I quit and don't regret it. Yes, there are financial consequences, but there is more to life than money. Kids are only little once and you never get that time back.

Anonymous wrote:The price of neglected children will far exceed the cost of living on one paycheck. OP is far wiser than most of us here. Kudos to her.

Actually, I think those of us who worked when our children were small and who have seen them grow up to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted people who have loving relationships with their parents are able to assess the long-term relative costs of being a WOHM better than OP is. IOW, you might say *we* are wiser. That doesn't mean we will all agree, of course, but our experience is certainly relevant to the conversation. What experience are you bringing to the table?

Anonymous wrote:Can't you take a leave of absence from a government job?

From a Fed job? No. Teachers used to be able to take a 2 year LOA in MCPS for maternity (and I think in many counties), I don't know if that is still the same. But nothing in Feds. It's DC, OP, so everybody will tell you to lean in. I know SAHMs who went back to work and they are retiring at 66 rather than 60, but so what? Also, can't you go back to work in private industry? The Fed sector is a pain because it's hard to get in so people hesitate to get out, but I've been in and out so it's possible.

Anonymous wrote:I played this exact game for 4 years. Paid the nanny, commuting expenses, dry cleaning, etc... and felt I had nothing left at the end of the month. DH's salary covered all of our set living expenses, so I felt I could quit and we'd be alright.

My dad talked me into taking the long view of my job and I'm so glad he did. Now, all the kids are in school and my take home has increased a bit (still have to pay for SACC and summer camps). However, when I look at what my TSP did last year, I'm grateful that I stuck it out. My take-home pay may never be exactly what I want it to be (kids expenses are different every year but there is always something). But, for every year after this, I'll be glad I have that retirement waiting at the end.

+1

Can't you take a leave of absence from a government job?

I played this exact game for 4 years. Paid the nanny, commuting expenses, dry cleaning, etc... and felt I had nothing left at the end of the month. DH's salary covered all of our set living expenses, so I felt I could quit and we'd be alright.

My dad talked me into taking the long view of my job and I'm so glad he did. Now, all the kids are in school and my take home has increased a bit (still have to pay for SACC and summer camps). However, when I look at what my TSP did last year, I'm grateful that I stuck it out. My take-home pay may never be exactly what I want it to be (kids expenses are different every year but there is always something). But, for every year after this, I'll be glad I have that retirement waiting at the end.

OP, quit, and tell us what agency you work for so that when they hire your replacement, I can take your job.

OP,

When i read your title i thought you were going to the private sector to make more money. i left the private sector a while before having kids b/c i realized i would not even meet anyone in dc w/ the hours i worked. i currently have a govt position and fortunately the agency has adopted a very generous telework policy. but even before it did, i was lucky to work in a group that allowed it at least 1x/wk.

i was able to do it w/ my first and plan to do so when #2 is born later this month. [I stopped teleworking after i weaned from pumping and also b/c i work directly for our division director (requires more in person meetings, etc.).]

i sympathize w/ your sitn. it must be really tough w/ a toddler and 8 month old twins. i would seriously try to see if there are other positions elsewhere w/n your agency that permit more family/life balance. if not, maybe try to transfer to another agency that does. also, my dh stepped in a lot w/ the cooking as my job is actually more demanding than his, and he's actually pickier and eats way more than me (so any time i would cook it would be gone the next day--e.g., whole pan of homemade lasagna gone after dinner and lunch the next day).

even so, we have a nanny, and it costs a lot. however, my dd loves her and we feel this has worked for us. plus, i am very conservative and would never quit unless absolutely necessary b/c i want to be able to contribute to our family's long term financial security.

hang in there. best of luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to telework? That might free up more time to see your kids (instead of commuting).

I too have a fed job and am thinking of giving it up. It's soooo inflexible. I MUST work 8:30-5 (get dinged if I come in at 8), can't telework and I just got told that I can't take Easter week off to visit family because ONE other person is off during that time. Just not family friendly at all.

This is my situation also. Many fed jobs are completely inflexible. OP, maybe you could go part time? The most important thing is what your spouse thinks, not what DCUM thinks.

This is my situation, too. I honestly have my "dream job" -- doesn't pay a fortune, but pays quite well and has a lot of cool benefits, is intellectually challenging, etc. But the commute and the hours suck -- the forced "45 minute lunch break" is the worst part. I end up spending almost 9-hour days at work, plus over 2 hours total commuting each day... I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep it up, and am also considering becoming a SAHM. I know it's not the best long-term solution, but I'm just so exhausted and our household is so chaotic.

How old are your children, PP?

I just have one, and he's 9 months old.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are in good hands and not neglected in any way. Although of course I feel that they would be better off with me at home. I have two little babies and do wish I could see them more, there are days when I only see them for an hour or less. My job will not let me telecommute, I have asked many times and they don't let anyone do it. My husband is fine with whatever decision I make and has a secure job. I do think he would prefer it if I stayed home in order for all of us to eat a little bit better and avoid my long commute. I worry about giving up the career that I went to school for so many years to have plus the 6 years that I have worked my butt off to get two promotions. I will make a decision soon, I do appreciate everyone taking the time to share your thoughts

You are a good mother who sees your kids as more than just accessories or life "check marks".

Don't let materialism, popular culture, or bitter hags stop you from doing what you know is right.

What about your pension and TSP/401k match?

My current fed job is pretty inflexible, doesn't even let me use flex time or telework, even though my agency is supposed to be on board with both options. I may just go back to my former agency.

I don't know OP, one of your kids is already 3, so in less than 2 years that expense will go down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to telework? That might free up more time to see your kids (instead of commuting).

I too have a fed job and am thinking of giving it up. It's soooo inflexible. I MUST work 8:30-5 (get dinged if I come in at 8), can't telework and I just got told that I can't take Easter week off to visit family because ONE other person is off during that time. Just not family friendly at all.

This is my situation also. Many fed jobs are completely inflexible. OP, maybe you could go part time? The most important thing is what your spouse thinks, not what DCUM thinks.

This is my situation, too. I honestly have my "dream job" -- doesn't pay a fortune, but pays quite well and has a lot of cool benefits, is intellectually challenging, etc. But the commute and the hours suck -- the forced "45 minute lunch break" is the worst part. I end up spending almost 9-hour days at work, plus over 2 hours total commuting each day... I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep it up, and am also considering becoming a SAHM. I know it's not the best long-term solution, but I'm just so exhausted and our household is so chaotic.

Not pp but I'm glad others feel this way. I put in long hours at my fed job but it's just soooo inflexible. Can't use my annual leave how I want it. We moved close to our jobs but then our jobs just keep moving so our commutes grow. I can't stand taking a lunch break either. Ugh

OP here, children are in good hands and not neglected in any way. Although of course I feel that they would be better off with me at home. I have two little babies and do wish I could see them more, there are days when I only see them for an hour or less. My job will not let me telecommute, I have asked many times and they don't let anyone do it. My husband is fine with whatever decision I make and has a secure job. I do think he would prefer it if I stayed home in order for all of us to eat a little bit better and avoid my long commute. I worry about giving up the career that I went to school for so many years to have plus the 6 years that I have worked my butt off to get two promotions. I will make a decision soon, I do appreciate everyone taking the time to share your thoughts

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The price of neglected children will far exceed the cost of living on one paycheck. OP is far wiser than most of us here. Kudos to her.

I hardly think kids who have appropriate childcare count as neglected, but of course someone wants to start a mommy war.

Appropriate? I don't suppose you'd care to clarify what you mean by that? A few diaper changes and some food?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to telework? That might free up more time to see your kids (instead of commuting).

I too have a fed job and am thinking of giving it up. It's soooo inflexible. I MUST work 8:30-5 (get dinged if I come in at 8), can't telework and I just got told that I can't take Easter week off to visit family because ONE other person is off during that time. Just not family friendly at all.

This is my situation also. Many fed jobs are completely inflexible. OP, maybe you could go part time? The most important thing is what your spouse thinks, not what DCUM thinks.

This is my situation, too. I honestly have my "dream job" -- doesn't pay a fortune, but pays quite well and has a lot of cool benefits, is intellectually challenging, etc. But the commute and the hours suck -- the forced "45 minute lunch break" is the worst part. I end up spending almost 9-hour days at work, plus over 2 hours total commuting each day... I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep it up, and am also considering becoming a SAHM. I know it's not the best long-term solution, but I'm just so exhausted and our household is so chaotic.

How old are your children, PP?