Anonymous
04/08/2014 10:41
Subject: My boyfriend is dying
OP here. We live in Atlanta. He is planning to move home to NH. It would be very difficult for me to move there, as I own a business. I can't move my business.
I'm not trying to make him feel conflicted. I haven't said one thing to him about it other than, "I support you."
Honestly-I'm getting really fed up with all of the people on this board who insist that because we aren't married he is attempting to get away from me, that perhaps he is using this as an excuse to leave me or that he doesn't really love me. What a shitty thing to suggest. It's not like that at all.
I am not in a place (financially) to care for him full-time. He told me there is no way he would allow me to risk my future to do that. I built my business with his guidance and support.
I will visit him as often as I possibly can.
I'm not trying to make him feel conflicted. I haven't said one thing to him about it other than, "I support you."
Honestly-I'm getting really fed up with all of the people on this board who insist that because we aren't married he is attempting to get away from me, that perhaps he is using this as an excuse to leave me or that he doesn't really love me. What a shitty thing to suggest. It's not like that at all.
I am not in a place (financially) to care for him full-time. He told me there is no way he would allow me to risk my future to do that. I built my business with his guidance and support.
I will visit him as often as I possibly can.
Anonymous
04/08/2014 09:17
Subject: Re:My boyfriend is dying
OP, could you possibly move with him to where his parents live? You can rent a place nearby and come visit.
Anonymous
04/08/2014 07:31
Subject: My boyfriend is dying
You are not married and you have no kids.
There's 50 ways to leave a lover. Or non in your case
Get on with your life. He has given you the pass
To move on. You can stay in touch if you want.
Let him go home to die. He's not your husband.
Get out. Get healthy. Meet someone who will
Share life with you. Life that you partner had
Told you he no longer has to share.
Listen and learn. Get living or get dieing. You
Need to do the first.
There's 50 ways to leave a lover. Or non in your case
Get on with your life. He has given you the pass
To move on. You can stay in touch if you want.
Let him go home to die. He's not your husband.
Get out. Get healthy. Meet someone who will
Share life with you. Life that you partner had
Told you he no longer has to share.
Listen and learn. Get living or get dieing. You
Need to do the first.
Anonymous
04/07/2014 23:31
Subject: My boyfriend is dying
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:RHinVA wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can guarantee you I'm not in it for the life insurance. You are a true asshat and I sincerely hope this never happens to you. What an odd thing to suggest.
Thank you to everyone else for posting.
15:59-thank you for posting these links. This is very helpful.
I know this is an anonymous board but you all have made me feel better.
Op, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I was facebook friends with a lady who died of colon cancer. She posted through her journey and then her husband posted after she couldn't. I don't know if you're religious at all but that is one route to peace that you might explore.
Here's a link I found for grief support groups - http://www.griefshare.org/ - also maybe on meetup.com you could find others in your situation? It seems like it should be so easy to find a group of spouses/SOs of the dying.
I'm not sure from your post how much time your boyfriend has left. If it's very short, like less than a year, I think it would be very hard for you to say goodbye now and try to move on before he has passed. If it's several years, maybe he's right? I don't know.
I just know that you should tell him that your time with him wasn't wasted, that every day in this life is a gift for each of us to do with as we choose. Your time with him was special and shaped who you are and made you a better person as love always does. You're better for knowing and loving him than you would have been without. I don't mean to sound hokey, but "you could have missed the pain, but you would have missed the dance." Love always ends, and never when we want it to, but I believe we're always better for having truly loved someone. And that couldn't have happened with just anyone, it happened with him, and he should be proud of having given you that gift of love.
Thank you so much for writing that PP. I'm so raw right now and this is exactly what I want to say to him.
You bring up another side to this. We don't know how long he has. He told me that he feels he doesn't have much longer.
The thought of moving on if he only has a little time left would be impossible. I want to be with him through it.
I never imagined I would be 32 and facing something like this.
You are awfully young to have to go through this. It's not fair but life rarely is. Stay strong, but let yourself cry. Also, have you read books by Elisabeth kubler Ross? She is the expert on the stages of grief.
--RH
I haven't heard of her. Will try to pick it up at the library tomorrow.
I've been reading "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion.
She writes about her life in the year after her husband died.
Knowing that I'm not the only person to have gone through this helps.