Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 00:02     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me. Our quality of life has just changed so much. We have no money to do anything fun like eat at a restaurant or take a weekend away. All our money goes to a reasonable mortgage and day care. Can't have a second kid because we can't afford 2 kids in daycare. Just depressed seeing all my other friends have more successful spouses, babies, trips, nice houses. Just depressed. I know it's pathetic and I need to be happy. But we went from a hhi of 400k to around 150k. All my expectations that we talk about, just an easier path, are poof. I sound terrible but I am just really sad. I am thankful for being able to still afford our house etc. but just so depressed. Vent over, go ahead an berate me.


Instead of nagging him to make more, why don't YOU make more. Just stop nagging unless you want your DH to get on your case for not earning more. The legal market sucks right now and you realize those plum new Big Law jobs are not suppose to last. Most associates don't make partner and wash out after a few yrs and have to get another job usually with less than Big Law pay.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:55     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...


Your vacations are crap. Your standards are low.


Luray and Baltimore are pretty bad. Both are a day trip, not a vacation.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:53     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
People with much lower HHI's have 2 kids. You sound ridiculous
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:41     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...


Your vacations are crap. Your standards are low.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:39     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...


Do your kid a favor and save for your own retirement. Poor kid will have to support your old broke ass one day.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:34     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


At least you are still saving for retirement and college.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:32     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Hi Op, I get why you are disappointed with your financial situation. It is harder to have had much more disposable income and for it to suddenly be gone. My advice would be to
Move to a less affluent area, have the second child and let the kids fund their own education. I would not let funding college deprive my child of a sibling.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:30     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - I understand how you feel. I'm sure I would feel the same. People can be so self-righteous with their comments. I think in order to move on you have to accept (even mourn) that the life you thought you would have (at least financially) is over. Then focus on moving forward with the life you have now. Definitely talk to a financial planner who can help restructure your savings and retirement goals given your new reality. I also think moving is not a bad idea- start over somewhere a lot less expensive without all the pressures inherent in living in DC. Has your husband reached out to his law school's career services office for help and advice? They might know of other opportunities both in and out of DC.


So many thrift store shoppers and coupon clippers and unwaxed women come out of the woodworks for posts like these. Martyr central.


You sound like quite the peach yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:28     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...


You should invert that NOW. Always prioritize retirement over college savings.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:21     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...


Wow. Maybe bc you are barely saving anything for retirement??
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 23:13     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:OP - I understand how you feel. I'm sure I would feel the same. People can be so self-righteous with their comments. I think in order to move on you have to accept (even mourn) that the life you thought you would have (at least financially) is over. Then focus on moving forward with the life you have now. Definitely talk to a financial planner who can help restructure your savings and retirement goals given your new reality. I also think moving is not a bad idea- start over somewhere a lot less expensive without all the pressures inherent in living in DC. Has your husband reached out to his law school's career services office for help and advice? They might know of other opportunities both in and out of DC.


So many thrift store shoppers and coupon clippers and unwaxed women come out of the woodworks for posts like these. Martyr central.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 22:45     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Can't make ends meet on 150K with only one kid? That's pretty sad, OP. You really need to look at your budget. Your mortgage isn't that high, day care costs aren't extravagant -- where is your money going?

If you want to save, move to another area.

You sound very disappointed you are not living on $400K. It's hard to downsize. We did it, and I'm OK with it. I can't change the economy, so I changed my habits. We go out to eat, we stay in and watch movies at home, we travel, not too far, not too expensive, but we get out, find free things to do. Life is short, have fun, OP.

Maybe see a financial planner, OP, so you can manage your finances better. And get a therapist to help you with your distorted view of your world. It could be much, much worse, and for many middle class families, it is. Count yourself lucky, OP.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 22:43     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
I think posters are being a bit harsh to OP. I've never been close to cracking 6 figures but I can see how going from a 400k income to 150k is a HUGE difference and definitely makes quality of life less.

Wish you well OP.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 22:42     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
OP - I understand how you feel. I'm sure I would feel the same. People can be so self-righteous with their comments. I think in order to move on you have to accept (even mourn) that the life you thought you would have (at least financially) is over. Then focus on moving forward with the life you have now. Definitely talk to a financial planner who can help restructure your savings and retirement goals given your new reality. I also think moving is not a bad idea- start over somewhere a lot less expensive without all the pressures inherent in living in DC. Has your husband reached out to his law school's career services office for help and advice? They might know of other opportunities both in and out of DC.
Anonymous
Post 04/20/2014 22:38     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
We have a slightly lower HHI and live very comfortably. We eat out often, buy comfortably and have reasonable savings. You need to look at your lifestyle choices more. No one is guaranteed a large salary. Stuff like that happens. Move on and support him.