Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 16:01     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
So, I think that OP should get her husband to set up the basement and he should be competent to do that. BUT - I will say that, with my husband, he sometimes seems clueless about what I think are basic things. This does not mean he gets out of doing things, but it does mean that if he insists something is ambiguous, we sit down and discuss what needs to be done and then HE does it. Example: my husband is terrible at cleaning, so when I ask him to help clean up the house in preparation for his relatives coming to visit, he will say okay but then fail to wipe down counters, vacuum, put away unfolded laundry. He really does not see that as "cleaning" (which to me seems totally bizarre), but I have come to realize he really has a different perception of cleaning and if it's not old food/dirty dishes, it doesn't bug him. So, last time he was supposed to clean, I sat down with him and we went through the stuff he had to do, including wiping down counters. Sigh. It's odd, but not malicious and he is totally willing to do the work and definitely does 50% of the household work, he just has a different idea of how to do things than I do. And I listen to him too because I am also not perfect and can screw up what he thinks might be totally unambiguous requests.

Perhaps if OP does not have some sort of crazy-high standards (it's unclear why husband isn't equipped to deal with mattresses and bedding), she simply explain what to do and get him to do it.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 15:37     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.


What kind of logic is that? If your husband is incapable, and you don't want to do it, then DON'T DO IT!! It's not as though you're being the least bit rude by offering them a nice guest room with personal bathroom! If I were in this situation (I'd have said no, but if dh already said yes...) I'd have him deal with every part of it. I would not spend the money on a new bed and bedding for a one-time thing, and neither would he (but if he did, he'd be capable of buying the mattress and sheets; how can any living adult be incapable of purchasing a mattress and some sheets? Honest question, what do you think he'd come home with, a twin bed and two king sheet sets?). He'd have to arrange to get help moving everything down stairs then back up again. My dh, although capable, doesn't have a lot of extra time for this kind of thing so if he didn't want to do it I would just be honest with the inlaws: "sorry, we don't have time to move all the furniture downstairs and set up the bathroom for you."

If you were going to be a guest in somebody's home, and the hosts told you they didn't have the time to rearrange their home for you, would you be offended? I wouldn't. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they'll understand.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 14:51     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.


your husband is a grown man. He can go to the store. He can learn. If you do this, he does something for you. As the PPs said, don't be a martyr. More generally, if your husband accepts work, he does it.

Don't ignore this. When your kid is born you'll think you're better than your husband at all sorts of things. You'll probably be right, too. But if you want him to pitch in, he needs to learn. LEt him learn to start stepping up so we don't see you back on this board in 6 months talking about how your husband doesn't do anything with the baby.

That is all.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 14:46     Subject: MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:who comes to help with a newborn and is worried about noise? that is weird to me...i assume they know babies cry.


Coming to visit does not necessarily mean coming to help. Unfortunately.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 14:25     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.



I know everyone is piling on you about this and I hope you are getting the message. This mentality will just completely fuck up your marriage in the long run. You think you have to "just suck it up and do the work" now? Wait until you have kids. When there is 100x as much work and you're doing it all, you'll be pissed and resentful. And guess what? It will be a problem you created.

LET HIM FIGURE IT OUT.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 14:16     Subject: MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
And now is a really good time to buy a simple mattress for your basement and have it delivered. Then the delivery men can set it up for you. Dh can put the sheets on it, voila, privacy. I think it is a good idea for them to be down there so the crying baby won't bother them, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 13:51     Subject: MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
I kind of sense that OP wants to set up a basement the "WAY She Wants it" but, if her husband set up a basement, it won't be the way she preferred, hence OP is taking up this unnecessary project from her husband.
Well, just let him do whatever he wants to do with the basement. You will not be able to control so many things once baby arrives. Maybe, start with this one to let yourself learn that you can live with other people's choice?
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 13:27     Subject: MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Tell them there is no mattress in the basement, and therefore, no place for them to sleep and that the guest room is already ready for them. I wouldn't get the basement ready.

+1 This seems pretty basic
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 13:07     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.


Oh, FFS, stop being a martyr. He's a grown man, he can buy a mattress and make a bed.


Sorry OP but exactly what pp said. You are really making this too difficult and stop being a martyr. And if you DH is not equipped to put some furniture in a guest room then you have bigger issues to deal with.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 13:00     Subject: MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
who comes to help with a newborn and is worried about noise? that is weird to me...i assume they know babies cry.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 12:52     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.


I agree that the basement suggestion really is better for everyone involved. I don't see why you think your DH isn't capable of getting a mattress and making up a bed. And why do you even care? If it isn't comfortable, let the in-laws deal with it. To "ready" the guest bathroom you need soap, towels and shampoo -- also not exactly a big deal.

You may want to give your DH some credit on being a competent human being before your DC arrives. Otherwise, that mindset is going to come back to haunt you.


This. A million times this. The OP is going to be back on here in a few months complaining about how she has to do all the baby-related work because her husband "just isn't equipped" to do it. An adult man can set up a bed and put some sheets on it. He can put a bar of soap and a roll of TP in a bathroom. [/quote

Need more than one bar of soap - Ass Soap.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 12:49     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.


DH is in for a BIG shock when the baby arrives!
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 12:49     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP


So make him do the work for Christ's sake.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 12:48     Subject: MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Tell them there is no mattress in the basement, and therefore, no place for them to sleep and that the guest room is already ready for them. I wouldn't get the basement ready.


This. And you could have your husband tell them.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2014 12:47     Subject: Re:MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.


I agree that the basement suggestion really is better for everyone involved. I don't see why you think your DH isn't capable of getting a mattress and making up a bed. And why do you even care? If it isn't comfortable, let the in-laws deal with it. To "ready" the guest bathroom you need soap, towels and shampoo -- also not exactly a big deal.

You may want to give your DH some credit on being a competent human being before your DC arrives. Otherwise, that mindset is going to come back to haunt you.


This. A million times this. The OP is going to be back on here in a few months complaining about how she has to do all the baby-related work because her husband "just isn't equipped" to do it. An adult man can set up a bed and put some sheets on it. He can put a bar of soap and a roll of TP in a bathroom.