Anonymous
Post 03/25/2014 01:04     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For those who say they knew when their kid was 4 or 6 or whatever -- how? Is it just that they acted different from their siblings and had different interests? I'd like to think it isn't the stereotypical -- he's a boy but he won't play with trucks or sports and he'd rather play with an ez-bake oven, but is that what it was?


Hmmm ... I don't know what it was specifically when he was a little boy. He was very active, very into sports, happy to play cars. He has two sisters and was equally happy to play with their stuff, playing house, etc., but he'd always dump them if a little neighbor boy came by to go ride bikes or play ball. He had very specific opinions about his clothes and hair, but also had no problem going outside and getting as dirty as all the other boys.

But I do remember telling him when he was 7, there's a word for when boys like boys and girls like girls, in the way that makes your heart happy and you think you want to marry them, and that word is gay. I remember how his whole body relaxed and then happiness washed over his face, to know this feeling that's different from everyone else, has a name. That kind of confirmed it for me, and DH then made it a point to point out gay men who were happy and successful in life, so he'd see people like himself in grownup form. One time he was home sick in middle school and watching rerun after rerun of Will & Grace. He turned to me and said "I don't want to be like Jack when I grow up. I want to be like Will."


You don't know if you are gay that early. You know after puberty. Saying that he should be with men is going to confuse him. Wait until afterer puberty when the hormones kick in.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2014 00:15     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.


How is one supposed to keep these pronouns straight? Perhaps we should just start saying "it."


people are not objects. if you want a non-offensive personal pronoun may I suggest the singular "they".


"They" is not singular. That would be grammatically incorrect and thus equally offensive.

have you never met a person who's genderfluid and uses neutral pronouns before?
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 23:58     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.


How is one supposed to keep these pronouns straight? Perhaps we should just start saying "it."


people are not objects. if you want a non-offensive personal pronoun may I suggest the singular "they".


"They" is not singular. That would be grammatically incorrect and thus equally offensive.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 22:56     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.


How is one supposed to keep these pronouns straight? Perhaps we should just start saying "it."


It's not that complicated.

1. Men are "he". Women are "she".
2. If you don't know which pronoun to use for a person, ask that person which pronoun to use.

Hope that helps.

agreed.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 07:12     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.


How is one supposed to keep these pronouns straight? Perhaps we should just start saying "it."


It's not that complicated.

1. Men are "he". Women are "she".
2. If you don't know which pronoun to use for a person, ask that person which pronoun to use.

Hope that helps.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 05:04     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.


How is one supposed to keep these pronouns straight? Perhaps we should just start saying "it."


people are not objects. if you want a non-offensive personal pronoun may I suggest the singular "they".
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2014 20:09     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.


How is one supposed to keep these pronouns straight? Perhaps we should just start saying "it."
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2014 13:40     Subject: Re:Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:My DD recently came out to us as bi. We totally support her and told her that. My concern is that she is so young (13) and is struggling socially, so I almost wonder if she is trying to find a social niche. Another friend of hers also recently came out. Her therapist (who she was already seeing for other issues) also feels like this could be the case. But we all agree that we continue to tell her we love her and support her no matter what.


Precisely. The unconditional support and love is critical, but a little guidance here couldn't hurt either. Kids this age take social rejection very, very hard and very personally. I fear that a lot of them fall into things they later don't know how to get out of, just for this reason.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2014 10:49     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.


If he is a man, attracted to men, he is gay. If she is a (trans)woman, attracted to men, she is not gay.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2014 10:35     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For those who say they knew when their kid was 4 or 6 or whatever -- how? Is it just that they acted different from their siblings and had different interests? I'd like to think it isn't the stereotypical -- he's a boy but he won't play with trucks or sports and he'd rather play with an ez-bake oven, but is that what it was?


Hmmm ... I don't know what it was specifically when he was a little boy. He was very active, very into sports, happy to play cars. He has two sisters and was equally happy to play with their stuff, playing house, etc., but he'd always dump them if a little neighbor boy came by to go ride bikes or play ball. He had very specific opinions about his clothes and hair, but also had no problem going outside and getting as dirty as all the other boys.

But I do remember telling him when he was 7, there's a word for when boys like boys and girls like girls, in the way that makes your heart happy and you think you want to marry them, and that word is gay. I remember how his whole body relaxed and then happiness washed over his face, to know this feeling that's different from everyone else, has a name. That kind of confirmed it for me, and DH then made it a point to point out gay men who were happy and successful in life, so he'd see people like himself in grownup form. One time he was home sick in middle school and watching rerun after rerun of Will & Grace. He turned to me and said "I don't want to be like Jack when I grow up. I want to be like Will."

My 4 year old is similar. Very "boy" - loves to play outside, cars, trucks - all the typical boy things. He's also very picky about his hair (his dad is also very picky about his hair). There's nothing I can point to, just that the way he thinks about things and expresses himself are different (and no, not in a stereotypical "flamer" way). He did come home one day and told me another boy at preschool told him boys could not be with boys, it had to be a boy and a girl. So we talked and I let him know that it's fine for boys to be with boys, and that families come in all kinds of ways. He just kind of nodded and then declared I was going to be his wife forever.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2014 02:44     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
I suspect my 20-year-old son is gay or bisexual, but not only hasn't he come out, he has never dated. He might be asexual. Like a PP, we're a very gay family and are truly accepting. Doesn't matter, but I'll admit I'm curious!
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 23:58     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:For those who say they knew when their kid was 4 or 6 or whatever -- how? Is it just that they acted different from their siblings and had different interests? I'd like to think it isn't the stereotypical -- he's a boy but he won't play with trucks or sports and he'd rather play with an ez-bake oven, but is that what it was?


Hmmm ... I don't know what it was specifically when he was a little boy. He was very active, very into sports, happy to play cars. He has two sisters and was equally happy to play with their stuff, playing house, etc., but he'd always dump them if a little neighbor boy came by to go ride bikes or play ball. He had very specific opinions about his clothes and hair, but also had no problem going outside and getting as dirty as all the other boys.

But I do remember telling him when he was 7, there's a word for when boys like boys and girls like girls, in the way that makes your heart happy and you think you want to marry them, and that word is gay. I remember how his whole body relaxed and then happiness washed over his face, to know this feeling that's different from everyone else, has a name. That kind of confirmed it for me, and DH then made it a point to point out gay men who were happy and successful in life, so he'd see people like himself in grownup form. One time he was home sick in middle school and watching rerun after rerun of Will & Grace. He turned to me and said "I don't want to be like Jack when I grow up. I want to be like Will."
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 22:09     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Especially in teen girls and even more so in teen girls with mental health problems it seems to be very common to experiment with orientations. If they are struggling with identity, it makes sense they are struggling in all realms.

Same as how 50-60% of homeless kids identify as non-straight. Part of the culture. Teens in foster care/group homes also have much higher rates of non straight orientations.

When development hits big barriers (abuse, trauma, neglect, mental illness) one would expect that really all parts of development process would be impacted, including sexual orientation. People who identify as non straight report far more early life trauma.


Did you ever think that these kids are being kicked out of their homes for being gay/bi?


That may be true for a very small proportion but for the most part it isn't. These aren't kids from great homes that are anti-gay. It is rarely situations where parents and straight sibs are at home having a great life and just this one child gets kicked out or leaves because s/he is gay. These are mostly kids from quite dysfunctional homes where there are tons of issues, and their parents and sibs are also having issues. And often these teens don't self-identity as non-straight until they are on the street.


Link to reference on all of this info? It seems like a lot of assumptions if you are not getting this from an actual study of homeless children and frankly it seems really unconvincing.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 21:00     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
I grew up next door to one of my cousins. He is two years younger than me and we've ( my sisters and I) have known he was gay ("different" when we were younger) since he was probably 5 or 6. He has two older brothers but he always, always preferred playing with us girls over hanging out with his brothers. Now, as adult, he is most definitely gay, and I think may be transgendered as well.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2014 20:55     Subject: Do you have a child that is gay or bi?
Anonymous wrote:For those who say they knew when their kid was 4 or 6 or whatever -- how? Is it just that they acted different from their siblings and had different interests? I'd like to think it isn't the stereotypical -- he's a boy but he won't play with trucks or sports and he'd rather play with an ez-bake oven, but is that what it was?


I wouldnt worry about an EZ-bake oven, what kid doesn't like cupcakes? The Barbi hair cut deal, not so much...