Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 22:25     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.


And, if this is your goal, OP, to be a SAHM or to be a WAHM or even to be childless by choice, you need to align yourself with like minded men. I'm not saying to state these things up front, on a first date, but you need to know what direction you might head into the future and date accordingly.

I'm wanted to be a SAHM ever since I was a very little girl. I'm 45 and a SAHM of three children. I have a college degree and had a great career that I left after my first child was born. I could not have gotten serious with a man who had disdain for SAHMs or who expected me to be the breadwinner or wouldn't have wanted to have children. All that said, carefully examine what your future goals are keep these in the forefront of your mind when it comes to meeting men.


So I guess you did not date teachers, social workers, or public interest lawyers?


Maybe she didn't are you trying to make her feel bad?



No, just clarifying. The only way to plan ahead to be a SAHM is to marry someone who can support a family singlehanded. So, low earners need not apply for the position. Right?
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 22:17     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Lol, I remember my ex breaking up with me by phone on Valentine's Day, telling me I wasn't wife material. I've been happily married now for 10 years to someone else. The ex married his perfect woman and she slept around on him from day one. Divorced. Paternity tests. The whole messed up thing.

Not saying I was right for my ex. I am saying not even he knew what was right for him. So I'm echoing others. Be yourself. 100%. Not somebody else's ideal of what "wife material" may or may not be.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 22:05     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.


Guy here and I'm the exact opposite. I would have never married a woman without an education and career ambitions. Nannies did not raise our kids either.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 22:01     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.


And, if this is your goal, OP, to be a SAHM or to be a WAHM or even to be childless by choice, you need to align yourself with like minded men. I'm not saying to state these things up front, on a first date, but you need to know what direction you might head into the future and date accordingly.

I'm wanted to be a SAHM ever since I was a very little girl. I'm 45 and a SAHM of three children. I have a college degree and had a great career that I left after my first child was born. I could not have gotten serious with a man who had disdain for SAHMs or who expected me to be the breadwinner or wouldn't have wanted to have children. All that said, carefully examine what your future goals are keep these in the forefront of your mind when it comes to meeting men.


So I guess you did not date teachers, social workers, or public interest lawyers?


Maybe she didn't are you trying to make her feel bad?
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:59     Subject: What is "wife material"?
What is wife material? Her eyes indicate a person of tremendous emotional depth. She is very intelligent and accomplished, yet down to earth. She is understanding of a man who carries around baggage but is very emotionally giving. When our clothes are off, I think every part of her body is an area to be explored. I like watching her smile when we go at it. And I whisper in her ear, "I love you" just before it's sleeptime.

This OP is wife material.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:26     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Shut the f$@k up and you'll make a great wife
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:26     Subject: What is "wife material"?
OP, do things you love to do and hope you meet the right partner there. If you don't love hostessing or cooking or whatever, don't worry about that.

Don't try to make yourself loveable, find someone who loves who you really are.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:19     Subject: What is "wife material"?
"Wife material" varies by man. I feel like every man has one specific thing they want in a wife. An ex-boyfriend told me I was wife material except for one thing...I was not from the country he was from (he was an immigrant).

My DH told me I was wife material while we were making out about 5 weeks after I met him.

To, him, "wife material" was someone who was financially successful on her own and never wanted to be a SAHM.

My dad always wanted someone who wanted to be a SAHM. He got my mom.

My brother wanted someone that was uber smart and he married a Harvard trained scientist.

My friend wanted someone young with great skin and he married someone 18 years his junior.

My uncle wanted a woman with a family with a certain cultural background...he married my aunt.

My ex married someone with an ethnic background from his country. It proved to me that all men have something in mind that they think is "wife material."

Be yourself. Every one is different in what they want in a spouse.

Married 4 years, one child. My husband material was trustworthy, intellectual curiosity, educated and good with money (meaning not a spender but a saver).
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:10     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.


And, if this is your goal, OP, to be a SAHM or to be a WAHM or even to be childless by choice, you need to align yourself with like minded men. I'm not saying to state these things up front, on a first date, but you need to know what direction you might head into the future and date accordingly.

I'm wanted to be a SAHM ever since I was a very little girl. I'm 45 and a SAHM of three children. I have a college degree and had a great career that I left after my first child was born. I could not have gotten serious with a man who had disdain for SAHMs or who expected me to be the breadwinner or wouldn't have wanted to have children. All that said, carefully examine what your future goals are keep these in the forefront of your mind when it comes to meeting men.


this one is good.


Kind of like job hunting, she needed a certain salary (his, not hers) to maintain the lifestyle she required.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:09     Subject: Re:What is "wife material"?
Be yourself, of course, but also be confident in who you are. The women I see (myself included after I matured) who were confident had far more success in attracting men. It's because they were authentic and men who were looking for the kind of women they were saw that. You should also look beyond degree and age. I'm far better educated than DH, am 3.5 years older and have always made more money than him. Those would be dealbreakers for some women but, he's got so many things going for him that it really doesn't matter. He has intellectual curiosity, is gainfully employed and we have many similar interests and values. He's also emotionally available and self-reflecting. I'd take that any day over a PhD or JD.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:08     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.


And, if this is your goal, OP, to be a SAHM or to be a WAHM or even to be childless by choice, you need to align yourself with like minded men. I'm not saying to state these things up front, on a first date, but you need to know what direction you might head into the future and date accordingly.

I'm wanted to be a SAHM ever since I was a very little girl. I'm 45 and a SAHM of three children. I have a college degree and had a great career that I left after my first child was born. I could not have gotten serious with a man who had disdain for SAHMs or who expected me to be the breadwinner or wouldn't have wanted to have children. All that said, carefully examine what your future goals are keep these in the forefront of your mind when it comes to meeting men.


So I guess you did not date teachers, social workers, or public interest lawyers?
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:07     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:man here----the other men have hit the nail on the head. Looks etc aside---be yourself. If you're a bitch--be a bitch. If you're an emotional basketcase--be an emotional basketcase. If you're obsessed with cats---let the guy know. Somebody will love you for who you are. If you change to just get the guy to like you---at some point, your true self will come out and you'll be back here asking how to deal with being ex-wife material.

I'll use my life as an example. My wife is an emotional nutjob. She just is. But I fell in love with her because of her crazy personality. It's funny---before we got married, I hung out with a lot of people--both male(friends from childhood) and female(lot of dating)---my wife is the type of person who can't make friends with other women----so we don't get to do the 'couples thing' a lot. But my friends like hanging out with her. Do I miss hanging out with all sorts of people---hell yes. But do I love my wife even more . . . so much so that I would rather spend time with her than with friends---yes. It was obvious from the moment I met her that my social life with others would take a nosedive---and it did. But it was also obvious that she was fiercely loyal to the people she loves---and she is. She's a great mom, and a great wife. And that's all I need.

You should do the same---be yourself. Be HAPPY with who you are---and one day the right guy will come along. Good luck.


FWIW, my wife is a mess, too, but in the best way. I guess I am, as well. We don't put up with each other's idiosyncrasies, we embrace them. And we grow closer as life marches on. Thanks for what you wrote-it was pretty cool.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:07     Subject: What is "wife material"?
When I was in your shoes I decided to what my friends and I nicknamed "turning your porch light on". I am not a naturally flirtatious person but I would put out a warm vibe to everyone I met, cultivated my sense of humor, and lastly, for one month I decided to say yes to every invitation I could conceivably make work. So Tuesday after a long day and I was exhausted and I had some cocktail party invite? I still went. And then when guys asked me out, I said yes to every. single. one. At least once. And I will tell you something, it was one of the most fun time of my life. You shouldnt date down BUT when I met and fell in love with my husband he was an unemployed bartender. (it totally freaked me out haha) I only went out with him bc I had told myself to say yes to every proper date I was asked on. Anyways now he's a lobbiest and doing quite well. But that's not even the point. Make a huge effort to be open!
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 21:06     Subject: What is "wife material"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree you should be yourself so you can have an authentic relationship. However, while I'm impressed and respect career women, if I'm going to have children, I want to marry a woman who can raise our children first and foremost. I want to be the sole financial provider and I'd like a wife who can take care of me and my family. If she can do it all, great, but I don't want nannies raising our kids.


And, if this is your goal, OP, to be a SAHM or to be a WAHM or even to be childless by choice, you need to align yourself with like minded men. I'm not saying to state these things up front, on a first date, but you need to know what direction you might head into the future and date accordingly.

I'm wanted to be a SAHM ever since I was a very little girl. I'm 45 and a SAHM of three children. I have a college degree and had a great career that I left after my first child was born. I could not have gotten serious with a man who had disdain for SAHMs or who expected me to be the breadwinner or wouldn't have wanted to have children. All that said, carefully examine what your future goals are keep these in the forefront of your mind when it comes to meeting men.


this one is good.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 20:51     Subject: Re:What is "wife material"?
Do not date losers. If someone is a player, don't date him. Don't date guys that drink too much or do drugs. If a guy says he wants to marry someone of his faith and you are not that, don't waste your time. If he is obsessed with power and image run away. If you want kids and talks about being single until he is forty, run in the other direction. Take the power back OP and start looking for the type of guy you would want to marry. Give the nice guys a chance. Date someone a little older than you. Guys now who are 25, think they are 15.