Be kind. You do not need to tear others down. It will not make you feel better and it can do damaged to others that you cannot even fathom.

Love the body you were given.

It's OK to fail. You learn by failing. Your parents will still love you and the world will admire you for trying something hard.

DON'T give that idiotic advice about math being hard for girls.

Someone once told me (or perhaps I read it in an inspirational book? Don't really remember): don't just choose to do the things that are easy for you, choose the things that are hard. Abstract, perhaps, but the point is to always challenge yourself. Terrified of public speaking? Sign up for a debate class. Struggle with reading? Join a book club. That sort of thing.

Love the advice about getting involved: sports, theater, music, chess club, whatever. Pick something you enjoy, or think you might enjoy, and do it. You can always switch to something else next year, but always have something. It's a great way to make friends, in addition to building confidence and developing your own personality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had one piece of advice to give to a middle school girl... what would it be?

I'm helping a friend pull together a leadership conference for middle school girls for this fall, and want to see what the women on this board feel like they would have needed to hear at that age?

Absolutely don't try to change yourself for anyone. Don't try to buy clothes that everyone else is wearing. Don't try to talk like everyone else is talking. I know it is cliche, but be yourself. Don't try. Just be.

I wish I had known that in Jr. High.

Just curious - do you really think you didn't know? Or do you think it was more that you knew but didn't feel like you were able to buck the trend? I think it takes pretty extreme confidence to be able to do that and I think the middle school girls who could do this are few and far between.

I'm a mom in my 40's and I think there are a lot of women my age that still don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't put all your friendship eggs in one basket. Friendships shift and shuffle in middle school. Best to have a few different groups of friends so if one friendship blows up, you are not winding up friendless.

I think this is the only practical and real advice that a middle school girl would understand and be able to use that has been presented thus far.

The rest of the advice is adult advice that middle school girls are not going to be able to embrace. It's not practical. It's too abstract and theoretical. Even the "Be Yourself" because middle school girls and even into high school are trying to figure out who they are.

There's nothing "abstract and theoretical" about the advice to be kind to everyone, whether or not they are your friend and whether or not your friends are nice to them.

In fact, middle school is the perfect time for kids to practice taking the high road. In a nutshell, "It's nice to be nice."

Here are some specific choices they can make:

- give people the benefit of the doubt;

- look for the good in yourself and in others;

- be kind even when others are not;

- stand up to friends who are being mean to you or to others.


If that feels too abstract, share the ideas with your middle schoolers and work together to come up with real life examples. I'm sure they'll get it.

I'm 12:29 and I had a lot of problems with your advice which is what my parents gave me. I could never stand up to others because I was always looking for the good in them/benefit of the doubt. Be kind to others was always the hardest one for me because I tried to hard to be nice to the people who were mean to me. As an adult, I can interpret this correctly but as a tween, this advice was not good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't put all your friendship eggs in one basket. Friendships shift and shuffle in middle school. Best to have a few different groups of friends so if one friendship blows up, you are not winding up friendless.

I think this is the only practical and real advice that a middle school girl would understand and be able to use that has been presented thus far.

The rest of the advice is adult advice that middle school girls are not going to be able to embrace. It's not practical. It's too abstract and theoretical. Even the "Be Yourself" because middle school girls and even into high school are trying to figure out who they are.

There's nothing "abstract and theoretical" about the advice to be kind to everyone, whether or not they are your friend and whether or not your friends are nice to them.

In fact, middle school is the perfect time for kids to practice taking the high road. In a nutshell, "It's nice to be nice."

Here are some specific choices they can make:

- give people the benefit of the doubt;

- look for the good in yourself and in others;

- be kind even when others are not;

- stand up to friends who are being mean to you or to others.


If that feels too abstract, share the ideas with your middle schoolers and work together to come up with real life examples. I'm sure they'll get it.

Anonymous wrote:(1) Everyone struggles with something in middle school, it's a difficult time for everyone, whether other students show it or not. You're not alone.

(2) Above all, be kind to yourself and your peers.

(3) Be bold, learn new skills, meet new people and don't be afraid to leave the security of known friends and activites to try something new.

Well said!! This is definitely my favorite advice on the thread so far!

Anonymous wrote:If you had one piece of advice to give to a middle school girl... what would it be?

I'm helping a friend pull together a leadership conference for middle school girls for this fall, and want to see what the women on this board feel like they would have needed to hear at that age?

Make bold moves. Think about what kind of woman you'd like to be and build a path to her.

Do not wear yourself cheaply. Hooking up is not third-wave feminism. You are amazing; never, ever lose sight of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had one piece of advice to give to a middle school girl... what would it be?

I'm helping a friend pull together a leadership conference for middle school girls for this fall, and want to see what the women on this board feel like they would have needed to hear at that age?

Absolutely don't try to change yourself for anyone. Don't try to buy clothes that everyone else is wearing. Don't try to talk like everyone else is talking. I know it is cliche, but be yourself. Don't try. Just be.

I wish I had known that in Jr. High.

Just curious - do you really think you didn't know? Or do you think it was more that you knew but didn't feel like you were able to buck the trend? I think it takes pretty extreme confidence to be able to do that and I think the middle school girls who could do this are few and far between.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Girls who are "popular" with guys in MS get a "slut" reputation that dogs them through HS. Do not go that route.

From the age of 12 to 17, changes in a female brain makes Math harder to grasp. So, just work harder at it, get help, and do not give up on Math. Being good in Math opens up many career paths for girls.

Here are two pieces of advice I would NOT give to my middle school girl.

These are both HORRIBLE pieces of advice. While I hate the slut one, the math one is ridiculous! I am a girl, have always been amazing in math, and majored in it in college, along with many of my female classmates. Please don't tell your child this!

The people that I thought were the most uncool are the people that have now done amazing things in their lives and are amazing people. Turned out they would have been better friends to have than the ones that will turn on you on a whim. I wish I had known that then. I spent a lot of my life with those types of friends and have nothing to show for it today!

Choose your friends wisely.

I think the most important thing that I've taught my DD is that you don't have to be friends with everyone however, you must treat every person with respect. Be especially kind to kids who struggle to make friends. Stand up against those that bully/taunt others. These are characteristics of a good person.

When you are targeted by others, try not to let it get to you. There will always be people who are richer, more popular, prettier etc. Judging people by what they have instead of who they are is shallow and those that do that aren't happy. How can you be happy if you base your self worth based on putting other people down?

At the end of each day, can you say that you've been kind and tried your best? If so, you are a success.

This is all pretty sad and can't tell whether parents are projecting or all of the kids are really so miserable. How about something like middle school is a great time to explore new things, have fun, find new friendships, build on old ones, grades don't count for much so expand your horizons, maybe take up an instrument, enjoy.

Find something to get involved with and to be know for - a sport, a club, maybe an outside of school activity such as competitive dance. If you can't figure out how to get yourself involved, ask your school counselor for help. My son's middle school team and HS transition team said that getting known for something (meani g a sport or activity) is the single best think a kid can do for a successful and satisfying experience.

I got the advice to be myself younger than middle school and it was meaningful to me because my parents really meant it. I internalized it in seventh grade during a particular experience. Middle school is not too young.