Divorced man here.

I was married for 10 years. We were married during our senior year in college, so I had a lot of 'girls' hit on me. Over the years coworkers, high school friends and even a few of my ex-wife's friends made advances.

My marriage was one-sided, and my ex-wife will admit that she was a bad wife. Still, it was never difficult to refuse all those opportunities. I loved her and even though things were bad, I never believed that they couldn't get better. I always thought about the person I fell in love with and believed that she was still in there somewhere.

My father cheated on my stepmom every chance he got. He used to take me with him to their houses. I vowed that I would never be like him, so maybe that was part of it. I was faithful to the very end, which is something I'm very proud of.

As we all know, relationships are hard and require a lot of hard work. It's the commitment to the commited relationship, and it must be mutual, which is why I find the whole pre-nup thing kinda weird. I understand why people have one. I just think it's not really showing the other person that you are committed - IMO.

Anonymous wrote:Agree, it is part of who you are. When I was a single gal I was not ever attracted to married men. It is a very binary thing for me. Married equaled yuck. Now that I am married the binary thing turned off for all other men. I just can't look at them in that way because I am married to my husband. I guess I am very lucky that way! Plus my husband is amazing, of course

+1

I've been married almost 7 years and dated 2 years before that. It's just who I am. I simply want to go through life respecting myself so I don't consider cheating an option. Plus, my when my husband walks in the too my heart skips a beat. The longer I know him the more I am smitten with him

Been together 14 yrs. Never had a desire to cheat, and I'm gonna assume my SO feels the same, even when times got rough. Agree with others that it is part of your moral fiber, although I'm sure it could still happen (never say never). Both our fathers cheated on our mothers. This happened before I was born, but for my SO, it happened in SO's teen years, and SO recalls every painful memory. This had made SO very averse to it, although as I stated, never say never.

Anonymous wrote:As long as you realize that sex in its best sense is over and you're ok with that then it's no prob. Men tend to miss high quality sex more since they are hard wired for mating.

WTF. I don't know what kind of marriage you are in, but we still have sex every day, and not prefunctorily (I'd be willing to go for more, if DH wanted it). In any event, if one party is not getting enough sex, then the adult thing to do is to discuss it with your partner, not to cheat. If after discussion, the parties can't come to a mutually agreeable compromise, and your frequency/type of sex is that important to you, then divorce. Or enter into an open marriage. There is no excuse for lying and cheating of any sort.

As long as you realize that sex in its best sense is over and you're ok with that then it's no prob. Men tend to miss high quality sex more since they are hard wired for mating.

Anonymous wrote:Guy here, and married for 15 years. Neither my wife nor I was ever a serious risk for cheating, though you never know what temptation will come down the pike. But then a friend of ours split from his wife after she had an affair. That was about four years ago. Having a front row seat to watch the utter misery and tragedy for him and the kids made staying faithful a heck of a lot easier. Not that it was hard before, but it just put everything in perspective.

I hear so many of these stories. Wives cheating on husbands is very underreported.

Faithful DW here, been together 10 years. No magic advice, I just think I've become asexual. Sad, but true.

Guy here, and married for 15 years. Neither my wife nor I was ever a serious risk for cheating, though you never know what temptation will come down the pike. But then a friend of ours split from his wife after she had an affair. That was about four years ago. Having a front row seat to watch the utter misery and tragedy for him and the kids made staying faithful a heck of a lot easier. Not that it was hard before, but it just put everything in perspective.

Anonymous wrote:I came from a broken home and had a crappy childhood. I got married to the type of person who wants what I want out if life- a strong family bond, happy children, a long life together. I dated enough before my DH to know that there is nothing out there worth throwing away a happy life together for. I also dated a cheater before DH. He had a different moral compass than I did. A cheater just brings out the worst in you- jealousy, lack of trust, misery. Being with someone who values being faithful brings out the best in you.

+1
I could have written this.

Anonymous wrote:DW here, together with DH for 14 years, never even would think to cheat. I love him and he makes me happy (even now, when he walks into a room, it feels a little brighter), but even if that was not the case, I would not cheat because I view it as immoral (if your marriage is that dead, divorce and then play the field all you like).

Not only that, but why risk hurting someone who has meant so much in my life? If you have a spouse who is a reasonably good person, do you really want them to find out you were unfaithful and see the anguish in their eyes?

DW here, together with DH for 14 years, never even would think to cheat. I love him and he makes me happy (even now, when he walks into a room, it feels a little brighter), but even if that was not the case, I would not cheat because I view it as immoral (if your marriage is that dead, divorce and then play the field all you like).

Together and faithful for twenty-three years this fall, married for eighteen. At this point it just feels so great to be with someone I know so well and love so much. Completely and utterly love each other, it makes the down years so worth it!

Anonymous wrote:Wife here- married 12 years. I hate drama and stress .. Therefore having an affair has never appealed to me. Of
Course I think about it- I'm not a nun- but it just seems like too much trouble .

+1! Who the hell has time? If I had the time and energy to have an affair, I'd put that time and energy into my marriage. Why the hell would I want to start from scratch with someone new? Someone who's not half as well suited to me as DW is? I'm not going to find better.

I have never cheated and as far as I know, neither has spouse. Believe that humans are inherently non-monogamous but that for the most part sex carries emotional implications that once out of the bag, cannot be easily be put back. Even if it was an open marriage where my spouse and I had lovers, which is different than cheating, the brain chemistry, hormones, etc. would put the marriage and how we feel about each other on a different course.

For a variety of reasons, including trust, confidence, and other aspects of emotional well being between ourselves and family, that is not a risk I am willing to take.