^^^

Luckily I am the first wife.

OP, you are a better woman than I am. I could not stand such a close relationship with my husbands ex. Even if money were no issue, this would be too much closeness for me.

OP, I would let DH float the idea. Keep the initial conversation simple: "We love that all of our kids are close. We value that relationship more that we can say. I know (oldest child) has really enjoyed her time at ABC school and (your 4-year-old) is excited to go there, too. Obviously, any decision regarding schooling is up toyou, but if you and Spouse think ABC school would be a good fit for (her 4-year-old), we want you to know that we would gladly pay for one more tuition in order to keep the kids together. Let's get dinner some time and you can let us know if that's something you'd consider."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Member of a blended family here - I can't think of too many cons for your situation if you are certain the funds exist. I think you married a good guy.

She apparently married a rich one as well.

There are a lot more wealthy people who don't spend a dime on others than generous wealthy people trust me. This is a good and rare situation.

Anonymous wrote:Member of a blended family here - I can't think of too many cons for your situation if you are certain the funds exist. I think you married a good guy.

She apparently married a rich one as well.

Im stunned at the positivity on this thread. These are lucky kids to have so many sane, rational adults concerned for them. Some kids don't even have one decent parent and these kids have four!
Having said that, these are the only issues I can think of:
by paying for the school, will the parents feel that you get more say in how the kid does academically (thinking more in middle or high school), if the kid flunks out but you all paid the 35k in tuition, is that going to be very awkward?
second, if it turns out that the kid really needs to be in a different school (but also private/expensive) due to learning issues etc...would you all also pay for that. Would kids parents feel forced to keep kid in a school that isn't the right fit just so you all pay tuition?
I know these are far fetched but spend some time on the school forums, and holy cow, the obsession to find the perfect school is astounding! But again, kudos to you and your co parents for even thinking of this. Agree with a PP that maybe its best to broach this just from your husband to his ex only to get a feel for the reaction.

Anonymous wrote: I think you married a good guy.


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Yes, awesome! You all sound really healthy and I don't think I've ever written that on this website.

The only other suggestion is perhaps split costs if they don't want you guys paying for everything? I don't know their financial situation, but maybe they would feel better contributing something. Like you pay $25,000 and they pay $10,000 each year? It all depends on their personalities, too. But good luck with whatever you decide.

I think you married a good guy.


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OP here. I like the idea about paying for ABC school and then setting up a trust for beyond so they have some more freedom/control. To answer some ?'s: Ex turned down alimony because she has a career and was fine with child support only. And yes we all go on vacations...think cruise/resort settings where every nuclear family has sufficient space and we do our own thing during the day and meet for dinner. As far as half siblings in the same grade going to the same school I think that is fine to be honest, each grade has 3 different classrooms so they won't be on top of each other or anything.

Wait, you take this child on vacation with you?!? Do his parents come too?!?

Anonymous wrote:I pay tuition for my ex boyfriend's daughter. She is in 3rd grade now and I will pay all the way through college. She came out of a 2 night stand and her mother is a tweaked out prostitute. At the end of last year she couldn't write her full name and couldn't read. Her dad's new girlfriend hates me and that I do it, but it is a better option than the school she was in. Sometimes you look at what is best for the child and hope the rest works out.

All around messed up situation.

To the OP, why did the ex wife turn down the alimony?

I pay tuition for my ex boyfriend's daughter. She is in 3rd grade now and I will pay all the way through college. She came out of a 2 night stand and her mother is a tweaked out prostitute. At the end of last year she couldn't write her full name and couldn't read. Her dad's new girlfriend hates me and that I do it, but it is a better option than the school she was in. Sometimes you look at what is best for the child and hope the rest works out.

Agree that it sounds wonderful. I am an ex and would be very touched by the offer.

If you think ex's DH might be offended by the offer, I would have your DH suggest it to his ex before doing the meeting with all four of you. Give her husband time to mull it over before you all meet together.

However it works out, kudos to all of you for blending the families in a positive way. And, yes, your DH sounds like a nice man, but you sound like a pretty terrific, sane and secure woman, too. Lots of second wives might not be as giving as you in this situation.

Is be careful with saying that it's for the benefit of your daughter because she might wonder if you'll stop paying the tuition mid year if it no longer benefits your daughter. I'd just say since the other kids are going to ABC school, you'd be happy to pay for their son to go also, if that's something they're interested in.

Anonymous wrote:If the ex or the new husband feel like there would be strings attached with the money is there anyway that the money could be put in some sort of education trust or some other fund for the kid with the intent that it be used for ABC school. I'm not rich so I don't know what the legal terms would be but I'm sure your accountant and lawyer could help you figure something out. That way they would know their child's schooling was not dependent on your mood. They might more easily accept the gift that way.

I think this makes sense -- or perhaps offer to pay for ABC school and then fund an education trust for middle and high school. That way they feel like they have control over the decisions related to their childs' education.

You guys rock!