday (witness what is happening with travel and vacations).

Best to let go of expectations that everybody has a big family blow-out every time and find a way to make it work.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:36     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:Solution:
Saturday - Isabelle party with preschool/neighborhood friends
Sunday - joint family party for Isabelle & Aiden


This wouldn't work for Op because:

They planned to have a family/preschool friends party. Parties with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc are the norm in this family, as everyone is local.


The family involvement is important with these two.

The next day, Kim receives an e-vite, sent to the entire family, for Aiden’s birthday party on the same day.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:35     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.



Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.


Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.


Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.



Can you read? Are you Jen?

Kim messages Jen to tell her that Isabelle’s party is definitely going to be on the day in question and gives her the time. Jen responds with “Fine.” The next day, Kim receives an e-vite, sent to the entire family, for Aiden’s birthday party on the same day.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:35     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:Solution:
Saturday - Isabelle party with preschool/neighborhood friends
Sunday - joint family party for Isabelle & Aiden


This is the rationale solution, for sure.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:34     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.



Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.


Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.


Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.



Are you Jen?
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:34     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.



Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.


Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.


Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.

Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:33     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:Solution:
Saturday - Isabelle party with preschool/neighborhood friends
Sunday - joint family party for Isabelle & Aiden


Great idea! (Not OP.) FWIW, I agree with the consensus, Kim should have agreed to joint party, unless there are other dynamics at play (Jen is older sister, would have bossed her around, etc). But Jen was a total bitch for sending out that evite after the conversation with Kim. I think the PP's solution is the best one here given that Jen already sent out the evite for her party. Are there school friends at Jen's party?
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:31     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Solution:
Saturday - Isabelle party with preschool/neighborhood friends
Sunday - joint family party for Isabelle & Aiden


You win. That is, if Aiden's party was to be family only.

Jen's evite was totally a bitchy thing to do.


Actually this solution wins either way - if Aiden was going to have preschool/neighbor friends, his separate party could be held on Saturday too.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 13:31     Subject: Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.



Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.


Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.