Anonymous
05/31/2014 12:35
Subject: Don't understand why I keep falling for guys, but none of them are romantically interested
RHinVA wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The crying in the bathroom killed whatever chance you had with this guy. Makes you appear needy and desperate.
I've always ended up in the best relationships when I was consciously NOT looking for a relationship. Maybe take a break and love will find you.
I know I shouldn't have cried, but I'm also going through a lot of family issues and it kind of pit me over the edge.
There it is. Maybe you're looking for this guy to be an escape for you from these problems, a white knight? It's completely understandable and I sympathize with you a lot. But, in a time when you need to lean on someone turn to your friends and family, people who know you and love you and who you can trust. If there's no one you feel comfortable doing that with, go to a therapist. Sometimes just being able to vent to someone whose sole purpose for that hour is to listen to you can be cathartic. I hope it gets better, op
Thanks!
I am going to talk with him so. I think it's for the best that I end things and possibly pursue a friendship when I am healthy. Bc I don't want him to have to deal with my family problems. I don't want to break up, but I have no clue what to do. I don't want to cause any more necessary drama for us.
Anonymous
05/31/2014 09:23
Subject: Don't understand why I keep falling for guys, but none of them are romantically interested
Anonymous wrote:The crying in the bathroom killed whatever chance you had with this guy. Makes you appear needy and desperate.
I've always ended up in the best relationships when I was consciously NOT looking for a relationship. Maybe take a break and love will find you.
I know I shouldn't have cried, but I'm also going through a lot of family issues and it kind of pit me over the edge.
Anonymous
05/31/2014 08:02
Subject: Don't understand why I keep falling for guys, but none of them are romantically interested
"Op here, thanks for your advice....I may try counseling."
Good girl. This isn't a man vs. woman thing - I'm a woman, and I don't put much weight into those early feelings because I know it isn't real love and, even if real love comes, the rest of the relationship has to be healthy too (which in mind my means being together at least a year and seeing how each other struggle with life issues). It's also not a "good relationships come when you're not looking" thing - there's nothing wrong with being proactive and forthright about looking for a serious relationship, as long as you do it in a healthy way.
Good girl. This isn't a man vs. woman thing - I'm a woman, and I don't put much weight into those early feelings because I know it isn't real love and, even if real love comes, the rest of the relationship has to be healthy too (which in mind my means being together at least a year and seeing how each other struggle with life issues). It's also not a "good relationships come when you're not looking" thing - there's nothing wrong with being proactive and forthright about looking for a serious relationship, as long as you do it in a healthy way.
Anonymous
05/31/2014 07:50
Subject: Don't understand why I keep falling for guys, but none of them are romantically interested
The crying in the bathroom killed whatever chance you had with this guy. Makes you appear needy and desperate.
I've always ended up in the best relationships when I was consciously NOT looking for a relationship. Maybe take a break and love will find you.
I've always ended up in the best relationships when I was consciously NOT looking for a relationship. Maybe take a break and love will find you.
Anonymous
05/31/2014 07:38
Subject: Don't understand why I keep falling for guys, but none of them are romantically interested
Op here, thanks for your advice....I may try counseling.
Anonymous
05/31/2014 02:19
Subject: Re:Don't understand why I keep falling for guys, but none of them are romantically interested
A couple of things:
Don't date people for 6 months unless you are reasonably sure they feel similarly about you as you do about them.
'Reasonably sure' the way I am saying it means:
Not grilling them about it, or asking for constant reassurance (if you feel the need to do that, it means one of two things - either that you do need to get more emotional support/validation in your life (from expanding your relationships with friends/family members, or from building up your self-reliance, possibly with the help of a professional) or that deep down you know they don't feel the way you do, but you are hoping they will say differently
Continuing to date others unless/until they too express that they want to be exclusive
[/list]If the care/consideration they give you is roughly equal to what you give them[/list]
[/list]If they want to see you with roughly the same frequency that you want to see them. [/list]
Cut trivial things like receiving flowers from your mind. I know since you haven't yet, you've built it up to be a big deal in your mind, but really, it just means the guy has $30 and a phone. That's all. Look more at whether you're getting better at picking your partners over time.
Bear in mind that until you marry (or settle into a non-marriage, lifetime relationship) sooner or later, they ALL stop calling. Or you stop calling them. That's just how it works. It doesn't mean you're pathetic, or unlovable, etc. All those other single people out there are exactly like you. They still haven't found anyone that they wanted to settle down with, who wanted to settle down with them, either.
Don't date people for 6 months unless you are reasonably sure they feel similarly about you as you do about them.
'Reasonably sure' the way I am saying it means:
[/list]If the care/consideration they give you is roughly equal to what you give them[/list]
[/list]If they want to see you with roughly the same frequency that you want to see them. [/list]
Cut trivial things like receiving flowers from your mind. I know since you haven't yet, you've built it up to be a big deal in your mind, but really, it just means the guy has $30 and a phone. That's all. Look more at whether you're getting better at picking your partners over time.
Bear in mind that until you marry (or settle into a non-marriage, lifetime relationship) sooner or later, they ALL stop calling. Or you stop calling them. That's just how it works. It doesn't mean you're pathetic, or unlovable, etc. All those other single people out there are exactly like you. They still haven't found anyone that they wanted to settle down with, who wanted to settle down with them, either.