Anonymous
Post 04/08/2014 13:37     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Also, I DOUBT that her DH is petrified of his father. He probably does not welcome conflict with his dad, but that is FAR different than petrified.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2014 13:36     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
FIL will not adhere to your methods of discipline, then you should not send DS over there. Plain and simple. Whether anyone agrees with spanking or or not, do not send your kid any place that your wishes will not be respected.

Signed, mother of 4 who is not anit-swatting.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2014 13:25     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:A swat is no big deal. The child will finally learn discipline. Go FIL way to stand your ground. I'd hit any kid who came to my house if I felt they needed it.


Joel Steinberg, is that you?
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2014 13:23     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:FIL and his wife want our preschooler to come spend a weekend with them. Great, no problem, kid loves them. I was talking to FIL and telling him a little about our son and how he may need to do some timeouts if son gets a little nuts. FIL says "oh, I'll just give him a little swat, that always makes them pay attention!". I said no, that's not ok, we don't hit our son or use spanking as a punishment. FIL says "my house, my rules!". I got off the phone quickly. I'm inclined to not send my son now. I don't want to retaliate with "my kid, my rules", as that sounds kind of petty (even if it's what we mean) but I'm also just not comfortable sending our son into a situation like that.

What am I missing here? Is there any reason to not pull the plug?


Ugh, he's an a$$hole. Tell him if he hits your child you'll call the cops and have him charged with assault.

Otherwise, as other posters have said, don't send him. Stop thinking you have to send him there. And DH has issues if he's still afraid of his daddy.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2014 13:02     Subject: Re:FIL not cool with our spanking rules
I would respect FIL's house rules but not send the kids there. Tell FIL that your rules apply in your house and if he wants to see the grandkids, he can see them at your house.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2014 13:00     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:OP, it is rare to have such unanimous agreement on DCUM. Take note.


++ Don't send him. Your DH is an adult now and should not be 'petrified' of his parent(s) at this point. Maybe there was a lot more than 'swatting' going on kwim.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 23:03     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:"And to repeat…FIL has made his position clear. And, he could agree then lie about it."

A "petrified" husband is enough evidence for me to make an informed decision in this matter. Goes for MIL, as well.


A 'petrified' husband needs to go into therapy and start being a grownup. I'm not saying his trauma wasn't real or valid. I'm saying it's affecting his family now, and it's his responsibility to fix it. And I would not send my kids to FIL either.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 21:20     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:"And to repeat…FIL has made his position clear. And, he could agree then lie about it."

A "petrified" husband is enough evidence for me to make an informed decision in this matter. Goes for MIL, as well.


I'm surprised everyone so far has been way too polite about this FIL and not called it out for what it is: child abuse--as proven by the fact that OP's husband is "petrified" of the old fart. That tells you all anyone needs to know. Old dude is a child abuser who can't be trusted. Probably beats up on grandma too.

Fuck the old man, people like that make me angry, people like your husband make me angry too, he is not willing to stand up for his son's safety.

Beyond that it sounds like you need family counseling because there is a deep well of shit in your husband's past that you don't seem to have been made aware of. That family has some skeltons rattling around in the closet and I'll be they are very ugly.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 21:18     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
I think you have all the evidence you need to never send your child to your ILs house unsupervised, ever.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 21:14     Subject: Re:FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Tell your stupid father in law if he touches the kid you will personally come over there and kick your FiL's ass yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 20:23     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:"I'm also just not comfortable sending our son into a situation like that."

Don't send him where he will get swatted. Problem solved.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 19:58     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
"And to repeat…FIL has made his position clear. And, he could agree then lie about it."

A "petrified" husband is enough evidence for me to make an informed decision in this matter. Goes for MIL, as well.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 19:53     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A swat is no big deal. The child will finally learn discipline. Go FIL way to stand your ground. I'd hit any kid who came to my house if I felt they needed it.


Trash.

And if my child wouldn't let me see my grandchild I would beat my child into submission no matter how old they are. My kid would know not to f with me. I own you for LIFE


Trash headed for prison.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 19:43     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:A swat is no big deal. The child will finally learn discipline. Go FIL way to stand your ground. I'd hit any kid who came to my house if I felt they needed it.


NP here and in agreement with everyone else except above PP. Because, PP above, we don't know how FIL defines "swat."

And to repeat…FIL has made his position clear. And, he could agree then lie about it.

I've got older kids now, and with one exception, I've never had to hit my kids. Honestly, in that one case, I was out of control and my DH told me so. My DH started off pro-swatting, before we had a talk and I said this: "If you teach DC1 to hit, DC1 will hit DC2"

BTW my kids are in line; not bratty kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2014 19:40     Subject: FIL not cool with our spanking rules
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A swat is no big deal. The child will finally learn discipline. Go FIL way to stand your ground. I'd hit any kid who came to my house if I felt they needed it.


Trash.

And if my child wouldn't let me see my grandchild I would beat my child into submission no matter how old they are. My kid would know not to f with me. I own you for LIFE