Anonymous wrote:DW here. You're being ridiculous. He's a grown man, and you don't get to punish him.

I recognize tension is probably high since he's out of work, but you need to calm down and talk through a plan that will make you both comfortable. Realize he is not a robot who will derive no pleasure from life until his mission of finding a new job is complete -- he's a soccer fan and the world cup is a huge deal.

If my DH tried to stop me from watching a sporting event I wanted to watch, I'd do what PP said and go to the sports bar. It would probably end up costing more than keeping cable since the WC is a month-long event!

Not to mention, your DH can watch your baby while enjoying a game. Heck, when my babies were small, about the only thing I could enjoy was cable (trapped under baby syndrome). Not that he'll be nursing, but let's face it, watching a baby allows for some sports-watching down time.

This. I didn't BF, but still spent a good part of maternity leave on the couch while my baby slept on my chest.

You'll get some major savings from not paying for daycare because your husband will be watching the baby during the day. You won't have to take leave to go to the pediatrician, etc because your husband will handle that. If he is called for an interview, he can get a babysitter for a few hours (or you can take leave, if you have it). And when your husband finds a new job, summer is a good time to find a daycare opening, because of kids moving up to preschool.

DW here. You're being ridiculous. He's a grown man, and you don't get to punish him.

I recognize tension is probably high since he's out of work, but you need to calm down and talk through a plan that will make you both comfortable. Realize he is not a robot who will derive no pleasure from life until his mission of finding a new job is complete -- he's a soccer fan and the world cup is a huge deal.

If my DH tried to stop me from watching a sporting event I wanted to watch, I'd do what PP said and go to the sports bar. It would probably end up costing more than keeping cable since the WC is a month-long event!

Not to mention, your DH can watch your baby while enjoying a game. Heck, when my babies were small, about the only thing I could enjoy was cable (trapped under baby syndrome). Not that he'll be nursing, but let's face it, watching a baby allows for some sports-watching down time.

As long as he's applying for jobs and remaining engaged in that process why shouldn't he be able to watch soccer? Let be honest - it doesn't take 8 hours a day to job search, and even if you write cover letters for 8 hours a day, you be waiting a long time before you get a job. I think it takes about 2 hours a day max, after the initial week of become familiar with what's out there and re-making contacts.

If he has a specialized job, there might not be much to apply for. You should probably talk about that - is the goal to get the right job in a niche area, or ANY job? What's he looking for? What do you expect? What's a realistic expectation given your finances?

So he's unemployed, and he gets to laze around and watch soccer. I assume he's doing more childcare, right?

Them's the breaks.

When I unexpectedly became the breadwinner, it was stressful and yes, I did fret about what my husband did all day and our purchases so I get where you're coming from OP but you can't unilaterally decide to cut cable during his favorite sports season when he was just laid off two weeks ago. Sports channels are the only thing you get from cable that you can't from hulu, netflix, and the rest. So it's not really fair that this is the first thing in the budget you propose cutting. Even if he watches two games a day, that's still enough time to apply for a job or two each day anyway.

Go to him with an open mind and ask what he thinks the game plan should be - how many weeks should you all give it before you start cutting back on the monthly expenses? When that time comes, what's first up on the chopping block? Maybe you can cut your take out bill first if DH's willing to take over the cooking & dishes while he looks for a job - he could even pack you lunch. That would save us more than cutting cable. That's just an example, but point is he may have his own ideas about how to reduce spending while you all are this situation - hear him out first and try to find common ground. You are months away from being justified in proclaiming what needs to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Soccer guy here. The games are 2 hours including commercials, and there are at most 3 per day, at noon, 3pm, and 6pm. If he's an early riser, he can easily spend the entire morning on the job search. World Cup lasts only a month.

This.

Also, if you were my spouse and canceled cable during the World Cup to punish me or motivate me, I would be at the local sports bar in time for every match.

I am a DW.

+1.

So...I assume that your DH was not eligible to take advantage of the FMLA? That is a pretty crappy employer then. OP, I know it is difficult. My DH was RIF and was out of work for 6 months. Luckily, we were able to have some savings built up and he got 2 months severance. I did not push him, but he was the type of guy who hated not to be working. He made sure to spend a couple hours each day applying and looking. He also did the child drop-off and pick-up duties.

Be patient and start budget planning. You will get through it. Oh I would not cut cable. As PP said, that will be a realtively cheap source of enterainment.

Cutting cable will likely cost you significantly. If you're getting a bundle rate, that will go away and you will pay more for less services as well as a cancellation fee (I know when I cancelled Uverse I paid $400).

This is why couples need to discuss what happens in these scenarios before they get married.

If one of us is unemployed, what do we do/not do about non-essential expenditures?

If we are both stressed, how do we manage a mismatch in coping strategies?

Soccer guy here. The games are 2 hours including commercials, and there are at most 3 per day, at noon, 3pm, and 6pm. If he's an early riser, he can easily spend the entire morning on the job search. World Cup lasts only a month.

This.

Also, if you were my spouse and canceled cable during the World Cup to punish me or motivate me, I would be at the local sports bar in time for every match.

I am a DW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Of course you're not awful, and naturally you are feeling confused and ambivalent about your role here.

It took 18 months for DH to find new job. He took his own sweet time trawling for job interviews, sending his resume, etc. I too hesitated between nagging him to work a little harder, and leaving him alone. Resentment accumulated because during that time he didn't lift a finger in the house (no cooking, cleaning or anything).

It's difficult. I would sit him down and organize some sort of schedule - he has to exercise (great for warding off depression), work for X amount of time a day, take any networking opportunity available, and then he can watch TV.

If my spouse tried to impose some sort of schedule like you are suggesting, we would have major problems.

But he should have helped out with housework. I can not imagine sitting at home, waiting for the working spouse home to do another shift.

Anonymous wrote:Between a three month old and a full time job, somehow I bet the OP never gets two hours in a row to sit down and do what she wants...DH needs to step it up at home so she can also have a break.

I didn't hear OP complaining that he wasn't.

Between a three month old and a full time job, somehow I bet the OP never gets two hours in a row to sit down and do what she wants...DH needs to step it up at home so she can also have a break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to punish him because he got fired for taking leave after you guys had a baby? You're awful. Blame his boss, not him.

This. He dealt with a premature child, and he's obviously an engaged dad since he jeopardized his job to take care of your preemie. He is dealing with being fired from his job for no fault of his. He needs a break and he deserves to get some slack. He can't be applying for jobs every waking minute of his day. What the hell is wrong with you, that you talk about "grounding" him instead of cheering him on?

Umm, it wasn't just "her preemie," it was both of theirs. And now they both need to work together as a team, which doesn't include him lying around all day watching TV while she works. Finding a job can be a full-time job. He can watch TV after "work" (that is, after he spends 8 hours a day looking for a new job).

I'm the poster you're quuoting. Last time I checked, "your" covered both singular and plural. Did the English language change overnight? Please.

Soccer guy here. The games are 2 hours including commercials, and there are at most 3 per day, at noon, 3pm, and 6pm. If he's an early riser, he can easily spend the entire morning on the job search. World Cup lasts only a month.