Anonymous wrote:My DS who has an ASD had his IQ double in several years. he didn't become a super genius, its just that his IQ had been artificially depressed because of his difficulty communicating. Same child, radically different IQ score. IQ means extremely little for a person with an ASD. On the one hand, its very, very difficult to get an accurate IQ from someone who has trouble interacting and communicating. On the other hand you have people with ASDs who legitimately have very high IQs but the ASD makes functioning, including academic functioning, difficult. I don't know what kind of professional you are but everything you write makes me hope you have nothing to do with my child.

+1000

And the fact that you are participating in IEP meetings makes me think you are a gatekeeper whose job it is to say no to accommodations. No wonder you hate us, we're trying to do whats best for our kids.

My DS who has an ASD had his IQ double in several years. he didn't become a super genius, its just that his IQ had been artificially depressed because of his difficulty communicating. Same child, radically different IQ score. IQ means extremely little for a person with an ASD. On the one hand, its very, very difficult to get an accurate IQ from someone who has trouble interacting and communicating. On the other hand you have people with ASDs who legitimately have very high IQs but the ASD makes functioning, including academic functioning, difficult. I don't know what kind of professional you are but everything you write makes me hope you have nothing to do with my child.

Anonymous wrote:Here's one takeway from this -- moms are still too often discounted, and they should not be

This perp's mother tried to get the police's attention. They should have taken her concerns much more seriously, unless there was a good reason not to.

Did the officers watch the videos that were posted online, which concerned the mother so much? Most people wouldn't take calling the cops about their own young adult kid lightly.

Newspaper reports say that they didn't even know about the videos, sadly. They thought he was a suicide risk, not a risk to others.

Here's one takeway from this -- moms are still too often discounted, and they should not be

This perp's mother tried to get the police's attention. They should have taken her concerns much more seriously, unless there was a good reason not to.

Did the officers watch the videos that were posted online, which concerned the mother so much? Most people wouldn't take calling the cops about their own young adult kid lightly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

I wouldn't call it toxic so much as paralyzed. For most of the parents I encounter, their child with ASD is the first child and sometimes the only child.They only know this one way of parenting. The rigidity in diet, routine, clothing, etc. It is like have a toddler for life. One parent asked me to never use the color red on the Promethean (smartboard) because her son hated it. She honestly thought it was a reasonable accommodation. This is a bigger problem for her than it is for me and I feel deeply sorry for her.

They also are parenting in a geographic area in which parenting is a competitive sport. Every parent I meet with a child with ASD insists he (or rarely she) has a high IQ. But typically, when we get the paperwork from the psychologist, the child actually has an average IQ. Currently, I have 2 students that actually do have a high IQ. Unfortunately, those two are most emotionally impaired and the least likely to live independently some day.

IQ scores are typically poor indicators of ability or intelligence in kids with ASDs. They underestimate their actual ability by quite a bit because their deficits in certain focused areas drive the overall score down. A GAI score can be a better indicator than a full scale IQ, but even that is not always a good indicator. The IQ scoring materials specifically say that these kids IQ scores have to be used "with caution" or not used at all.

You aren't really a teacher, are you? I would have thought that you would know something that basic.

Believe what you want. I have to go by the paperwork and the children's performance not some stranger on DCUM. Before IEP meetings, we talk about the child and know which of them are truly gifted vs. average but extra special to the parent. If I had a dime for every parent who cited Einstein as proof their DC with ASD was destined for greatness, I'd be able to self-fund those smaller class sizes.

It's ok for a child, even a child on the spectrum to be of average intelligence. If we can get past that hang up, we can do so much more for the child.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

Wow, I wish you would write some identifying information so you would be fired. Toxic? You are the one who sounds toxic.

Parents of kids with ASDs are like any other group of parents, that is to say mixed. (Though having spent time in MANY therapeutic waiting rooms with MANY such parents, I have to say that as a whole they rise to the occasion and are a pretty amazing and empathetic bunch. We have each others' backs.) It sounds like you are putting the parents under an unfair microscope, maybe because you don;t understand how difficult it is and think you could do better. Or maybe you don;t know what the hell you are doing and they don;t follow your directions, so you label them toxic. Or maybe they have shadow ASD characteristics themselves -- which is very frequently the case -- and you are too ignorant to recognize that.

I have an NT child, I have seen toxic parents. They are the ones who over schedule their kids, brag about their kids, make their kids an extension of their narcissism, push their kids to be perfect in everything. You see none of these things in parents of kids with ASDs.

The toxic parents that I know, think that natural consequences are equivalent to child abuse. So consistant consequences simply aren't happening. Based on what I see (20+ years,) this is exactly how many of these problems begin, very early on. Again, my opinion is based on many years of family observations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

I wouldn't call it toxic so much as paralyzed. For most of the parents I encounter, their child with ASD is the first child and sometimes the only child.They only know this one way of parenting. The rigidity in diet, routine, clothing, etc. It is like have a toddler for life. One parent asked me to never use the color red on the Promethean (smartboard) because her son hated it. She honestly thought it was a reasonable accommodation. This is a bigger problem for her than it is for me and I feel deeply sorry for her.

They also are parenting in a geographic area in which parenting is a competitive sport. Every parent I meet with a child with ASD insists he (or rarely she) has a high IQ. But typically, when we get the paperwork from the psychologist, the child actually has an average IQ. Currently, I have 2 students that actually do have a high IQ. Unfortunately, those two are most emotionally impaired and the least likely to live independently some day.

IQ scores are typically poor indicators of ability or intelligence in kids with ASDs. They underestimate their actual ability by quite a bit because their deficits in certain focused areas drive the overall score down. A GAI score can be a better indicator than a full scale IQ, but even that is not always a good indicator. The IQ scoring materials specifically say that these kids IQ scores have to be used "with caution" or not used at all.

You aren't really a teacher, are you? I would have thought that you would know something that basic.

Believe what you want. I have to go by the paperwork and the children's performance not some stranger on DCUM. Before IEP meetings, we talk about the child and know which of them are truly gifted vs. average but extra special to the parent. If I had a dime for every parent who cited Einstein as proof their DC with ASD was destined for greatness, I'd be able to self-fund those smaller class sizes.

It's ok for a child, even a child on the spectrum to be of average intelligence. If we can get past that hang up, we can do so much more for the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

I wouldn't call it toxic so much as paralyzed. For most of the parents I encounter, their child with ASD is the first child and sometimes the only child.They only know this one way of parenting. The rigidity in diet, routine, clothing, etc. It is like have a toddler for life. One parent asked me to never use the color red on the Promethean (smartboard) because her son hated it. She honestly thought it was a reasonable accommodation. This is a bigger problem for her than it is for me and I feel deeply sorry for her.

They also are parenting in a geographic area in which parenting is a competitive sport. Every parent I meet with a child with ASD insists he (or rarely she) has a high IQ. But typically, when we get the paperwork from the psychologist, the child actually has an average IQ. Currently, I have 2 students that actually do have a high IQ. Unfortunately, those two are most emotionally impaired and the least likely to live independently some day.

IQ scores are typically poor indicators of ability or intelligence in kids with ASDs. They underestimate their actual ability by quite a bit because their deficits in certain focused areas drive the overall score down. A GAI score can be a better indicator than a full scale IQ, but even that is not always a good indicator. The IQ scoring materials specifically say that these kids IQ scores have to be used "with caution" or not used at all.

You aren't really a teacher, are you? I would have thought that you would know something that basic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

Wow, I wish you would write some identifying information so you would be fired. Toxic? You are the one who sounds toxic.

Parents of kids with ASDs are like any other group of parents, that is to say mixed. (Though having spent time in MANY therapeutic waiting rooms with MANY such parents, I have to say that as a whole they rise to the occasion and are a pretty amazing and empathetic bunch. We have each others' backs.) It sounds like you are putting the parents under an unfair microscope, maybe because you don;t understand how difficult it is and think you could do better. Or maybe you don;t know what the hell you are doing and they don;t follow your directions, so you label them toxic. Or maybe they have shadow ASD characteristics themselves -- which is very frequently the case -- and you are too ignorant to recognize that.

I have an NT child, I have seen toxic parents. They are the ones who over schedule their kids, brag about their kids, make their kids an extension of their narcissism, push their kids to be perfect in everything. You see none of these things in parents of kids with ASDs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

I wouldn't call it toxic so much as paralyzed. For most of the parents I encounter, their child with ASD is the first child and sometimes the only child.They only know this one way of parenting. The rigidity in diet, routine, clothing, etc. It is like have a toddler for life. One parent asked me to never use the color red on the Promethean (smartboard) because her son hated it. She honestly thought it was a reasonable accommodation. This is a bigger problem for her than it is for me and I feel deeply sorry for her.

They also are parenting in a geographic area in which parenting is a competitive sport. Every parent I meet with a child with ASD insists he (or rarely she) has a high IQ. But typically, when we get the paperwork from the psychologist, the child actually has an average IQ. Currently, I have 2 students that actually do have a high IQ. Unfortunately, those two are most emotionally impaired and the least likely to live independently some day.

You are working with a specific type of autism. My high functioning autistic child or at least that is the diagnosis (I do not fully agree) is really easygoing and flexible. The only inflexibility we have is on food and he's less picky than some typical kids we know. We have no set routine - we have a basic routine but very flexible day to day, no clothing issues (he has preferences like most kids), etc.

Many of us stop at one child because the public school services except for the few good teachers and therapists, well suck. Many of us spend hundreds to thousands on private services starting at age 2 or so. You cannot imagine the financial and emotional strain on a family in less you have done it. There is no way I can work as between activities, therapies and preschool, there is no way with all the running. Your attitude is why we are going to private next year. We do have a bright kid, maybe not genius, but he needs to be challenged and stimulated and what we have seen is teachers teach to the lowest child and our kid gets bored.

Autism does not cause violence. Untreated mental health issues cause violence. This kid may have needed to be dually diagnosed. We know and see many autistic kids... not one is violent and what you might consider violent are typically the lower functioning children who cannot communicate and using alternative forms - you need to look behind the behavior and figure it out.

As for the parents I know and see every day. Well, they are far more devoted than the typical parent. Most go above and beyond. They either have flexible jobs or one has given up their career to devote to their child. We all bump into each other at the services and activities. All are very responsive and understanding of their children's needs. Of course, you have those in denial or not willing, but there is a core who go above and beyond.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

I wouldn't call it toxic so much as paralyzed. For most of the parents I encounter, their child with ASD is the first child and sometimes the only child.They only know this one way of parenting. The rigidity in diet, routine, clothing, etc. It is like have a toddler for life. One parent asked me to never use the color red on the Promethean (smartboard) because her son hated it. She honestly thought it was a reasonable accommodation. This is a bigger problem for her than it is for me and I feel deeply sorry for her.

They also are parenting in a geographic area in which parenting is a competitive sport. Every parent I meet with a child with ASD insists he (or rarely she) has a high IQ. But typically, when we get the paperwork from the psychologist, the child actually has an average IQ. Currently, I have 2 students that actually do have a high IQ. Unfortunately, those two are most emotionally impaired and the least likely to live independently some day.

Ok, so he drove a black BMW and his father's a Hollywood director. And for whatever reason, his parents didn't want an official diagnosis for their kid. I'm sure his mental health professionals had some theories, as they knew he was raging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be the most self-absorbed forum on DCUM, hands down.

I, unfortunately, have to agree. Many (NOT all) of these parents are toxic. I work with them every day. Getting them onto healthy parenting patterns, is like pulling teeth. Sorry, guys.

He looks like an entitled, spoiled brat. Who knows what kind of parenting you need to get, to become that?

There is NO link between Asperger's and violence. The media always sensationalize it. Rodger did not actually have an autism diagnosis. See the LA Times story for verification of that. http://paulacdurbinwestbyautisticblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/elliot-rodger-autism-murder.html