Living this right now, it's incredibly depressing

Another option that we've used for my grandmother is Knollwood in NW DC. You have to be a military family, though -- specifically the person who is going there has to be a retired career military officer, or the spouse, divorcee, parent, parent-in-law, child or sibling of one. If you are lucky enough to fit that description, it's a gorgeous and amazing place with subsidized rates and fantastic care. https://armydistaff.org/Knollwood

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

Its often not the same service. Many nursing homes have special medicaid wings and the care and space are very different.

What you are saying is generally illegal in ALFs, although the regs can vary by state.

I don't know if the regs are different for ALFs vs. nursing homes but several nursing homes we visited, it was very clear that here were separate wings, services were different and they only took medicaid when they could not fill their beds. It took me six months to find a medicaid bed and that was trying for hours a day for several days a week of just calling and calling different facilities. The ALF's were more willing when they thought we had the medicaid waiver but we didn't have that so it wasn't an option for us. Lots of things are illegal... does't mean they aren't done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

Its often not the same service. Many nursing homes have special medicaid wings and the care and space are very different.

What you are saying is generally illegal in ALFs, although the regs can vary by state.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

Not so. This was an assisted living community, not skilled nursing aka nursing home. There was a nursing home/skilled nursing attached to the assisted living community, with a handful of Medicaid-accepting beds. Full-pay residents had priority for those once their money ran out.

Had my mom needed skilled nursing, my plan was to move her there at full pay so that she would have priority for a Medicaid bed if necessary later. But she died before that became necessary.

Under the medicaid waiver, Assisted Living can be paid for. The problem is that their is a 5 year wait list. So, if you have a concern that someone may need it, call and get on the wait list. Wish I knew about it. They also pay for group homes and other living situations. We have heard rumors that if you are in a nursing home and can be better served in assisted living, then they may make you a priority on the waiver but we couldn't figure that out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

Not so. This was an assisted living community, not skilled nursing aka nursing home. There was a nursing home/skilled nursing attached to the assisted living community, with a handful of Medicaid-accepting beds. Full-pay residents had priority for those once their money ran out.

Had my mom needed skilled nursing, my plan was to move her there at full pay so that she would have priority for a Medicaid bed if necessary later. But she died before that became necessary.

^^^PP here. There was no "next bed." My mother had a private room. It was assisted living, not a nursing home. Therefore not covered by Medicaid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

Not so. This was an assisted living community, not skilled nursing aka nursing home. There was a nursing home/skilled nursing attached to the assisted living community, with a handful of Medicaid-accepting beds. Full-pay residents had priority for those once their money ran out.

Had my mom needed skilled nursing, my plan was to move her there at full pay so that she would have priority for a Medicaid bed if necessary later. But she died before that became necessary.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This has been a very eye-opening, not mention depressing and terrifying, thread. My parents are 76 and 69, and have saved well, but $100k a year and up!? What!?

Just for one parent. You are better off hiring caregivers if they own a home or can afford an apartment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

Its often not the same service. Many nursing homes have special medicaid wings and the care and space are very different.

Anonymous wrote:A financial planner would be a help but so would a thorough understanding of what a screwed up system it is. We paid $7K a month for my mother to share a tiny room in ASF. Fortunately she had long tern care insurance. She never did qualify for Medicaid despite having no assets, then they put her out. We cycled through several homes and when the money ran out, she died. Look into the Medicaid thing. They have a reach back of 5 years, so assets need to go into an irrevocable trust to someone else 5 years before you need a AFF. You really need someone you trust, preferable out side of the family to manage the trust.

There are two different types of medicaid. One is regular medicaid which is very difficult to get. We tried and were denied. Your income has to be very low - under $800 or so... we were barely over the income limit. Then, there is the long term care medicaid - this is just to pay for nursing homes ...that is what we are getting the nursing home paid for. They do look 5 years back BUT, if you have documentation on that the money was spend on the care, it is not a big deal. We just had to provide proof as best as we could about the money and no one gave us a hard time. Very few homes take the medicaid despite them saying they do. They will insist on you coming in private pay first (or guaranteeing payment if medicaid does not come through as you go in medicaid pending and it takes a few months to be approved). and we are having that issue with the home we are using as they just asked us to sign a guarantee for payment and we refused. If they put her out, they will have to work with APS as we do not have the space or ability to provide care.

I think there is something to be said for people who live hard and keel over at 65. At least from a societal standpoint. In fact, not too sure why we are trying to get people to eat healthy and not smoke--so they can linger on in agony and be huge burdens?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.

What's really hard about this is that the lady in the next bed qualifies for Medicaid and isn't paying anything for the same service.

A financial planner would be a help but so would a thorough understanding of what a screwed up system it is. We paid $7K a month for my mother to share a tiny room in ASF. Fortunately she had long tern care insurance. She never did qualify for Medicaid despite having no assets, then they put her out. We cycled through several homes and when the money ran out, she died. Look into the Medicaid thing. They have a reach back of 5 years, so assets need to go into an irrevocable trust to someone else 5 years before you need a AFF. You really need someone you trust, preferable out side of the family to manage the trust.

Wow. This has been a very eye-opening, not mention depressing and terrifying, thread. My parents are 76 and 69, and have saved well, but $100k a year and up!? What!?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunrise is $300/day, but I heard some directors can work with families to put two people in 1 place.

You realize that is over $100,000 a year.

My mother started out at Sunrise, in a studio/room that cost about $4500/month. As her need for help increased, so did the bill, until she was paying over $6500/month for the room plus various "a la carte" services. We had a few terrible incidents of neglect there which caused us to move her to a smaller, memory-care-specific assisted living community. There, she paid a flat monthly fee that covered everything she needed - $7950/month.

Thank goodness she saved diligently during her working life.