Anonymous wrote:In case you do check back OP, know that you and your family are in thoughts and prayers of many.

I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer when I was 11 and have just one suggestion to add to the others that have been offered. You mentioned that you are going to do letters and videos. Maybe this is part of what you are already thinking, but I would encourage you to include a lot about your own life. One of the things that still makes me sad (more than 30 years later) about losing my Dad is that I never got the chance to know him from an adult perspective. I would love to be able to ask him things about his childhood, hear about his prom or when he met my Mom, compare first job experiences, or get the real lowdown on the family tree. My Dad was an only child, his Mom died when I was a baby, and his Dad wasn't much of a talker, so the whole family history part is just sort of missing.

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of brain cancer while I was still a teen. It sucked, but I am grateful that she was straightforward about telling us the truth. I wish that she had done some of the stuff that folks have recommended here - notes for my birthday or wedding - because she didn't, and I'm always a little empty at those milestones and not being able to share with her. I think she didn't because she waited too long and then felt incapable. So be it.

But there is something she did right that I wanted to share: she kept being with me, and savoring every moment we got. I remember one day well into the 22 months of her illness/decline, she and I went out to the grocery store. I don't remember why, but what I remember is that we bought strawberries in the off season. We were a frugal family, and that wasn't a normal thing to do. But she and I sat in the car in the sunshine, and ate every single strawberry. We didn't say much, but I remember how the sun felt on my face, how peaceful it was to have her next to me, how loved I felt, how perfect those moments were even though we were in a terrible time. We never told anyone about the strawberries - my dad would have complained because they were like $5/box - but I feel like she was teaching me how to slow down and just be. I think of her every time I see strawberries, and I am so grateful that she kept teaching me lessons even in those hard days.

I am so, so sorry that you are your family are going thru this. I hope that you and your doctors will kick your cancer's ass, and that you will have a long and wonderful life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom died from lymphoma when I was 11 and my older brother from leukemia when I was 13. It will change them significantly, but they will likely be okay. Are they generally resilient? If they're not you may want to look for a therapist or group that focuses in building resiliency and optimism in children. Grief counseling will come later, but it's important to set them on the right path now while you're still around. My dad died when I was 24 to round of the loss of my family and I did surprisingly well. I had just started a graduate program a couple states away and had no support system there. The things I learned as a teen dealing with my mom and brother is the only reason I made it through that patch. I finished my masters with a 4.0. It wasn't easy and there were many times I just broke down, but I was able to get it together and go through the motions to keep things going because I knew it would eventually get easier.

What an inspiring and uplifting message. You are to be admired for making it through in spite of the tremendous loss and stress you were under.

Anonymous wrote:My mom died from lymphoma when I was 11 and my older brother from leukemia when I was 13. It will change them significantly, but they will likely be okay. Are they generally resilient? If they're not you may want to look for a therapist or group that focuses in building resiliency and optimism in children. Grief counseling will come later, but it's important to set them on the right path now while you're still around. My dad died when I was 24 to round of the loss of my family and I did surprisingly well. I had just started a graduate program a couple states away and had no support system there. The things I learned as a teen dealing with my mom and brother is the only reason I made it through that patch. I finished my masters with a 4.0. It wasn't easy and there were many times I just broke down, but I was able to get it together and go through the motions to keep things going because I knew it would eventually get easier.

Anonymous wrote:Keep the kids out of school tomorrow. Go get family photos done before chemo dramatically alters your appearance. Then go out to lunch and go do something you all enjoy. Spend an hour with each kid one on one and tell them that you are so sorry that you are sick, but that you love them and you will do everything you can to get better. Tell them that they might feel scared, sad, angry, whatever and that those are all allowed. Give them each a big hug.

In the next few days, notify teachers, activity leaders, school counselors, religious leaders, etc. who might be abme to help smooth things for your kids during a rocky time. You should also look for a family therapist. Wishing you and your family lots of peace!