Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 15:04     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Any guy who gets tired sitting in meetings or at a desk is a wuss.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 15:02     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.


I don't mean to be cruel, but this sounds awful.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2014 14:59     Subject: Re:Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Best advice I received when I got married was to get our home cleaned professionally and make that a priority expense. Way less friction over housekeeping issues, and forced both of us (and now the kids) to neaten up in advance. We pay $130 a week for a decent sized house to get thoroughly cleaned, plus laundry done and bedding changed. Makes life a lot easier for everyone. Yes it costs but I'd rather sacrifice eating out or some other "luxury" than give this up.

I agree with others that the bigger issue is that your husband is not engaged with the family. Everyone should make time for that.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2014 05:39     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
My DH is an executive and I work full time myself. I'm suprised, as an executive, you cannot afford help.

My DH is very involved with the children. He coaches a sports team for each of my 2 boys (two different sports a year) and has been doing so since they were 5. This weekend when it was nice he played basketball in the court for hours with them and took them shopping at Dicks for some new clothes and then lunch at a restaurant afterwards while I had brunch with my girlfriends.

As far as chores...we outsource much cleaning and all laundry, plus most yardwork. He does do the trash, keeps the garage organized, does all car related tasks, and cooks dinner 2xs a week. With haveing ahouser all we really worry about is food and homework.
My boys are my DHs life and he truly enjoys hanging with them and taking an active role in their lives.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 23:05     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Anonymous wrote:How do people live in these relationships? I'm being serious. It sounds awful for everyone involved. Are you in love?


+1.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 22:18     Subject: Re:Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.


I read this the other day and I just kept thinking about it, so I came back to revisit it. Thank you so much for posting this - truly. I've been a SAHM for almost 2 years now, after quitting a very stressful, demanding 80 + hour a week job to be home with the kids while DH continues on with his own very demanding career. Our kids are still young, but now that they are in either elementary or preschool 5 days a week, I know that the three hours per weekday day that I have without any of them really ARE my "me" time - even at the grocery store. The weekends are more stressful, definitely, because we never know if DH will be able to join us in any of the family activities. And I have found myself feeling resentful for the unloading the dishwasher/reading the newspaper dichotomy. LOL. I know how stressed he is. I lived his life and mine is much easier now (or at least I can generally get a full night's sleep). But I still need some time for me. Thank you for framing this in a way that I appreciate and understand.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 20:21     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
How do people live in these relationships? I'm being serious. It sounds awful for everyone involved. Are you in love?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 20:17     Subject: Re:Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.


I'm not quite there yet, but I'm seeing a shift in this direction. My youngest is almost 4, oldest 10. Maybe look for a teenager to come keep your kids entertained so you can have some down time.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 18:24     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
When DH started traveling non-stop, there was no question about finding help. Weekly cleaner, occasional sitter, lawn service. Pretty basic. Frankly, he's home so little that I don't want him doing much around the house. If I can't do it myself then I hire someone. It's not like we need an entertainment budget.

We're not raking it in -- nowhere close to 7 figures -- but I suspect OP is either drowning in debt/expenses or her idea of high level exec isn't the same as mine.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 18:08     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
I cope by having help and without it would struggle like you do and I only have two kids not three. DH pulls his weight on the weekends and gets the kids breakfast in the morning before he goes to work. He doesnt see them in the evening.

Obviously no one has unlimited money but i would look at your spending to try and see where you could economise to try and get some help. I would also talk to your DH and see if he can do breakfast in the mornings and do more on the weekends.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 15:40     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Anonymous wrote:Honey, if you can't afford help your DH is not a high level exec.

+1
We are far from this economic tier, but even people a little better off than us are able to get paid help as needed. I'm not trying to be mean, this is just my observation.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 15:23     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Maybe he has a girlfriend, and doesnt work as many hours as you think
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 15:12     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband helps out a lot around the house and with the kids. He has a very stressful job and earns 6X more than I do. I own my own my own business and have much more flexibility in my work schedule. We have a weekly house cleaner which helps a lot.
He is usually home by 6-6:30. He puts us 1st. That said, he is often back on his computer after the kids go to bed returning dozens of emails he didn't get to during the day.


This is awesome. You have a good man! He is finding the right balance.


Aww! Thanks! I do. He's pretty great. He's a really sweet guy, too.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 13:31     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
DH and I are both C- level executives. I do more than he does but as long as the seven figures roll in every year we can pay for the housekeeper, lawn, snow and pool service and the other things that makes life easier and allows us to focus our free time on our kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 13:29     Subject: Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?
Honey, if you can't afford help your DH is not a high level exec.