I buy a ton of school supplies at the beginning of the year and write a big check to the PTA. I have been a room mom before but won't do it again. I chaperone one field trip. That's it. I work part time and have a preschool-aged kid who has major special needs, and that is really all I can do. Sorry.

Why do we need all this stuff? Why am I lazy and selfish when it seems like all my kids ever do are "extras" yet they won't work with him on his handwriting? (I do that, at home). I grew up in a very affluent school district and we never had fundraisers, auctions, class parties where parents arranged them and attended (your mom might have sent cupcakes on your birthday). They didn't "help" the teachers in the classroom. We didn't have a million parents running around the school all the time - if we saw our parents at school during the day, it's because you were sick, you were in trouble, or someone died.

We did beautifully despite this. I work full time and I will write the checks and pack the lunches for field trips. I will send in bags of snacks and hand sanitizer and supplies (although for the life of me I don't know why it's necessary for me to send in basic supplies in a school district that spends more than $18k per student per year). If I have a morning off I will sit and read to the kids.

I don't care about your auctions, your "build a wine cellar to help the school" parties, and whatever other nonsense is in the tons of emails I get each week.

Wow, lots of lazy and selfish parents on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

You help organize and pay for the things you want your kid to do. I'll help organize and pay for the things I want my kid to do.

OP, just based on the assumptions made in the wording of your post (i.e, "does it embarrass you" "what are your justifications" "do you avoid other parents") plus the tone of the posters who think it is wrong not to participate -- you seem to miss how uninviting it is for normal people to be treated as if having a child in the school is not enough of a reason to be "in" at school. It's not worth the struggle to deal with personalities like those of the woman who clearly dominate many PTA groups. No one is sitting around thinking those thoughts -- they're just not interested in dealing with those snotty women. You just don't get that.

Anonymous wrote:If you're one of the parents who never brings in money for collections, or silent auction items, or you never volunteer for anything like selling raffle tickets, PTA, etc. can you explain why and if it embarrasses you at all? This is anonymous, so no accusations, I just really want to know. What are your justifications? Do you think it impacts your child at all? Do you find yourself avoiding other parents? Or seeking out like-minded ones? Really just looking for honest answers and not ugliness. TIA!

Not embarrassed in the least. Why should I be?
Justification: I don't want to do it, while there are plenty of other parents who apparently love to do it.
Don't think it impacts child, other than tells her that she doesn't have to do things just because others do them.
Don't avoid any parents, and am friends with all kinds of parents.

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

I volunteer in the classroom when I am allowed, I volunteer to help at parties and I go on field trips. I do these things for my kids. I do them despite the PTA moms not because of them. The rest -- their gift baskets, fund raisers, wrapping paper, auctions -- I don't contribute a minute of my time or a penny of my money, because it is their club. I already posted but wanted to clarify what I DO contribute. I think what I do contribute is healthy and don't want to feed the unhealthy nonsense.

My kids have been in public and are now in private. My position is the same: I write a big check to the school once a year, and pick one or two activities to volunteer for. Other than that, I don't do anything else, except attend parent meetings. In my opinion, a lot of the stuff the parents do is make-work for SAHM's. I mean, teachers are professionals, do they really require "appreciation breakfasts"? Don't even get me started on the ridiculously overpriced wrapping paper . . . .

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

I would rather they don't take place at all. I work full time and can't go to parties or field trips. I hate getting an email on Monday night that I am supposed to send in 50 marshmellows or 30 to go containers on Thursday by the room mom who unilaterally has decided we need a Dr. Suess party. Why can't they do a pajama party that doesn't involve food?
If the PTA had specific fundraisers then each parent could contribute toward what they feel was important. Ex. I would send in money for new playground equipment but not field trips.

I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

Anonymous wrote:I don't care about classroom parties , field trips, assemblies, the intervention teacher, or reading medals. I spends a boatload of money on my kids education AT HOME. I buy Singapore Math, writing programs, science activities, etc. I have paid for my kid to go to Kumon. My kid is a well -behaved kid who is easy to educate because he already has met grade level standards. The PTA president at my school pushed funding an intervention teacher. Perhaps it is a coincidence but her kids all need to go to intervention, and she surely could pay privately for tutoring. My kids attend a school with a really low FARM rate no kid in the school doesn't have opportunities. Why should I send in money for the PTA for a field trip to a pumpkin patch or farm? All the kids have parents who take them. Why do classroom parties? I wish there were more rigorous academics, but since it is public school I don't complain but I am not sending in money.

But your kids get to participate in these parties and in these field trips that you don't help out with though, right?

I don't care about classroom parties , field trips, assemblies, the intervention teacher, or reading medals. I spends a boatload of money on my kids education AT HOME. I buy Singapore Math, writing programs, science activities, etc. I have paid for my kid to go to Kumon. My kid is a well -behaved kid who is easy to educate because he already has met grade level standards. The PTA president at my school pushed funding an intervention teacher. Perhaps it is a coincidence but her kids all need to go to intervention, and she surely could pay privately for tutoring. My kids attend a school with a really low FARM rate no kid in the school doesn't have opportunities. Why should I send in money for the PTA for a field trip to a pumpkin patch or farm? All the kids have parents who take them. Why do classroom parties? I wish there were more rigorous academics, but since it is public school I don't complain but I am not sending in money.

Anonymous wrote:I don't do them b/c they are silly and I am trying to get my point across that I'd prefer my daughter's time to be better spent than traipsing around collecting $$ for the school, etc. I think parents should be educational coaches behind the scenes for their children, and not necessarily frantically involved with bake sales, auctions, walk-a-thons, and the like. Read: THE SMARTEST KIDS IN THE WORLD: AND HOW THEY GOT THAT WAY and you'll see there is no correlation b/w academic success and parental involvement in PTA, bake sales, auctions, etc. In fact, these children do slightly less well. The best way to support your child's education is to act as an academic coach behind the scenes. Do read the book; it is extremely interesting.

I agree to an extent. I won't do that crap either, because I hate it, though I confess to supporting the kids who DO come to my door. Instead of baking shitty cupcakes or annoying my co-workers with fundraising forms for cheap candy, wrapping paper, etc, I just write a check. THAT's my contribution, and the school pretty much knows to just leave me alone after that because I will not serve as a room parent, event volunteer or any other nonsense. DH and I both work full time and prefer to spend our free time with our family and friends, gardening, attending cultural events, etc. It's just not a priority for me.

I do bare minimum-Target card is tied to the elementary school, send in box tops and pennies, also send money for the teachers present and buy her a gift card at the end of the year.
I'm a foreigner and have hard time understanding the PTA. and all theses events going on at school.It's like a year long carnival. Wish kids did more learning and less baking and raising money.

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Anonymous wrote:PS And no, I am not embarrassed at all. I am indeed trying to get my point across so I do hope people notice, actually!

Dang... You are ugly

Hi, PTA mom. You are the problem.

I am not a PTA mom....not even part of a PTA. I am a proponent for helping our teachers and classrooms out. Wow.

Calling other moms ugly is a great way to encourage more people to join the cause.

Read the original reply, people. Would you call that pretty? Yes, we are all unfiltered on here, but that was an ugly comment.

No, it was honest.

Yes and sometimes honesty can get ugly .