Start meeting with lawyers ASAP so your husband can't hire them. Take some time off work (a few days at least) and don't tell your husband or kids. See lawyers and go through papers in the home office and start making lists of everything and photocopying everything before things disappear.

Sandra Havrilak
http://www.sandrahavrilak.com/

Leslie Webber Hoffman
http://www.familylaw-va.com/leslie_weber_hoffman.php

Used Sandy, met with Leslie for post-divorce matter. I do not find attorneys in this area of the law to be individuals with whom I click. Perhaps that is better.

Meet asap so you can know your options. Sandy told me to take half of joint accounts. I did not and ex took it all. Don't be naive or kind. I did not take the money because I thought it would reflect badly on me and I did not care about the money at that moment. Clearly a mistake.

And I'm sorry, OP. I don't begrudge you your lifestyle.

Anonymous wrote:take a day off work and meet with the most-recommended lawyers. Worth the time and expense to conflict your DH out of using them AND decide who you want to to work with.

good luck hon.

Thanks.

take a day off work and meet with the most-recommended lawyers. Worth the time and expense to conflict your DH out of using them AND decide who you want to to work with.

good luck hon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the PP who first recommended David Masterman.

Let me give you some sincere advice: if it does get into heavy litigation, then you need someone like DM for sure. But before you go all the way into a war with your husband, you need to make an assessment as to whether he is the kind of guy who would want to screw you financially. If he is not and if you have decent handle on the assets you have jointly and individually, think in terms of what an equal split of those assets would work out to for each person. See if you can come to a general agreement on how this should be split and then it can be formalized in an agreement.

Issues like child support and custody should be resolvable. The former is done by formula in VA based on what each person is earning. The latter would be a given in most cases unless there was abuse involved.

You have not identified all of your assets but the one that is potentially complicated is the value of your husband's business. This would require a professional to come up with a valuation and you would definitely need legal help.

I suggest this approach because once you get lawyers involved in every issue, it will become protracted and will cost you both a fortune - money that would come out of the assets available for distribution between you and your husband.

Now if your husband cannot be trusted to level with you about the finances and you don't have any knowledge of the details, then you would have to totally rely on lawyers and determining the facts through depositions and discovery.

I agree with this. But I especially agree with the last lines. Women, including myself, always say things like, "Oh, he's a cheater, but he will always support me and the children. He wouldn't lie about money." And lawyers say, "Everyone says that, and then in six months, they realize that they are lying about money." And then of course the lawyers are right.

It's all about Character. Cheaters and addicts don't have strong moral codes and this is displayed best in a divorce.

So just keep this in mind, OP. I don't know the details of your divorce, but divorce is UGLY, and you need to protect yourself, assets or no assets, cheating or no cheating, or whatever. Just protect yourself legally. You won't regret it.

Thank you, two pps. It's been 48 hours and I am in the sucker punch/feeling like I'm going to throw up phase. I am still in utter disbelief--esp the quick and severe anger and personality change right before my eyes.

He's incredibly intelligent and I used to think loyal. I wouldn't put anything past him now...

Sorry OP. Been there. Cheaters really hate getting caught because it deflates their belief that they're too smart for that to happen. It brings out the mean, fast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the PP who first recommended David Masterman.

Let me give you some sincere advice: if it does get into heavy litigation, then you need someone like DM for sure. But before you go all the way into a war with your husband, you need to make an assessment as to whether he is the kind of guy who would want to screw you financially. If he is not and if you have decent handle on the assets you have jointly and individually, think in terms of what an equal split of those assets would work out to for each person. See if you can come to a general agreement on how this should be split and then it can be formalized in an agreement.

Issues like child support and custody should be resolvable. The former is done by formula in VA based on what each person is earning. The latter would be a given in most cases unless there was abuse involved.

You have not identified all of your assets but the one that is potentially complicated is the value of your husband's business. This would require a professional to come up with a valuation and you would definitely need legal help.

I suggest this approach because once you get lawyers involved in every issue, it will become protracted and will cost you both a fortune - money that would come out of the assets available for distribution between you and your husband.

Now if your husband cannot be trusted to level with you about the finances and you don't have any knowledge of the details, then you would have to totally rely on lawyers and determining the facts through depositions and discovery.

I agree with this. But I especially agree with the last lines. Women, including myself, always say things like, "Oh, he's a cheater, but he will always support me and the children. He wouldn't lie about money." And lawyers say, "Everyone says that, and then in six months, they realize that they are lying about money." And then of course the lawyers are right.

It's all about Character. Cheaters and addicts don't have strong moral codes and this is displayed best in a divorce.

So just keep this in mind, OP. I don't know the details of your divorce, but divorce is UGLY, and you need to protect yourself, assets or no assets, cheating or no cheating, or whatever. Just protect yourself legally. You won't regret it.

Thank you, two pps. It's been 48 hours and I am in the sucker punch/feeling like I'm going to throw up phase. I am still in utter disbelief--esp the quick and severe anger and personality change right before my eyes.

He's incredibly intelligent and I used to think loyal. I wouldn't put anything past him now...

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the PP who first recommended David Masterman.

Let me give you some sincere advice: if it does get into heavy litigation, then you need someone like DM for sure. But before you go all the way into a war with your husband, you need to make an assessment as to whether he is the kind of guy who would want to screw you financially. If he is not and if you have decent handle on the assets you have jointly and individually, think in terms of what an equal split of those assets would work out to for each person. See if you can come to a general agreement on how this should be split and then it can be formalized in an agreement.

Issues like child support and custody should be resolvable. The former is done by formula in VA based on what each person is earning. The latter would be a given in most cases unless there was abuse involved.

You have not identified all of your assets but the one that is potentially complicated is the value of your husband's business. This would require a professional to come up with a valuation and you would definitely need legal help.

I suggest this approach because once you get lawyers involved in every issue, it will become protracted and will cost you both a fortune - money that would come out of the assets available for distribution between you and your husband.

Now if your husband cannot be trusted to level with you about the finances and you don't have any knowledge of the details, then you would have to totally rely on lawyers and determining the facts through depositions and discovery.

I agree with this. But I especially agree with the last lines. Women, including myself, always say things like, "Oh, he's a cheater, but he will always support me and the children. He wouldn't lie about money." And lawyers say, "Everyone says that, and then in six months, they realize that they are lying about money." And then of course the lawyers are right.

It's all about Character. Cheaters and addicts don't have strong moral codes and this is displayed best in a divorce.

So just keep this in mind, OP. I don't know the details of your divorce, but divorce is UGLY, and you need to protect yourself, assets or no assets, cheating or no cheating, or whatever. Just protect yourself legally. You won't regret it.

OP, I am the PP who first recommended David Masterman.

Let me give you some sincere advice: if it does get into heavy litigation, then you need someone like DM for sure. But before you go all the way into a war with your husband, you need to make an assessment as to whether he is the kind of guy who would want to screw you financially. If he is not and if you have decent handle on the assets you have jointly and individually, think in terms of what an equal split of those assets would work out to for each person. See if you can come to a general agreement on how this should be split and then it can be formalized in an agreement.

Issues like child support and custody should be resolvable. The former is done by formula in VA based on what each person is earning. The latter would be a given in most cases unless there was abuse involved.

You have not identified all of your assets but the one that is potentially complicated is the value of your husband's business. This would require a professional to come up with a valuation and you would definitely need legal help.

I suggest this approach because once you get lawyers involved in every issue, it will become protracted and will cost you both a fortune - money that would come out of the assets available for distribution between you and your husband.

Now if your husband cannot be trusted to level with you about the finances and you don't have any knowledge of the details, then you would have to totally rely on lawyers and determining the facts through depositions and discovery.

My lawyer told me to withdraw half the money in joint ckg/savings accounts. It's yours, and they will sort it out later. Not sure if this is good advice, I didn't do it because I didn't want it to get bitter.

OP could have just said "Money not an issue" but I think the concern is husband could go after the many assets. The first thing any lawyer is going to tell OP is to list and apply a value to all the assets. Example, if a wine collection, inventory bottle by bottle. If furniture and rugs, find receipts. Jewelry. Crystal. Cigars. Stamp collection. Stocks. Retirement funds. Real Estate. Do this quickly before the assets begin to disappear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take meetings with all the best lawyers even if you don't intend to hire them. Then they can't represent your husband.

Do you pay for these initial meetings?

Generally, yes.

8:53 if you can't say anything nice . . .

Really, have a little compassion people. Assets or not, divorce and betrayal are super painful.

Not for the gawkers on this thread. They're eating their popcorn and laughing and having fun at OP's expense, ignoring the Karma that is barreling towards them like a boulder down a mountain. Good luck in life "assets" PPs -- you suck.

OP brought up their massive assets three times in three posts. That's where her concerns are. Why shouldn't people respond to that?
You're right, karma is at play here perhaps.

I saw it twice only and it is important and the type of attorney will be different.

If a spouse has lucrative self-owned business, if there are multiple properties, etcetera. It is very different and not all lawyers are the same with this. Definitely didn't see this as a brag...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take meetings with all the best lawyers even if you don't intend to hire them. Then they can't represent your husband.

Do you pay for these initial meetings?

Generally, yes.

8:53 if you can't say anything nice . . .

Really, have a little compassion people. Assets or not, divorce and betrayal are super painful.

Not for the gawkers on this thread. They're eating their popcorn and laughing and having fun at OP's expense, ignoring the Karma that is barreling towards them like a boulder down a mountain. Good luck in life "assets" PPs -- you suck.

+1. Envy brings out the bitter worst in some people.

+1000 NP here. There is SO much envy here its disgusting. Grow up, PP - take responsibility for your own dreadful life instead of trying to mind others. GL, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take meetings with all the best lawyers even if you don't intend to hire them. Then they can't represent your husband.

Do you pay for these initial meetings?

Generally, yes.

8:53 if you can't say anything nice . . .

Really, have a little compassion people. Assets or not, divorce and betrayal are super painful.

Not for the gawkers on this thread. They're eating their popcorn and laughing and having fun at OP's expense, ignoring the Karma that is barreling towards them like a boulder down a mountain. Good luck in life "assets" PPs -- you suck.

OP brought up their massive assets three times in three posts. That's where her concerns are. Why shouldn't people respond to that?
You're right, karma is at play here perhaps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take meetings with all the best lawyers even if you don't intend to hire them. Then they can't represent your husband.

Do you pay for these initial meetings?

Generally, yes.

8:53 if you can't say anything nice . . .

Really, have a little compassion people. Assets or not, divorce and betrayal are super painful.

Not for the gawkers on this thread. They're eating their popcorn and laughing and having fun at OP's expense, ignoring the Karma that is barreling towards them like a boulder down a mountain. Good luck in life "assets" PPs -- you suck.

Karma is not a thing. Are we supposed to think that OP brought her unfortunate situation upon herself by behaving badly at some point?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take meetings with all the best lawyers even if you don't intend to hire them. Then they can't represent your husband.

Do you pay for these initial meetings?

Generally, yes.

8:53 if you can't say anything nice . . .

Really, have a little compassion people. Assets or not, divorce and betrayal are super painful.

Not for the gawkers on this thread. They're eating their popcorn and laughing and having fun at OP's expense, ignoring the Karma that is barreling towards them like a boulder down a mountain. Good luck in life "assets" PPs -- you suck.

+1. Envy brings out the bitter worst in some people.