Also one of the benefits of continuing to work even if you aren't making your career your top priority right now is you are keeping one foot in the game. At some point, when you feel your kids need less of your time, or for whatever reason, you may decide you are ready to ramp up your commitment level at work again, and you will be in a much better position to do this than if you were a SAHM that has been out of the workplace for some time. You will have contacts in place, and a current, up to date resume, and your position as a current federal government employee will put you first in line for other opportunities in the government. Also, right now you are probably making low six figures for a mostly 9-5 job. This is an enviable position to be in! So many people would kill for a job like that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think we just have to accept that our priorities lie elsewhere. It's your (and my) pride that is making you feel like ashamed. Reprogram your inner voice.

OP here. Thanks for all of the helpful comments. This one is spot on and very thought provoking. Thank you!

This one is so spot on. OP, I'm right there with you. You sound like you're doing great work, and that it's more a perspective shift than anything. I have a PhD, am wrapping up a postdoc, and despite having several good offers am just not interested in ramping up my career right now. My kids are 2.5y and 5mo, and we'd like to have a third sooner rather than later. Part of me has been feeling like a total failure for not going after a tenure-track position (despite the fact that I have NO interest in the grant-funded craziness that is academic science); it's a hard habit to break. I recently had a manuscript accepted for publication and bragged about it on FB (hey, why not?) and folks were so congratulatory and sweet. And I thought, you know, this *is* an accomplishment, even if it's not going to Nature or Science.

Live the life that's right for you. The folks I know who are above average in their careers spend much less time with their kids than I'd want, or don't see their friends as often as I'd like, or don't work out as much as I'd want, etc. Those lives are right for them, and this life is right for me. There are so many ways to live a good life, you know?

Good luck--you're not alone, as this thread can attest to!

Anonymous wrote:"I do think that being a lawyer in DC could be part of it -- there are so many smart, capable people here that its tough not to feel mediocre at times."

No kidding. Did you see the Bethesda Magazine Supermom article thread on General Parenting? Posters were criticizing her for not truly being successful because she was only a partner at a "second-tier" biglaw firm. That is such a warped point of view.

Four kids? Yup, and she got home at 7:00 at night ...

"I do think that being a lawyer in DC could be part of it -- there are so many smart, capable people here that its tough not to feel mediocre at times."

No kidding. Did you see the Bethesda Magazine Supermom article thread on General Parenting? Posters were criticizing her for not truly being successful because she was only a partner at a "second-tier" biglaw firm. That is such a warped point of view.

This is me, except I'm not a lawyer. I have decent job now that allows for a lot of flexibility but lately I've been feeling like it's time to cut my losses because I've peaked out and should just leave on a high note. DH has a good job so we could survive fine on his salary and provide for DC well enough. Maybe the answer is to downsize our lives more, live in a cheaper place, find ways to cut back without being uncomfortable. The job provides a good set up but I feel like I could be doing more with my life. Like, if I had only a year left to live, this would be a big waste of my precious time. I really do only work for money.

I am of the mindset that if you have a happy family life and are a great mom and have a good relationship with your husband, then you are above average. If you can go to a job that is interesting and fulfilling for you - even better. But you don't have to be a superstar.

Anonymous wrote:It is called "work" for a reason. It isn't meant to be fun. 90 percent of the population don't enjoy their job.

I don't hate my job, but I do hate my boss, especially since he's making more money than I am yet knows much less.

Peter Principle . . .

It's nice to hear so much honesty here!! OP, I can TOTALLY relate to how you are feeling. I am an attorney at a boutique law firm, and for the most part I feel like I am totally average at my job. I'm not the worst but I'm certainly not the best. I also lack passion for what I do. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my first so I am totally phoning it in. I'm not terrible at what I do, I'm just not the office superstar.

I do think that being a lawyer in DC could be part of it -- there are so many smart, capable people here that its tough not to feel mediocre at times.

I am the previous poster. I have one child and she is my focus. My job isn't particularly challenging but I love the people and the fact that I have social contact each day and a set schedule. I also get my noon workout in and may make it to the bank or the post office. I've been in my field for years and am just sort of coasting, but at this stage in my life, I am happy to have the opportunity. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I do enjoy my field though.

I think this is normal??

Anonymous wrote:"So now I just look for the best-paying job with non-insane people I can find and don't worry about the rest."

I'm with you here!

+1. I am not an attorney. I am a law librarian. I think you sound normal. I worked in an insane federal library with an insane manager. My stomach was in knots all day, everyday and on weekends. Now, I work in a normal place with decent, good folks who are not crazy. I thank god everyday for them and for the gift of not being in emotional turmoil each day over my work. I totally agree with the non-insane part esp. in government (Are there insane people other places too? )

OP - You said you didn't have a passion for your job. Is it a lack of a passion for the law or the subject matter? I am fed attorney and very satisfied with my job because the subject matter interests me. I could not see myself doing tax law or estates. Nothing wrong with those areas, it's just not for me. Maybe you should branch out into another area of the law - not into another field and you may feel some more satisfaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people who are very successful and rich, compensate being average or below average, by being incredibly lucky!

Have u tried that?

I disagree mostly because I don't believe in luck. Most average people (not the top 25% for being brilliant, innovative, or insanely efficient/hard working) who are very successful (power, influence, and/or money) are really great with relationships. They are people people, sales people, good friends, and good listeners. They are good with names and they always follow up. They might not always have the best idea or do the most work, but their the person who people think of for new and interesting assignments because people like spending time with them.

I disagree. Sometimes a lucky break of being at the right place at the right time, changes the trajectory of the career of very average or below average people. Sometimes it is networking (old boys club) that gets you ahead. The biggest example of less than average person with an impressive resume was George W Bush.

I see tons of smart, overqualified and hard working people - in mediocre careers. Where a person reaches in life has nothing to do with how above average they are but how luck favors them. We try and hedge our bets with the best private education, best college, most sought after degrees. And then at work, we keep looking at the person who is our boss and marveling at how inept and inefficient they are.

Just because Bush is bad at public speaking doesn't make home below average. I think all modern presidents are clearly at least one std deviation above normal intelligence. As for good schools, the network only gets you in the door; drive, determination, and passion are how you get ahead.

To me, it has always been about how much I want "it," whatever "it" is.

Pep talk. No one will ever look out for you like you will. Believe in yourself and make "it" happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people who are very successful and rich, compensate being average or below average, by being incredibly lucky!

Have u tried that?

I disagree mostly because I don't believe in luck. Most average people (not the top 25% for being brilliant, innovative, or insanely efficient/hard working) who are very successful (power, influence, and/or money) are really great with relationships. They are people people, sales people, good friends, and good listeners. They are good with names and they always follow up. They might not always have the best idea or do the most work, but their the person who people think of for new and interesting assignments because people like spending time with them.

I disagree. Sometimes a lucky break of being at the right place at the right time, changes the trajectory of the career of very average or below average people. Sometimes it is networking (old boys club) that gets you ahead. The biggest example of less than average person with an impressive resume was George W Bush.

I see tons of smart, overqualified and hard working people - in mediocre careers. Where a person reaches in life has nothing to do with how above average they are but how luck favors them. We try and hedge our bets with the best private education, best college, most sought after degrees. And then at work, we keep looking at the person who is our boss and marveling at how inept and inefficient they are.

I am very below average career wise. It's somewhat depressing to me, but part of me doesn't care. I went to a top private school, top college, good law school, then got a master's degree as well, and in my 20s I started out doing well but then I was underemployed, going from job to job and never staying in any job more than 2 years. I can't think of a single job I've had that I've really liked, though I enjoy my field. I resigned from my last job to be a SAHM. I feel like I am a failure career wise, that I chose the wrong career. I was so ambitious in my early and mid 20s and then rejection after rejection career wise chipped away at my self confidence until there was none left.