The friend zone seems more comfortable for women than for men.

This thread is interesting to me. In my experience, it is absolutely possible for male-female friendships to exist in a completely platonic sense. I've had lots of male friends and I've experienced no attraction or temptation - I can't say if they did, but if they did then they didn't show it, and those friendships have been pretty easy.

Even in cases where there is sexual attraction between male and female friends, it can completely be managed if you are both mature, responsible, ethical adults. I'm a loyal girlfriend in a long-term, happy, loving relationship with a man who is perfect for me and is a great boyfriend. I'm very happy with him and don't want anything else.

One of my dearest friends is a male friend of mine from college. He's "my type" (part of the reason we became friends is because we had so much in common) and we have clear sexual chemistry, but he's in a long-term relationship with a girl he loves, just like I am. And while we flirt occasionally, we've known each other for years and we KNOW that we are never going to do anything. Like, we ABSOLUTELY know that. Our partners trust us, and we trust each other not to overstep that boundary.

So if you are both mature individuals who know how to be loyal to your partners and don't think with your penis/vagina, then even flirty friendships won't be a problem.

OP here. I decided to e-mail him. I think as long as we define our relationship as a friendship from the start then I will be fine. Communication is key and I will address it early on. I am so lonely in DC. I feel like I am crazy to turn down a friendship right now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. With all of this talk about age, are you saying that perhaps a man in his 40's may actually have a platonic relationship with a woman? I ask because I am trying to figure out if my 40-something friend sees me as a platonic friend or an emotional affair. No, we do not go places together much but see each other several times a week in the course of events and talk every day.

43 DH here. If you're not going places together or even making overt attempts to see him, I don't think it qualifies. However, if you're calling each other a couple times a day to chat, it may be headed down that path. I don't think its cheating yet but it can be a slippery slope, depending on what kind of emotional relationship the two of you develop. Does that make any sense? If this 40ish guy is married, he may be getting a bit of a thrill hanging out and chatting with a younger, attractive woman. And that in and of itself is not necessarily bad, especially if you work together and have other "office friends" around.

But in the OP's case, she has a BF who lives out of town and she is considering developing a non-sexual relationship to meet emotional needs her BF cannot provide because he's not around. Maybe I'm splitting hairs but there's a difference between the two for me.

Who said the guy was 40?! He's definitely in his 20s.

Read much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Opposite sex friends aren't "friends," they're "options."

I'm a man. My "friendship" bucket has always been full to overflowing - generally with my guy friends. The "sex" bucket is the one that seems to chronically low. I don't think I ever befriended a woman that I would have been unhappy having sex with.

BS. I'm a man. I have always preferred the company of women to that of men, and my friendships have reflected that. Friendship and attraction are two different things, and men aren't all just a bunch of walking penises looking for a place to burrow in...

Not all. But most.

Especially if we're talking about two single people one of whom has a long-distance BF she didn't mention to the other guy.

Ok. Big generalization alert

If a guy is in his 20's, sure he can be friends with a woman. But if pvssy ends up on the table, he is going to take it.

Anonymous wrote:Opposite sex friends aren't "friends," they're "options."

I'm a man. My "friendship" bucket has always been full to overflowing - generally with my guy friends. The "sex" bucket is the one that seems to chronically low. I don't think I ever befriended a woman that I would have been unhappy having sex with.

BS. I'm a man. I have always preferred the company of women to that of men, and my friendships have reflected that. Friendship and attraction are two different things, and men aren't all just a bunch of walking penises looking for a place to burrow in...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. With all of this talk about age, are you saying that perhaps a man in his 40's may actually have a platonic relationship with a woman? I ask because I am trying to figure out if my 40-something friend sees me as a platonic friend or an emotional affair. No, we do not go places together much but see each other several times a week in the course of events and talk every day.

43 DH here. If you're not going places together or even making overt attempts to see him, I don't think it qualifies. However, if you're calling each other a couple times a day to chat, it may be headed down that path. I don't think its cheating yet but it can be a slippery slope, depending on what kind of emotional relationship the two of you develop. Does that make any sense? If this 40ish guy is married, he may be getting a bit of a thrill hanging out and chatting with a younger, attractive woman. And that in and of itself is not necessarily bad, especially if you work together and have other "office friends" around.

But in the OP's case, she has a BF who lives out of town and she is considering developing a non-sexual relationship to meet emotional needs her BF cannot provide because he's not around. Maybe I'm splitting hairs but there's a difference between the two for me.

Who said the guy was 40?! He's definitely in his 20s.

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. With all of this talk about age, are you saying that perhaps a man in his 40's may actually have a platonic relationship with a woman? I ask because I am trying to figure out if my 40-something friend sees me as a platonic friend or an emotional affair. No, we do not go places together much but see each other several times a week in the course of events and talk every day.

43 DH here. If you're not going places together or even making overt attempts to see him, I don't think it qualifies. However, if you're calling each other a couple times a day to chat, it may be headed down that path. I don't think its cheating yet but it can be a slippery slope, depending on what kind of emotional relationship the two of you develop. Does that make any sense? If this 40ish guy is married, he may be getting a bit of a thrill hanging out and chatting with a younger, attractive woman. And that in and of itself is not necessarily bad, especially if you work together and have other "office friends" around.

But in the OP's case, she has a BF who lives out of town and she is considering developing a non-sexual relationship to meet emotional needs her BF cannot provide because he's not around. Maybe I'm splitting hairs but there's a difference between the two for me.

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is fucked up. I date men and women, if I didn't befriend people of the gender I date I wouldn't have any friends! For everyone saying that talking about your hopes/dreams, fears etc is an emotional affair--that is the stuff I talk to my best girl friends about, is it only an emotional affair if it's someone of the opposite gender?

Agreed. I'm straight, but the thought I had while reading these posts is, so what are bisexual people supposed to do? Not have any friends *at all* if they are in a relationship? That seems ridiculous to me.

I don't think anything is an affair UNLESS there is a mutual attraction. Even if two people don't act on that attraction, if it is there, then the relationship is bordering on something more than friendship. That is what I call an emotional affair.

But you can spend time with a person, talk, enjoy each other's company and have absolutely no desire to have an intimate physical relationship with the person. It's called friendship. And I think it's possible for a woman with a boyfriend to have a friendship with another guy.

The only caveat I would add is that I do think that if the guy was hitting on OP, then that's a different story. It's difficult to have a purely platonic friendship when someone from the outset clearly is interested in more.

Anonymous wrote:My dad hardly ever gave me advice in my life. He wanted us to figure things out ourselves. So I will never forget when he told me, "guys don't ever just want to be friends.". I'm 35 now, and so far he's been right.

Yup