Anonymous wrote:you are so right about coming clean but I am terrified he will leave me! sounds silly but It is how I feel. I am scared. It has stressed me out and pissed me off to think of it. We did have a conversation today about his use of the amex. I could totally pay off every thing very quickly if I weren't paying 4k plus every month on that damned card!
he agreed that we would both take it out of our pockets for a while. That should help. I may try to get the courage to tell him about the rest. Not sure why I feel the 100% responsibility on my shoulders because regardless what other pp.'s think, I did not rack up the debt. I just shuffled money to pay each month. mistake made. I get it. I am paying for it now.

So there is 15K of debt that is all yours. Your husband does not know about it, so presumably he did not contribute to this debt (at least knowingly). How is that not 100% your responsibility? You sound so out of touch with reality

Anonymous wrote:you are so right about coming clean but I am terrified he will leave me! sounds silly but It is how I feel. I am scared. It has stressed me out and pissed me off to think of it. We did have a conversation today about his use of the amex. I could totally pay off every thing very quickly if I weren't paying 4k plus every month on that damned card!
he agreed that we would both take it out of our pockets for a while. That should help. I may try to get the courage to tell him about the rest. Not sure why I feel the 100% responsibility on my shoulders because regardless what other pp.'s think, I did not rack up the debt. I just shuffled money to pay each month. mistake made. I get it. I am paying for it now.

OP, of COURSE you racked up this debt. You are in debt that is your fault and solely your fault (since that 15K has nothing to do with your husband) so yes, you racked up that debt. If you maybe start taking some ownership for it, you might feel better. Honestly you just sound so incredibly dishonest. I feel so bad for your husband. He probably feels guilty that you're stressed out about debt that he contributed to and is trying to make it better. Little does he know you're lying to him about your own debt. What a healthy marriage

you are so right about coming clean but I am terrified he will leave me! sounds silly but It is how I feel. I am scared. It has stressed me out and pissed me off to think of it. We did have a conversation today about his use of the amex. I could totally pay off every thing very quickly if I weren't paying 4k plus every month on that damned card!
he agreed that we would both take it out of our pockets for a while. That should help. I may try to get the courage to tell him about the rest. Not sure why I feel the 100% responsibility on my shoulders because regardless what other pp.'s think, I did not rack up the debt. I just shuffled money to pay each month. mistake made. I get it. I am paying for it now.

You and your husband need to look at money together - and it's a tool you use to better your life together. Check out one of those online money trackers. Learvest even has a paid financial planner option. Do what they tell you (which is likely pay all cards the minimum, except for the one with the highest interest rate, and pay more to that one.)

It seems that the best solution here would be to increase your income. Can you add an extra day to your workweek without changing jobs? Or pickup some babysitting work, either while you're with your kids or while they're with your DH or other relatives?

I also think you should come clean to your spouse. You made a mistake and overspent, but that isn't an unforgivable breach. And it sounds like he's at least as quick to spend, so he might be more understanding than you think. Also, you presumably gave up full time work to raise his kids and help make his life better on the home front. That means he has some responsibility for your financial needs, and as a couple, you need to be honest with each other about the fact that you can't afford to SAHM right now.