Anonymous
03/09/2014 13:57
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Time to sit with DH calmly and get his impression. CALMLY. Ask him why he never backs you up. Tell him how much it hurts you and that it makes you the fall guy if he wimps out. Then again, maybe he thinks you are wrong. If so, hear him out like an adult and try to understand his point. Rarely is one side completely wrong so you and MIL probably share some blame. Without knowing the situation or the incident that affected your child, it's impossible to judge.
That said, screaming matches are usually the result of way too much pent-up frustration but are always juvenile ways to resolve things.
That said, screaming matches are usually the result of way too much pent-up frustration but are always juvenile ways to resolve things.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 13:34
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow. Yelling and screaming is never ok. Who yelled first?
Does it matter who yelled first since clearly the other person yelled back?
I think it matters. I've had MIL go bezerk and posted about it on here. Nobody was understanding either, as usual on DCUMs (tough crowd!). I didn't yell back, but only because I knew she'd do it so in advance I got an Rx for xanax and took it before she came over and I was soooo calm. DH was amazed like how did I do it. Xanax my dear.
OP, get some xanax, and only take it when she comes over (it can be highly addictive, so I mean it). I still have my bottle from 3 years ago. And I love pills, but this is an Rx worth savoring for days spent with your MIL.
Because relying on substances to "cope" with something is always healthy
Anonymous
03/09/2014 13:28
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Not at all, but we are mature enough not to try and justify our own bad behavior.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 13:18
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Anonymous wrote:OP, you will not get any support here. DCUM is clearly full of incredibly mature people who would never, ever,ever yell at anyone. Ever. Didn't you know that yelling makes you a Neanderthal? You have lost your white, upper middle class street cred by yelling. You've outed yourself as low class.
Seriously though, I suggest counseling for you and your DH on how to handle family issues. He needs to support the one he married, the one who he pledged to forsake all others for, including his mommy. If you've been taking this woman's shit for ten years, your husband has probably been feeding you lines to shut you up and make you take it. Does he ever says things like, "that's just how she is" and "be the bigger person" or "she's older, so she deserves respect"?
If so, time to to tell him that now, this is how you are. You aren't going to take shit any more. She can become the bigger person or she isn't in your lives. If she cant respect the mama, no relationship with the kids the mama pushed out (or adopted, etc).
And counseling,counseling counseling!!!!! With someone who is not going to be all kumbaya, turn the other cheek. Find someone who specializes in difficult family stuff.
+1000
I am surprised at the number of idiotic responses here blaming the OP. Clearly everyone here is blessed with perfect families.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 13:14
Subject: Re:Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
OP, you will not get any support here. DCUM is clearly full of incredibly mature people who would never, ever,ever yell at anyone. Ever. Didn't you know that yelling makes you a Neanderthal? You have lost your white, upper middle class street cred by yelling. You've outed yourself as low class.
Hmmm...if op had said the dh yelled at her dcum would be screaming abuse and telling her to get a lawyer, but op loses her shit at mil and she is a victim of abuse and justified.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 12:49
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Perhaps the issue with the mil or even DH, but with OP...
Anonymous
03/09/2014 12:47
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
OP, you will not get any support here. DCUM is clearly full of incredibly mature people who would never, ever,ever yell at anyone. Ever. Didn't you know that yelling makes you a Neanderthal? You have lost your white, upper middle class street cred by yelling. You've outed yourself as low class.
Seriously though, I suggest counseling for you and your DH on how to handle family issues. He needs to support the one he married, the one who he pledged to forsake all others for, including his mommy. If you've been taking this woman's shit for ten years, your husband has probably been feeding you lines to shut you up and make you take it. Does he ever says things like, "that's just how she is" and "be the bigger person" or "she's older, so she deserves respect"?
If so, time to to tell him that now, this is how you are. You aren't going to take shit any more. She can become the bigger person or she isn't in your lives. If she cant respect the mama, no relationship with the kids the mama pushed out (or adopted, etc).
And counseling,counseling counseling!!!!! With someone who is not going to be all kumbaya, turn the other cheek. Find someone who specializes in difficult family stuff.
Seriously though, I suggest counseling for you and your DH on how to handle family issues. He needs to support the one he married, the one who he pledged to forsake all others for, including his mommy. If you've been taking this woman's shit for ten years, your husband has probably been feeding you lines to shut you up and make you take it. Does he ever says things like, "that's just how she is" and "be the bigger person" or "she's older, so she deserves respect"?
If so, time to to tell him that now, this is how you are. You aren't going to take shit any more. She can become the bigger person or she isn't in your lives. If she cant respect the mama, no relationship with the kids the mama pushed out (or adopted, etc).
And counseling,counseling counseling!!!!! With someone who is not going to be all kumbaya, turn the other cheek. Find someone who specializes in difficult family stuff.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 12:37
Subject: Re:Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
I understand the shaking and the nearly surreal experience of being screamed at by an another adult and your MIL at that.
You are projecting. At no point did OP say mil started the screening match. In fact, from the facts presented, it appears OP started the yelling.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 12:24
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
I understand the shaking and the nearly surreal experience of being screamed at by an another adult and your MIL at that.
I was similarly screamed at in public at my DS' sporting event by my MIL. It was terrible! Let's just say she was angry with me (and my DH) for not hanging out with her during games. (the irony, it burns!) Look at this horrible experience as a turning point/line in the sand.
My MIL made an ass out of herself and things changed after that - I decided that i was going to be all business with her. I speak to her only when absolutely necessary and am polite and kind. No more, no less. I keep her at arm's length. She showed her true colors to me - she's a narcissist who truly expects to be treated like a queen and most definitely keeps score. Being in a closer relationship with her is toxic.
I was similarly screamed at in public at my DS' sporting event by my MIL. It was terrible! Let's just say she was angry with me (and my DH) for not hanging out with her during games. (the irony, it burns!) Look at this horrible experience as a turning point/line in the sand.
My MIL made an ass out of herself and things changed after that - I decided that i was going to be all business with her. I speak to her only when absolutely necessary and am polite and kind. No more, no less. I keep her at arm's length. She showed her true colors to me - she's a narcissist who truly expects to be treated like a queen and most definitely keeps score. Being in a closer relationship with her is toxic.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 12:03
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Anonymous wrote:Screaming and yelling. Really, OP. Not acceptable no matter who you are yelling at. It sound like you both need to grow up and you both need to apologize for behaving inappropriately.
You will need to begin by apologizing for losing your temper. It would have been better to step outside for a walk.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 11:45
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
OP sounds immature and unstable. A mature adult doesn't allow herself to "be picked on" for a decade without maturely speaking up long before a screaming rage of a fit occurs. Sorry, Op sounds like you need to grow up.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 10:28
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am shaking because my MIL just came over to see the kids and it ended in a screaming match. I feel that MIL has never respected me, she bullies me and is critical. She doesn't listen to me and says rude stuff. MIL has been driving me insane my whole marriage of almost 10 years. DH has never adequately intervened or stood up for me. So, a recent event happened with MIL where she did something that partially effected my child and I am furious about it. So she came over and we had it out --- yelling, screaming, etc. She called me crazy and said she better leave before she told me what she really thinks of me. FIL and DH had to shuffle her out the door.
DH has not spoken to me since they left. Pretty sure he is mad at me because he is one to ignore issues and not be confrontational.
I am just so upset. Wanted to vent.
How very Jerry Springer Show of you. A screaming match with your MIL. Not good. Not good. I really hope that you don't have a creaming match with your DIL when the time comes.
^^^ Pffft! Whatever! Leave the op alone. She had ten 10 TEN, TEN. FUCKING. YEARS. of mils shit! You deal with shit from inlaws for ten minutes yet alone 10 years and see what you would do!
Op ignore the hate comments, go fix yourself a well deserved margarita and feel that weight lifted off of your shoulders! Congrats girl!
I have only had 6 years of in law shit & shenanigans and it's been the hardest 6 years of my life! It's so hard on a marriage. It's hard on you with every single birthday & every single holiday just wondering and waiting when they are going to say and do their thing. I finally had enough these past few years while my hubby said nothing and would just let things go by the waste side. Mil,and I finally had a yelling/ raised voice hour long meeting a few months ago after she was cut off for a few months. It felt freaking great to finally speak my mind and call her on her shit. My hubby again said nothing but finally came to realize after I basically told him that he needs to believe me and stand beside me or let me off the crazy train as I wanted out. I was done. I love him more than anything but seriously can not deal with his parents shit anymore. Well they started it up again and tonight is the first time my hubby actually screamed back at them over the phone but he finally stood up for me. He basically said if they can not respect me than they do not need to be around us or the kids. I honestly never thought we would make it to this point, but realized it took him a good solid 3 years to open his eyes and for him to come to terms with it. Again I was ready to walk, or run as I could not take the drama anymore! I wanted to be happy! It took him a while and quite a few fights for us to be able to verbalized all of our feeling on both sides too. Counseling may be a good thing for you too.
Ps.. No need to apologize to anyone! Your hubby & inlaws needs to apologize to you!!
Good luck!
ITA. OP clearly said that the MIL had been torturing her for 10 years. Typical DCUM. First instinct is the blame the OP. But, some of us have experience with family members like this. My MIL is awesome, but my sister's MIL is a nightmare. She also did something that hurt my nephew and my sister lost it too. Frankly, it was about time.
I agree that OP should seek out a good marriage counselor. OP's DH needs to learn to set boundaries with his parents and to stick up for his family. He should never have let his mother pick on his wife - not once, let alone for a decade.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 10:18
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am shaking because my MIL just came over to see the kids and it ended in a screaming match. I feel that MIL has never respected me, she bullies me and is critical. She doesn't listen to me and says rude stuff. MIL has been driving me insane my whole marriage of almost 10 years. DH has never adequately intervened or stood up for me. So, a recent event happened with MIL where she did something that partially effected my child and I am furious about it. So she came over and we had it out --- yelling, screaming, etc. She called me crazy and said she better leave before she told me what she really thinks of me. FIL and DH had to shuffle her out the door.
DH has not spoken to me since they left. Pretty sure he is mad at me because he is one to ignore issues and not be confrontational.
I am just so upset. Wanted to vent.
How very Jerry Springer Show of you. A screaming match with your MIL. Not good. Not good. I really hope that you don't have a creaming match with your DIL when the time comes.
^^^ Pffft! Whatever! Leave the op alone. She had ten 10 TEN, TEN. FUCKING. YEARS. of mils shit! You deal with shit from inlaws for ten minutes yet alone 10 years and see what you would do!
Op ignore the hate comments, go fix yourself a well deserved margarita and feel that weight lifted off of your shoulders! Congrats girl!
I have only had 6 years of in law shit & shenanigans and it's been the hardest 6 years of my life! It's so hard on a marriage. It's hard on you with every single birthday & every single holiday just wondering and waiting when they are going to say and do their thing. I finally had enough these past few years while my hubby said nothing and would just let things go by the waste side. Mil,and I finally had a yelling/ raised voice hour long meeting a few months ago after she was cut off for a few months. It felt freaking great to finally speak my mind and call her on her shit. My hubby again said nothing but finally came to realize after I basically told him that he needs to believe me and stand beside me or let me off the crazy train as I wanted out. I was done. I love him more than anything but seriously can not deal with his parents shit anymore. Well they started it up again and tonight is the first time my hubby actually screamed back at them over the phone but he finally stood up for me. He basically said if they can not respect me than they do not need to be around us or the kids. I honestly never thought we would make it to this point, but realized it took him a good solid 3 years to open his eyes and for him to come to terms with it. Again I was ready to walk, or run as I could not take the drama anymore! I wanted to be happy! It took him a while and quite a few fights for us to be able to verbalized all of our feeling on both sides too. Counseling may be a good thing for you too.
Ps.. No need to apologize to anyone! Your hubby & inlaws needs to apologize to you!!
Good luck!
You do realize that OP yelled at HER MIL and not yours????
You have only OP's characterization of the relationship.
PP's have offered some good even handed advice and here u come encouraging a psychotic break!
U need a new prescription.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 10:01
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
I'm on your side OP. I had a similar showdown with my MIL after years of abuse. My DH said none of her relatives like her either. He deals with her on his own and I do not speak to her anymore. Her loss.
Anonymous
03/09/2014 09:04
Subject: Just had horrible screaming match with MIL
Maybe DH isn't "on board" or "sticking up or" DW because she is in the wrong.