Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just introduce her as First Name and that's it. If she says anything about it, I'm sure the kind folks if Dcum will send you armed with pithy and snappy comebacks, however those aren't my forte, sadly.

What do we think of Aunt Firstname? Does it imply we're close?

Yes. "Aunt Sara" is what my kids call my best friend, even though she's not my blood sister.

You could all her "Miss Firstname," if you don't want to go with "Mother Lastname" or "Grandma Lastname."

Good point. I do the same.

Ok, I think Grandmother First Name might be the winner. Cruella is really my favorite though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just introduce her as First Name and that's it. If she says anything about it, I'm sure the kind folks if Dcum will send you armed with pithy and snappy comebacks, however those aren't my forte, sadly.

What do we think of Aunt Firstname? Does it imply we're close?

Yes. "Aunt Sara" is what my kids call my best friend, even though she's not my blood sister.

You could all her "Miss Firstname," if you don't want to go with "Mother Lastname" or "Grandma Lastname."

Anonymous wrote:I would just introduce her as First Name and that's it. If she says anything about it, I'm sure the kind folks if Dcum will send you armed with pithy and snappy comebacks, however those aren't my forte, sadly.

What do we think of Aunt Firstname? Does it imply we're close?

I would just introduce her as First Name and that's it. If she says anything about it, I'm sure the kind folks if Dcum will send you armed with pithy and snappy comebacks, however those aren't my forte, sadly.

I vote for something painfully formal, like "Grandmother Lastname" or maybe "Grandmother FirstName". You won't even have to explain to your kids this woman is a distant, cold, relative, it will come across loud and clear.

Kids also don't spend nearly as much time thinking about this stuff as we do. And chances are low they'll spend a lot of time with this woman in the future right? So really, it doesn't matter most likely. Sorry your Dad married a B.

Anonymous wrote:Since you have such an awful relationship, have them call her Mrs. Lastname. She didn't want you in her life, so why would she want your kids to call her grandma?

Your dad was a spineless imbecile for ignoring you at his wedding to her. It's one thing for it to be an adults only affair, but to "Ban" you and keep you out of his life? He is equally responsible for that decision.

I'm glad you have a good relationship, but I wouldn't have been so forgiving. I am fiercely loyal but if someone was so disloyal to me, I would cut them out of my life. Who wants that kind of loser in their life?

+1 to this. She sounds like hell on wheels and doesn't deserve shit from you. No matter what you do though, be unfailingly polite. Don't let her drag you down to her level.

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell. I would be all like, "Mary Sue! Say hello to your grandmother!" Or whatever grandmother equivalent you know she would hate. Like my mom cannot stand families that use "Meemaw' as their word for grandma so when she ticks me off I call her Meemaw.

Yes, this! Call her something she would disapprove of. Do not call her Mrs. So n so because that was/ is *your* name and it would pain me to refer to her as so.

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow OP!!! I thought I was the only one with a spineless father with a raging bitch of a wife. I keep it civil for my kids but it truly kills me to acknowledge her as "grandma". Again therapists continue to get rich off the angst these two cause me but at 42, and with the help of Lexapro, I'm learning to let go. But it's not easy with their mind games and dramatics.

Thanks for the post and all the advice. I'd take the high road - and just know it will drive her crazy to not get a reaction from you.

OP here - isn't Lexapro the best?

We're like sisters!

Anonymous wrote:Since you have such an awful relationship, have them call her Mrs. Lastname. She didn't want you in her life, so why would she want your kids to call her grandma?

Your dad was a spineless imbecile for ignoring you at his wedding to her. It's one thing for it to be an adults only affair, but to "Ban" you and keep you out of his life? He is equally responsible for that decision.

I'm glad you have a good relationship, but I wouldn't have been so forgiving. I am fiercely loyal but if someone was so disloyal to me, I would cut them out of my life. Who wants that kind of loser in their life?

I strongly disagree. Sorrry, but I think this will come across as passive aggressive and petty, even if that's not what the OP intends. My motto in these situations is "kill them with kindness"; let your poise and graciousness speak for itself in contrast to her nastiness.

Just ask her how she wants the kids to address her, and then go with it. If she wants to be addressed as grandma and it bothers you because she was never anything approaching maternal or loving to you, compromise. Just have the kids call her "Grandma [your dad's lastname]" in acknowledgement of her role in the family as your dad's wife.

If stepmother feels disrespected by how you have your children address her, it will likely put your father in an awkward position. If you want to be respectful of your father's feelings here, an unfortunate part of that is being respectful to his wife even if you don't like the woman.

Holy cow OP!!! I thought I was the only one with a spineless father with a raging bitch of a wife. I keep it civil for my kids but it truly kills me to acknowledge her as "grandma". Again therapists continue to get rich off the angst these two cause me but at 42, and with the help of Lexapro, I'm learning to let go. But it's not easy with their mind games and dramatics.

Thanks for the post and all the advice. I'd take the high road - and just know it will drive her crazy to not get a reaction from you.

Anonymous wrote:Op I have to give you the biggest applause ever. I could never handle what you have. you have an amazing amount of grace in you.


That being said... I hope your step mothers demise is a sad, long and painful one.

Thank you. I really, really appreciate it.

Anonymous wrote:Have your kids call her "Mrs. (XXX)".

And when nobody's looking, take her out behind the wedding venue and beat the living crap out of her. It sounds like it's long overdue.

But then I would be stooping to her level. I will admit that I have been taking steps to look AMAZING at this wedding. I plan to have the perfect life on show.

Have your kids call her "Mrs. (XXX)".

And when nobody's looking, take her out behind the wedding venue and beat the living crap out of her. It sounds like it's long overdue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are travelling out to my 1/2 sister's wedding soon, where my children will meet my step mother for the first time. She is a horrible, horrible person - particularly to me. It started when she banned my presence at her wedding to my father when I was six, and has gone downhill from there. She has never wanted to acknowledge that my dad had a life, a wife and a kid before her and has taken whatever steps necessary to enforce that. I've made my peace with it, and have a great relationship with my sister and dad.

Anyhow, what the heck do I tell my kids to call her? Her first name? I usually have them call adults Mr. and Mrs. Lastname - but that also seems weird.



Thoughts?

How do you ban a 6 yr old from her parents' wedding? Your dad went along with this? THAT'S WHO YOU NEED TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH!
IJS!!!

Yes, you are correct, and I did and still do. He is absolutely to blame for a lot of it.

Still, this is the woman who wore my grandmother's jewelry to my wedding and then whispered to me that I would never get any of it.

Good Lord -- why do you even bother with these people? Honestly, I still contend you need to deal with your Dad about this, how in the world does he allow anyone to treat ANY OF HIS children in this manner. And I say this as a Step MOM!!
What does your sister say about how her mom treats you??????
Who cares what your kid call her -- you need to figure out how she is going to TREAT YOU -- from here on out!
Good Luck!

I have a few names for her...
"Granny Twatwaffle," for one.

Op I have to give you the biggest applause ever. I could never handle what you have. you have an amazing amount of grace in you.


That being said... I hope your step mothers demise is a sad, long and painful one.