I have another thought, why wasn't he interested in co-parenting with the maternal grandparents? I assume GF will be in prison for at least a decade.

I think your hunch is right, he didn't want to be financially responsible for his son so he signed him over.


OP, you know you can do better than this guy. Some males will share an "intimate" situation from their past to test you to see how much shit you are willing to tolerate.

Anonymous wrote:You are dating someone who was dating someone who got thrown in prison while pregnant. Enough said.

Lol this! Who cares about the child at this point, he is in living hands. The man is obviously making poor decisions and I wouldn't want to date someone or have someone around my child, who is like that. Also, if he gave up his rights, and was now fighting to get his child back because he is more mature, and financially able to provide, then I commend him for that and maybe would consider dating him but it looks like he doesn't care if the grandparents are adopting.

You are dating someone who was dating someone who got thrown in prison while pregnant. Enough said.

Anonymous wrote: But six years is recent. If he was so unprepared to be a father to his own child at that point, he can't have changed that much in the intervening years.

Why not?

Freshmen entering undergraduate are very different than graduating Seniors, and even more different than those who finish Grad school.

Six years of effort in the Army is the time between Private and coming up on Staff Sergeant.

It isn't fair to take an arbitrary time frame and declare ipso facto that it's impossible to change. We don't know what happened to this fellow in the intervening time. Having to make a choice like he did could very well have given him a severe reality shot and inspired him to make changes in his life. The OP says she likes him, and here he's being condemned as a selfish man-child via some pretty thin gruel.

I'm still inclined to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

Anonymous wrote:If a 26 year old woman can abort her baby because she isn't prepared to be a parent, why are we smacking this guy down for making sure that his son is adopted by loving relatives?

9:37 here. If OP was 50 year old with a grown son, and so was her boyfriend, I'd say that it happened long ago and is not relevant. But six years is recent. If he was so unprepared to be a father to his own child at that point, he can't have changed that much in the intervening years. He's probably in no place to parent a kid now, but OP IS parenting, right now, and a child of that same age.

I can't imagine that they can work as a couple. The boyfriend may not be evil, but he's probably not the best boyfriend for a single mom.

^^ should NOT extrapolate.

Sorry

If a 26 year old woman can abort her baby because she isn't prepared to be a parent, why are we smacking this guy down for making sure that his son is adopted by loving relatives?

I was a mother in my early 20s. It was hard, very hard physically, financially, professionally, socially, and emotionally. But rewarding. And I don't regret it. Yet people always tell me that I should extrapolate that all young women in their 20s could handle it. If that is the case, the same goes for young men.

This guy could have been a douche and left his son in legal limbo land forever. It's easy to duck out on child support by working under the table. A friend's ex has worked off the books and not had a bank account for 12 years to avoid paying CS.

Looking ahead at the possible long term, how in the world could this guy be a good stepdad to your son? Psychologically speaking, it would seem that being in a parental role to a boy the same age as the boy you gave up would really mess with the mind. I'm no psychologist, but this seems like a recipe for disaster for your child.

Definite dealbreaker. I know a guy who stepped up to raise his daughter by himself when his babymother died at the age of 22. The guy you are dating sounds like a loser. If anything make sure you don't get pregnant by him.

I am also contrary. It's actually the more selfish thing to claim a baby you don't really have the means to raise.

Instead, he did the selfless thing, and let the baby be raised by grandparents who can (let's assume) provide a stable loving home.

I have this view because I'm adopted, and I'm glad my birth parents were selfless enough to put me up for adoption and give me a chance at a great life.

Anonymous wrote:I recently started seeing this guy and things are going pretty good so far.
Except one thing kinda bothers me. He has a six year old son that he had with and former girlfriend that now lives with her parents and is in the process of being formally adopted by them.

Shortly after his birth, both him and his former GF signed away their parental rights to the child.
The GF because she was in prison and the guy I am seeing because he says he wasn't in a good place financially and didn't think he could be a good father and provide for his son. I get a hunch that he didn't want to pay child support for eighteen years.

My problem is that I have a six year old son and I cannot even imagine absolving my parental rights no matter what. If I had to peddle apples on the street corner, I would.
I like this guy, but this really bothers me that he could do something like this.
Is this a deal breaker?

OK, I'm going to be contrary.

First, I don't think it's fair to compare your child with his. Was your child planned for and expected? Was his? What I'm trying to say is suppose his ex GF accidentally-on-purpose got prego in a way to "trap" him (which is unthinkable, yeah, but we're talking a jailbird here) or something. His feelings about the child are probably very much different than yours.

Second, he came clean and told you the truth about something he likely knew you'd have some issue with. If he were a real scumbag trying to get out of something, would he have bothered?

Third, at the time it sounded like he was handed a bunch of bad choices and he had to make the least-crappy one that worked best for the kid. The *easy* thing would have been to abort the baby, and they didn't go that route. I gotta hand them all credit for that.

Main thing you have to decide is if you're subconsciously looking for a way out of this relationship and thinking this could be an excuse.

No one here knows the guy or the situation like you do. But as for me and what I've heard so far, I'm inclined to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

To me it would be a deal breaker.

Anonymous wrote:If the adoption is still in process, then he likely didn't sign away his rights six years ago, he did so more recently.

I would be fine with someone who placed their newborn child for adoption, including if that placement was with family. But this sounds like mom was parenting, without support from Dad, or mom was co-parenting with her parents, and then when she went to prison Dad didn't step up either to form a relationship with his child or to pay child support.

I would stay far away.

I am the pp who mentioned how adoption can be a respectable choice. I just read the above comment, and I do agree this might be more the way the situation went down. If that is the case, it should probably be a big red flag for you.

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Absolutely sickening.

Nothing like selling your soul to the devil.

People who would do that deserve to never have children.

Anonymous wrote:It's not only about the money.
It's about the responsibility.
I know of 2 women who had to sign a prenup that if they got pregnant, they had to terminate the fetus.

Why is it sickening?
Because abortion is killing an innocent human life.
And everybody knows it deep inside no matter how much angry bluster and diversion they throw around .